Samuel L. Jackson will appear in the sequel to Snakes on a Plane.

After nine months of not going to a Weight Watchers meeting, this morning I experienced the urge to go to a Weight Watchers meeting.

(I still have a few free days before my freelance project is delivered. As you can see, I’m taking full advantage of my free time. Weight Watchers Meeting! Falalalala! Jealous?)

When I walked in the door, the receptionist greeted me with a big, “Welcome to Weight Watchers!”

Me: Actually, I’ve been here on and off for the past five years.

Receptionist (scanning my bar code): Oh, yes! I see you haven’t been here for nine months! What have you been up to?

Me: I had a baby?

Receptionist: Ooh! Really?

Me: Nope. But it sounds better than, “I received a big stupid box of M&Ms, and someone needs to step in.”

Receptionist: We’re running a sale on 2-point bars!

So I bought a few boxes of 2-point bars, and I headed into the meeting, where the topic was Interim Successes.
The gist: If you spend all of your time stressing about your final goal, you’ll miss out on celebrating each tiny success! And each tiny success will carry you onward through the journey to the final goal! So focus on the tiny successes, and eventually you’ll be able to say something like “Eureka! I’ve reached my final goal! ‘Tis a gift to be simple!” (I tend to poke fun. I’m ridiculous.)

Anyway, the most curious thing happened right at the end of the meeting.

Weight Watchers Leader (WWL): So, we all have big goals. And we also have busy lives. Tell me, what keeps all of you coming to these meetings every week? What keeps you on track?

Someone named Karen: I know that journaling keeps me on track.

WWL: Excellent. Yes. Jennifer?

Jennifer: Snakes in my garage.

Me: What?

WWL: Yes! Actually, I think that sums it up perfectly. THAT is the secret to keeping up with Weight Watchers! Okay then! Keep that in mind, and I’ll see less of you next week!

So, after putting it off for nearly two years, I think it’s time to have my hearing checked. I’ve noticed that I spend a lot of time cocking my right ear toward whomever is speaking. (Side note: I’m only 43% sure Whomever is correct in that sentence. Also, when I see Whomever in writing, I mentally pronounce it as wah-mehver.) My father wears hearing aids. I’ve reached the point where talking on the phone is sometimes difficult. Argh.

Snakes in my garage.
Not completely unlike bats in my belfry, I suppose, but come on!
Sixteen people now know the secret to keeping up with Weight Watchers, and I’m walking away scratching my head and wondering if Jennifer chooses to park on the street.