Jeff (working hard in his office, and trying not to sound annoyed at the fact that I’m interrupting his day at 9:00 in the morning): Editorial, this is Jeff.
Me: Jeff?
Jeff: You got me!
Me: Listen. Please know that this is one of the hardest phone calls I’ve ever had to make. I’m about to ask you something, and it’s embarrassing. Humiliating. And know that I know that you’re working really hard over there.
Jeff: What’s up?
Me: I need you to tell me where the remote control is for the television.
Jeff (giving me the gift of Long Awkward Pause): Really?
Me: Yep. IJustPutSupperInTheCrockPot!!! So, I’ve got THAT going on!
Jeff: What?
Me: Um, yeah. I just don’t want you to think that I’m not doing anything over here. But, listen. Gilmore Girls starts in an hour, and I really can’t picture myself hitting that Channel Up button 36 times in order to get to ABC Family.
Jeff: Wow.
Me: Yeah, so. What’s up? How’s your day? Whoosh! It’s sort of busy over here what with the sour cream and the soup and all the stuff I just put in the pot. And now I’m going to maybe clean up the family room. And maybe I’ll fold some towels or something? After you tell me where the remote control is? I just keep on talking and talking, don’t I? La la la la la!
Jeff: I bet you find the remote control while you’re cleaning the family room.
Me: Jeff, if I have to hit that Channel Up button 36 times, I can’t promise that the repetitive motion won’t cause my crazy jerky hand to jump into the kitchen and unplug your dinner.
Jeff: I’ll take my chances.
Love is patient. Love is kind.
17 responses so far ↓
1 Karla // Oct 8, 2008 at 10:13 am
Where oh where has your wicked sense of humour been all my life?
2 Megan // Oct 8, 2008 at 10:17 am
If you ever have the desire to move to Greensboro, North Carolina, ABC Family is on channel 20 here! I think that’s a selling point.
3 Stacy // Oct 8, 2008 at 10:28 am
Most importantly, have we located the remote? I don’t know what I would do without them now….
4 You can call me, 'Sir' // Oct 8, 2008 at 10:48 am
Jeff: I’ll take my chances.
You: Also, I’m pregnant! *click*
Jeff: [sounds of a man frantically tying a noose and softly weeping]
Aaaaand scene.
Crock pots are great. Best way to cook a pot roast, hands down, no contest.
5 Aimee // Oct 8, 2008 at 10:57 am
Ha ha ha ha!!!! Do you know how many times I’ve made a similar call?
Me: Aaron?
Aaron: ya (super busy super annoyed sounding voice.)
Me: Did you eat all the cookies or am I overlooking them? (cuz, you know…cookies are an important part of my productivity during the day.)
6 Kathy G // Oct 8, 2008 at 11:11 am
I’d just buy another remote and keep it in a drawer for myself.
7 All Adither // Oct 8, 2008 at 12:40 pm
I just about called my husband yesterday to ask where the Tylenol was for our feverish son, but thought better of it.
8 Susan // Oct 8, 2008 at 1:05 pm
LMAO! Sounds like the type of phone call I get from my hubby on his day off. Only I don’t think it’s very funny when he does it.
9 Jo // Oct 8, 2008 at 1:53 pm
lmao, i know just how you feel!
10 Mama Grouch // Oct 8, 2008 at 4:24 pm
I had to call my husband the other day to have him help me find my car keys. He ended up having to come home on his lunch hour to pick up the kiddo from preschool since I still hadn’t found them three hours later.
Next time I am going to look under the lid of the pot on the stove of the play kitchen first.
11 Alex in OC // Oct 8, 2008 at 4:55 pm
If you want to know where our remote is, you have to ask the little person who can pick things up and walk off with them, but can’t really talk yet. I love my kid but that’s a heck of a design flaw. Last night, scrambling around with an exhausted toddler literally hanging off my breast, I found the remote under computer desk.
12 Her Bad Mother // Oct 8, 2008 at 5:42 pm
Every week, my friend. I make this phone call every week.
13 Alli // Oct 9, 2008 at 7:47 am
I wish I could get my husband to read this post so he would know I’m not the only one.
14 elizabeth // Oct 9, 2008 at 11:03 am
My call was about aluminum foil. Where in the devil is it??
15 Effie // Oct 9, 2008 at 3:05 pm
my hubby would relentlessly tease me about that so I would succumb and hit the up button 26 times so I wouldn’t miss Gilmore Girls…or Charmed–even though they would both be reruns..and then make him think HE lost the remote…works better that way! How was supper?!
16 blackbird // Oct 9, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Listen, I’ve called my husband the Producer/Film Editor and had him give me step by step instructions for working the VCR, WHILE HE’S AT WORK.
17 Ella // Oct 29, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Thanks for writing this.