The girls have been playing with the most annoying unicorn purchased by my mother at a garage sale a few years back. (And that sentence is funny, because it now sounds like my mom often purchases unicorns at garage sales. The one in question was voted Most Annoying by the army of unicorns that are [...]

[Read more →]

Last week I took the girls to my folks’ house to spend the day with my twelve-year-old nephew who was in town for the week. Justin, my nephew, is one of those kids who can pick up a video game he has never played before and pwn it. (Suddenly, instead of actually gaining worldly-wise points [...]

[Read more →]

It’s no secret that I went to the gynecologist a few weeks ago. It’s also no secret that I’ve been taking estrogen-free birth control pills for the past four years. (Seriously. Anyone who has spent five minutes with me knows that I’m on estrogen-free birth control. It’s my “How’s the weather?” ice breaker!) Wait. You [...]

[Read more →]

How is it that I’ve spent 39 years thinking that “detailing a car” had something to do with painting thin swirly stripes down the side of it? A few days back I mentioned that no one really details their car anymore. Jeff mentioned that just because our car isn’t detailed is no indication that it [...]

[Read more →]

In 2006, I decided to go to BlogHer. Shortly after I arrived, my breasts blew their stack, which led me to spend all of my spare cash on a $54,383 cab ride to Walgreens where I purchased a $58,392 breast pump and a $1.39 box of Swedish Fish. I spent 94.3% of that weekend locked [...]

[Read more →]

When I was in college, I often found myself working out in my room using a Jane Fonda cassette I had made by sticking my cassette recorder up to the television as the VHS tape played. The recording was really crappy (or charming, depending on your perspective), as it featured several dog barks, a few [...]

[Read more →]

One of my goals for the remainder of 2009 is to incorporate Wert into my vocabulary. Any advice would be appreciated. On a similar note, I apparently created the word Morticum to replace Moratorium and have been using it incorrectly for at least a decade. No one has corrected me, and I’m mortified. Morticumified, even. [...]

[Read more →]

Last night I had a dream in which I knitted an amazing turquoise lacy scarf for Ellen DeGeneres. When Portia de Rossi got wind of it, she threw a fit and told Ellen that the scarf did not suit her. I quickly ran to my knitting bag where I retrieved an old scrap yarn scarf. [...]

[Read more →]

First up? Making paper clip chains. Next? God only knows. Actually, one of my plans is to embark on a thirty day fitness adventure. If you’re interested in more details, follow me over here. (Full disclosure: It’s a review thing! And it will eventually contain video footage of me working out!) ((We can’t go on [...]

[Read more →]