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Internet? You’re going to think I’m crazy.

January 4th, 2010 · 45 Comments · Crazy Cat Lady, Social Awkwardness, Sticks and String

Okay. Do you remember me telling you that I knitted hats and mittens for a few of the teachers at school? If you follow that link, pay special attention to the part about the coach who gets Meredith out of the car every morning with a smile and a “Good morning, Meredith!”

Anyway, I made this hat for the coach, and we gave it to him two days before Christmas break began.

On the day before Christmas break, I saw him in the hall, and he (wearing the hat) came up and said, “My wife told me today is the last day I get to wear this hat, because she’s taking it for herself!”

I told this story to a good friend of mine, and her first response was, “Don’t do it. Don’t tell me you’re actually thinking about knitting a hat for his wife.”

Oh, people. Because I’m so “La la laaaah! Everyone should get what they want for Christmas! Benevolence!”, I DID knit the hat—the same hat, only black. I also gave it a lavender rinse, and it’s currently drying on my dining room table.

This morning when I took Meredith to school, the coach was not wearing his hat. And suddenly, I was struck with hesitance. What if that whole story about the wife taking the hat was his (very clever) way of telling me not to expect him to wear that stinking hat to school every morning?! He covered himself the same exact way I often cover MYSELF. But maybe he wasn’t covering. Maybe he really did dig the hat.

Wait a second. Can we take time out for me to sing that Paul Simon song with the “Maybe I Think Too Much” lyrics? No? You have no time for that? Well, okay then.

My question for  you: Should I give him the extra hat, or will he then feel like he HAS to wear the first hat to school?

Do you torture yourself like this? (And don’t even tell me how ridiculous I’m being, because I know! Believe me, I already know! I have a Xanax prescription for this very reason!)

Oh! A few of you asked about the recipe for the warm salad I mentioned earlier in the week. It was the Insalata Toscano from Brio. Hooray for Christmas gift cards!

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45 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Dooley // Jan 4, 2010 at 11:50 am

    Simple. They can share. Give the hat to me. :)

  • 2 Mrs. Kennedy // Jan 4, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    Well, then it’s his fault for being so enthusiastic about it, and he’ll think twice before lying so politely again. Teach him a lesson! Give him the hat!

  • 3 Angie N // Jan 4, 2010 at 12:09 pm

    Give him the hat. I also torture myself with second guessing, it drives my husband crazy.

  • 4 The Coffee Lady // Jan 4, 2010 at 12:17 pm

    No, I don’t torture myself like this. It would never occur me to do nice things for other people. This attitude saves a whole lot of torturing.

  • 5 Lara // Jan 4, 2010 at 12:31 pm

    Hrm. Give him the hat. He was either being genuine about it or he was lying. If he was lying, it serves him right. He didn’t have to make up a story, he could have just not worn the hat. Like you would have made a scene about it! Wearing it the one time was gesture enough if he didn’t actually like it.

    But I think he likes it. So give him the hat.

  • 6 Deanna // Jan 4, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    Dang! Dooley stole my clever response right off the bat!

  • 7 Emily // Jan 4, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    I vote give it. I mean, you made it and he liked it. I think it’s a lovely gesture!

  • 8 Leslie // Jan 4, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    If you’re anything like me – and from the tone of this post, you are – I’d give him the hat all nonchalant-like as I waved him good-bye and I’d say something like, “Oh, I whipped this up for your wife, so you can have your hat back! Unless she really likes this one as well, and in that case, she’ll have two!” And I’d laugh like I was joking, but really I’d just be giving him an out.

    Of course, if I saw him in the hat after that, I’d know he liked it and if I didn’t, I’d feel a little twinge in my heart every time I saw his hatless head. But if I didn’t give him the hat, I’d always wonder.

    Clearly I am no help.

    I hope you’ll tell us what you decide.

  • 9 Little Dutch Girl // Jan 4, 2010 at 12:48 pm

    Just give him the hat. Because it won’t feel right to give it to someone else, since you knitted it with him in mind. And I totally do the same thing with the second guessing. I think it is extra tricky with handmade presents, because I really do not want to make people feel like they have to wear them if they do not like them…

  • 10 Em // Jan 4, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    I’m a second guesser too and I like Leslie’s idea (as well as agreeing about the twinge if he didn’t wear it). Here is the thing though, if you give it, worst case scenario, he feels like a tool and you come out smelling like a rose. It IS a sweet thing to do and you did it, if he is a big fat liar pants, it says nothing about your gift (which, by the way, how could he not love? Unless he is an Uncle Jesse and loves his hair too much to wear a hat at all). Then again, if you don’t give it, it all ends here with no regrets but no extra effort to be nice and no extra smelling rosey.

    I think you should give it on the chance you could brighten someone’s day. Of all the times I have felt like an ass in my life, its those that I regret the least (making an ass of myself while trying to make someone’s day better).

  • 11 tortoiseshelly // Jan 4, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    I look at it like this:

    1. He genuinely like the hat, and so did his wife. Now you have two happy people if you give him the other hat. And really, as a fellow knitter, I love giving knitted gifts to people I know really like them.

    2. He was fibbing, in which case it is well-deserved punishment that he is now obligated to wear the hat at least occasionally. Maybe he’ll learn to appreciate the time and effort that went into said hat this way.

    So, either way, give it to him.

  • 12 Stephanie // Jan 4, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    Give him the hat. Yes. Give him the hat. Maybe put a tag on it, “For coach only. Because he’s so friendly every morning.”

    Then, REAP the karmic rewards.

    PS. I would have done the same thing — knit the first hat, then the second, then obsessed.

  • 13 Mitzi // Jan 4, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    I’m not a good person to ask about over-thinking something, because I constantly do that!!

    I vote give him the hat. When giving it to him, don’t have something already rehearsed that you are going to say.

  • 14 beyond // Jan 4, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    give him the hat. you might always second guess yourself if you don’t.
    or send it to me. because i lost my favorite black hat and gloves over the holidays. i just got new leather gloves today, but according to the selection in stores i will have to wait till next season to get a hat. poor me. ; )
    so… give him the hat.

  • 15 AmyDoubleYou // Jan 4, 2010 at 2:02 pm

    Definitely give it to him. It’s such a classically pretty hat, there’s no way he doesn’t like it. It’s not like you made it hot pink with puff balls all over it. Even dudes like nice looking cable knits.

  • 16 Susan C // Jan 4, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    I always say that when we’re in doubt and don’t have all the answers, we make up our own answers . . . and 99% of the time we’re wrong.

    If my significant other came home with that hat, I would also proclaim it my own.

  • 17 Nichole // Jan 4, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    Give him the hat. Because of what everybody else who said “give him the hat” said.

  • 18 Mrs Chaos // Jan 4, 2010 at 2:12 pm

    I overthink and torture myself all the time.

    Crap. Now I’m overthinking this too. I’m no help!!!

    (Give him the hat. Rock, Paper, Scissors just helped my vote.) ;-)

  • 19 You can call me, 'Sir' // Jan 4, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    I do torture myself like this from time to time. It’s a fun thing that I do to myself sometimes that reminds me why I drink.

    Give him the hat. If he was lying, it’ll teach him the dangers of lying. If he wasn’t, you’ll have made everyone involved happy.

  • 20 kimberly/tippytoes // Jan 4, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    I’d give him the hat for the same reasons others have suggested.

    I must need Xanax too because my tortured thought process is the same. I’d hoped overthinking wasn’t abnormal.

  • 21 Amy in KC // Jan 4, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    Here’s my take – he’s a guy. Guys are not likely to wear something they don’t like in order to not hurt someone’s feelings – that seems to be a strictly female behavior. With this in mind, I think he would not worn the hat or said what he said if he didn’t really like the hat.

    Give the hat with a wink and a smile.

    p.s. I torture myself, too.

  • 22 JustLinda // Jan 4, 2010 at 4:56 pm

    If he’s a polite enough midwesterner, he will wear that hat Every. Damn. Day. of Winter. and if he likes it, he will be happy about it.

    And if he doesn’t? He’ll take it out on your sweet child.

    Just kidding. Give the hat. (Oh, maybe I shouldn’t have joked like that. It was mean. But funny, right??? I’m betting his wife really DID love the hat. Just tell him “This way, either you can each have one, or she can have two, or you can donate them to conjoined twins! Everyone wins!!!)

  • 23 Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah // Jan 4, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    I say you should give ME the hat.

    I’m cold.

  • 24 CF // Jan 4, 2010 at 5:44 pm

    I like Leslie’s plan of handing him the hat with the joke about now his wife will have two hats. It is a lovely hat and I think anyone would want to wear it. I wish I had the means to post a pic of the hat my aunt knitted for my daughter. Not too sound like a ungrateful snot, but my daughter is six. The hat is almost too big for my large melon, never mind her teeny one. And it’s red/green/white striped. And scratchy. /sigh.

  • 25 Marijean // Jan 4, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    Crazy? Who isn’t? Yes, give him the hat. After Christmas my sister’s in-laws were admiring the hat and scarf I made my bro-in-law and sister and GUESS WHO’S GETTING A HAT AND A SCARF? Well, just as soon as I finish them, that is.

  • 26 blackbird // Jan 4, 2010 at 9:02 pm

    GIVE HIM THE HAT. (Listen to me, you know I’m right!)

  • 27 Lindsey // Jan 4, 2010 at 9:36 pm

    I say give him the hat. Also, I dig you. Just for worrying about in the first place. :)

  • 28 Lisa // Jan 4, 2010 at 9:38 pm

    I’m so sorry but it was very nice to hear I’m not alone in my internal monologue for social correctness. I can’t give you advice but I will dwell on it for a few day for you. : )

  • 29 Lori // Jan 4, 2010 at 10:06 pm

    I don’t think you’re crazy. I spent 3 days worrying whether my 4 year old nephew would notice that his afghan was 3 inches smaller in diameter than his brother’s. I would be doing the same over-thinking.

    I say give him the hat. If he didn’t like it he wouldn’t have worn it at all and would have made up a story to explain the lack of hat, were he so inclined. The fact that he was wearing it the day after receiving it means he liked it.

    Also: I need to make one of those.

  • 30 Posybunny // Jan 5, 2010 at 2:01 am

    Definitely give. Never second guess doing something kind for someone. :)

  • 31 Isabella Golightly // Jan 5, 2010 at 2:38 am

    Tortoiseshelly has it right on the nose. Also, are you people insane? Salad? Isn’t it the middle of winter over htere or has the earth flipped over & I missed it?

  • 32 Jaynee // Jan 5, 2010 at 7:09 am

    If the hat is even HALF as awesome as the knitted purse you sent me a few years ago (that I STILL USE!), then trust me: give him the hat!

  • 33 Alli // Jan 5, 2010 at 10:31 am

    Yeah, give him the hat. I still have to send you a pic of me wearing mine! (with red hair this time)

  • 34 Lisa V // Jan 5, 2010 at 12:24 pm

    Give him the hat. If you see a homeless guy wearing it a week later, you’ll have your answer. If he was polite enough to make-up a lie, he’ll be polite enough to accept it graciously the second time too.

  • 35 Amy in StL // Jan 5, 2010 at 2:10 pm

    I’d guess he wasn’t fibbing because he was wearing the hat at the time. He’d likely tell that lie if you caught him not wearing the hat. If he’s such a dummie to not wear a hat when it’s in the single digit; then let him make that decision.

    As a knitter, I find that often people don’t want knitted gifts until they use them. Case in point: my brother who doesn’t “wear knitted hats so I don’t know why you gave me one.” gave me yarn this year because he wants a new hat.

  • 36 Rhi // Jan 5, 2010 at 9:46 pm

    This is the exact way in which I torture myself. I say give him the hat, and then teach me how to be a fancy knitter.

  • 37 elsimom // Jan 5, 2010 at 10:11 pm

    That hat is seven flavors of awesome. (I mean, Brooklyn Tweed- c’mon!) Give him the hat.
    ALSO – that whole wife thing seems pretty elaborate to me to not be real. I”m with the PP who said that guys don’t worry about that stuff – they just don’t wear the hat, and they definitely don’t make up cover stories if they don’t like the hat.

    I’m winding lace weight and wondering about buying a ball winder. do you have one? (You are one of my knitting inspirations, so . . .)

  • 38 Lynn @ human, being // Jan 6, 2010 at 2:07 am

    It’s going to be minus 3000 in Denver on Thursday. If you overnight it to me, I’ll get it just in time.

    (Give her the hat, silly)

  • 39 pharmgirl // Jan 6, 2010 at 10:07 am

    Give him the hat. Don’t waste the Karma!

  • 40 Sara // Jan 6, 2010 at 11:01 am

    Geez. Keep it for yourself. It’s a cute hat. You deserve it.

  • 41 Angela at mommy bytes // Jan 6, 2010 at 11:50 am

    I know Sarah claimed it first, but the hat should definitely go to me. I love a lavendar rinse, I bet it is gorgeous!

  • 42 marianne // Jan 6, 2010 at 3:55 pm

    Oh, no! I have so often kept a present back from the second-guessing. I don’t think I’ve ever regretted giving something, but I have regretted NOT giving something (as it sits in my car, or on my dresser, or by the front door, mocking me). There can’t be any lasting harm to this right?*

    *(Unless he starts getting fearful that he has a hat-knitting stalker–heh, heh. See how this happens?)

  • 43 Natalie // Jan 6, 2010 at 7:50 pm

    So, I’m an overthinker, too, and here’s what I overthought: Maybe he mentioned his wife because he thinks you knitted him a hat because you’re in love with him. Maybe it was his delicate way of letting you know that he’s off the market. So now you HAVE to give him the hat for his wife, so that he knows you knit for people you don’t also want to sleep with. You know. I’m probably totally wrong, but you can’t NOT give him the hat. Or else it’ll be all awkward when you take Meredith to school.

  • 44 Wendy // Jan 6, 2010 at 10:03 pm

    yes, you must give him the hat.

    and make another one for me.

    (i hadn’t even gone where natalie went but i kinda agree w/her on the wife signal)

  • 45 k4nitter // Jan 8, 2010 at 9:41 am

    Maybe his wife is suspicious and he HAS to give her the hat because she wants to know who the HELL is knitting him hats. Give it to him with a smile because the collective unconscious in us all needs the gift of “giving anyway” without preconceptions, intentions or second guessing. Also, include a note with the hat for the wife THANKING her for sharing her husband, the wonderful coach who people appreciate so much they make hats to keep their heads warm. :)