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What a wicked way to treat the girl that loves you, Oreos.

March 10th, 2017 · 12 Comments · Daily

As you may (or may not) know, Jeff’s position was eliminated back in July.

Question From People Who Probably Mean Well: So, what have you been up to since Jeff’s position was eliminated? Walking in the open wind? Talking like lovers do? Do you want to dive into the ocean? Is it raining with you?

Answer: Actually, Jeff has been taking classes and networking and searching out new positions, and I’ve been eating. A lot. A HELL of a lot. And not moving around very much. Not moving around at all. Two years ago I lost 20 pounds with the help and encouragement of an amazing health coach and it felt great and I felt healthy and: All 20 of those pounds (plus a few more) have found their way back to me in the past seven months.

Lesson: If you can’t eat Oreos in moderation, just stay away from the damned Oreos. The same goes for Doritos and bread and bean burritos and Panera Gluten-free Monster Cookies and anything that might be wrapped in plastic and infused with chemicals. This shouldn’t be difficult!

My Fitbit sits in the corner (on my wrist, because I’m in the corner knitting and/or eating Oreos) and sobs because she thought she was a fitness tool and now she’s having a bit of an identity crisis.

A few weeks back I talked to my health coach (and friend) on the phone, and she told me that stress makes your body crave carbs. Sadly, the stress hasn’t led me to yearn for the spiced lentils that I always keep in the fridge.

My clothes don’t fit. Like, it hurts to wear some of my clothes. Also, I might put your eye out with the button on my jeans if I don’t make some immediate changes.

(I can’t/won’t buy new clothes.)

Worst of all? I don’t feel healthy. I know people of all shapes and sizes who feel healthy exactly where they are. That’s what I want.

AND, do you know what’s funny? Nothing. Nothing is funny. (I’m exaggerating. A few things are very funny. Stop what you’re doing right now and read The Nix. Also, check out the audio version for when you’re driving. It’s a masterpiece.)

Oh, you guys. Jeff’s birthday was two days ago and one of his ex-authors sent us four jar cupcakes from Wicked Good Cupcakes to celebrate the day. Last night I dove into The Wicked Good Cupcake. It’s peanut butter and chocolate chips baked and layered with peanut butter frosting and chocolate ganache. My tongue was completely stretched out to reach the bottom of that cupcake jar. In fact, if that jar was a boy on prom night (and I gave my consent and I wasn’t the current me, but an earlier version of myself), what I did to it probably would have led to me being pregnant right now.

You know that my relationship with food is tricky. I could tell you stories that would shock (and eventually bore) you. Ugh.

I know what I need to do and because of my health coaching from two years back, I know how to do it and I just NEED to do it and stop treating myself the way I would NEVER treat others. And I’m NOT being all WOE IS ME! with my hand against my forehead. Instead, I’m more like ENOUGH, DAMNIT! (In other words, I’m not in need of kind words.)

I’m putting this here not because it has anything to do with anything. It’s just that I’ve always loved it and I think you’ll love it and let’s all have a good weekend.

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12 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Carroll McNeill // Mar 10, 2017 at 5:50 pm

    Stress leads to craving carbs, eh? Who knew?? (Like EVERYone knows, Carroll!!)

    So, you and me, Babe — how about it?

    Can we make some kind of pact about avoiding “know-better” eating? I mean, like right after I polish off this last box of Girl Scout cookies?

  • 2 fluidpudding // Mar 10, 2017 at 5:55 pm

    I’m in.

  • 3 Martha // Mar 10, 2017 at 7:06 pm

    I absolutely, totally get you on the food, and weight, and tight jeans! I’ve had successes and failures and will continue, I hope, to do so. (The hope part is in regards to the successes) I often have this subtle thought going on that any day now I’m going to have to start doing better so I’d better enjoy myself now. That’s not a great attitude, of course, as that any day can turn out to be a long way down the road. Hang in there.

    Also, I love the video!

  • 4 MJ Martin // Mar 10, 2017 at 7:28 pm

    Do you want me to tell you what you need to do If so I better do it in a PM.

  • 5 Marianne // Mar 10, 2017 at 9:57 pm

    This week I spent 2 days inhaling carbs, and then I went to the store and bought a bag of Reese’s eggs. The best Reese’s. And although I gave a few out at work, I’ve eaten nearly the entire bag. And we’re WEEKS away from Easter, which means they’ll be available in the store for weeks.

  • 6 Ellen // Mar 13, 2017 at 10:49 am

    I am in the exact same place you are, health coach and poundage and all :-( In the spirit of feeling better – let’s do this!

  • 7 Cindy // Mar 13, 2017 at 1:04 pm

    I wonder what it means when your body craves melty cheese because I could eat buckets of melty cheese right now.

  • 8 Louise // Mar 13, 2017 at 1:30 pm

    As someone who turns to sugar when the going gets rough (or when I’m super-tired), you have my empathy. I don’t care to recall how many lemon bars I’ve eaten in the past two days! Good luck getting back to the habits that worked for you. (And a very belated thank-you for posting about your shoe purchases. Thanks to you, I’ve been happily wearing Alegria shoes for a couple of years.)

  • 9 pharmgirl // Mar 13, 2017 at 3:11 pm

    Fist bump to Jeff & to you. I got my “call” at the end of Feb. (No worries, they took good care of me)

    I got my trainer the first of March. Completely necessary. If not, I would be on the couch eating brownies while watching “My 600lb Life”.

    There is a plan.

  • 10 pharmgirl // Mar 13, 2017 at 3:24 pm

    Oh, And Marianne — I will see your Reese’s eggs and raise you the Russell Stover Key Lime eggs.

    I’m a slut for citrus.

  • 11 DLG in Mich // Mar 14, 2017 at 6:45 pm

    Yeah, me too. I started stress-eating at the start of the election cycle and kept eating (and drinking) right through the first 50 days of this guy’s term. I can’t keep this up for four years, so I went back to WW this week. *sigh* Solidarity, sister.

  • 12 Jen // Mar 18, 2017 at 4:43 am

    I had kept the 60 lbs I regained off pretty successfully until this past summer, and I found 20 of it had snuck back on. I pretty effortlessly lost 11 of those 20 pounds, plateaued after our trip to the Lou in September (because HELLO…many of my favorite foods that I don’t get on a regular basis), and I was OK with that plateau, because I was still keeping the 11 pounds off, and then I started stress eating…thanks to the fucktard that is currently semi-living in The White House. The weird thing? I’ve been unable to put my finger on why I’ve been stress eating until reading the comments on this particular blog post. DLG in Mich, thanks for the light bulb. However, now that I know the underlying source of my stress and my eating, I’m stressed out even more, if that makes any sense at all. Only 1018 days until moving day (to Mexico).

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