Day Three: Saturday Night's All Right for Fighting Renee Zellweger (and Knitting)
This morning I took Meredith to see Bee Movie.
My favorite Meredith quotes during the movie:
"Mom? I've never seen a movie like this in my whole life!"
"Mom? Get your purse out of that chair. Someone might see it and think that it's theirs."
The movie wasn't that great, and I'm not just saying that because a lot of other people are saying that.
I'm saying that because I will never like anything that involves Renee Zellweger.
She ruined this particular movie for me because she sounded like a total airy drunk, and it's difficult for me to feel anything but indifference toward a total airy drunk who runs a flower shoppe (and I inserted that extra "pe" very loosely!) and cavorts with a bee.
I've said it before.
You know I don't like her.
She's not a fan of my work, and I'm not a fan of hers.
(Okay, so she's the Entertainment Industry Foundation's Ambassador to Saks Fifth Avenue's 2007 Key to the Cure Campaign. I'll give her that. Whatever.)
Anyway. Go see Bee Movie if you want to, but don't yell at me if Zellweger ruins it for you. I'll just flash my big ugly "I Told U Sew" tattoo in your face.
(Also, don't yell at me if you're a big Zellweger kisser. Believe me, I understand the whole Unrequited Love for a Famous Person arm wave. If you really want to get back at me, insult Zach Braff.)
Onward.
What am I doing tonight?
Well, because I am slightly migrainesque today, I will be sitting on the couch in my pajamas and knitting.
Specifically, I'm trying to finish this sweater by Thanksgiving.
So far I have a back and two sides:
Also, I've started on the only Christmas gift I plan on knitting this year--a drop stitch wavy scarf for Meredith's teacher:
If you feel like delivering some comfort food and your name is not Renee Zellweger, I'll open the door for you if that comfort food is one of the following things:
1. A quart-sized portion of homemade macaroni and cheese--you don't actually have to make the noodles or the cheese, but I don't want the boxed powdery stuff if you can avoid it.
2. One small slice of homemade apple pie--warm, with a tiny sliver of vanilla ice cream on top.
3. An Art Vandalay from Moe's. (Made with pinto beans, please.)
Submitted by
Suebob
at 11/3/2007 4:02:04 PM- I just hate that they use regular actors in these movies. Give the voice talent a chance! These actors don't need the work!
My real beef is that I recognize voices really, really well. So when I hear Jerry Seinfeld, I SEE him in my mind, even if he is an animated character. This is why I don't watch animated films anymore.
Oh, now I am all mad and cranky.
Submitted by
Deb
at 11/3/2007 4:11:32 PM- It troubles me to look at her. I think she is an apple doll who sold her soul to some Disney villain in order to have a life as a movie star, and I think soon the apple farmer's wife will be rescued from a jar in Renee's belly.
Submitted by
tortoiseshelly
at 11/3/2007 4:59:31 PM- Nice going on the sweater! I'm working today on a little cardigan for my niece, but it's not nearly as detailed as the one you are knitting.
And in response to your macaroni and cheese request? If I lived anywhere near you, I would be dropping by right now. As chance would have it, there is a batch ready to go into the oven in my fridge this very minute. Unfortunately for you, I think it would be stone cold by the time I made the trip from Dallas.
Submitted by
TX Poppet
at 11/3/2007 5:38:51 PM- That sweater? It's to die for. Hope you feel better soon.
Submitted by
Jenn
at 11/3/2007 5:41:36 PM- I'm also sitting in my pajamas and knitting, not because I am migrainesque, but because I'm lazy and tired. I'm jealous that you have a real blocking board with measurements on it. I have a spare bedroom mattress and a measuring tape.
Submitted by
Angstmama
at 11/3/2007 6:09:32 PM- I like the scarf! I think that might work well for my boy's teacher. What yarn did you use?
Submitted by
FP
at 11/3/2007 7:07:52 PM- Kathy--He sure has been pimping it, hasn't he? Zellweger, however, has NOT been pimping. Because she's still nursing the hangover.
Suebob--I'm totally with you. And I think it's sad when the animators try to make the characters resemble the actors. It's cheese.
Deb--I bet it's a tiny tiny jar.
Witchypoo--Bread pudding! I forgot bread pudding!!!!
Tortoiseshelly--If you lived anywhere near me, I would be begging you for some of that macaroni and cheese. I would even pay you for it!
TX Poppet--Aw, thanks!!!
Jenn--It's my mom's blocking board. She had it delivered to my house a few weeks back, and that may have been her biggest mistake ever. I love it.
Angstmama--It's Handmaiden Lady Godiva, and the colorway is Woodlawn. Here is the info from Little Knits. (Their delivery is super fast!)
Submitted by
Erin
at 11/3/2007 9:32:20 PM- I'm not a knitter, granted, but... isn't "a back and two sides" technically a whole vest? I don't want to admit to you how much time I've spent thinking about this.
Submitted by
Erin
at 11/3/2007 9:36:44 PM- Oh, man, except you're not making a vest, are you. You're making a sweater. "Vest" and "sweater" look a lot alike in print. I'm always mixing up my "v"s and my "swea"s.
Submitted by
FP
at 11/3/2007 10:17:49 PM- Actually, Erin, you're brilliant. I should just screw the sleeves and go all vesty! Actually, I don't believe I've ever worn a vest, so it would make me feel quite daring! Perhaps I'll wear it without a shirt underneath. DANGER.
Surcie--I sort of hate that I inadvertently did the whole Seinfeld tie-in with the Vandalay reference. BUT, I was talking BURRITO! And seriously? It's SO much better with the pinto beans.
Submitted by
Mizmell
at 11/4/2007 7:43:31 AM- I'm not necessarily what you would call a Zellweger fan, but thought she pretty much carried "Cold Mountain."
You got a thing for Zach Braff??
Submitted by
Erin
at 11/4/2007 9:17:19 AM- I am in love with that scarf! I'm also wondering if you've disappeared from etsy for good, or if you plan on bringing the site back to life with goodies such as...perhaps a beautiful scarf I'd love to buy? Maybe you'll consider my plea post holiday season ;)
Submitted by
Sarah
at 11/4/2007 12:07:34 PM- That scarf is magnificent! It makes me want to learn how to create warm, fuzzy, beautiful things.
I also like Zach Braff.
Submitted by
jon deal
at 11/4/2007 2:46:35 PM- I liked the movie. (And not just because my livelihood is indirectly affected by how well DreamWorks movies do). Though I didn't really understand the addition of Patrick Warburton. He's great, but it just seemed like he was in there, simply to *be* Patrick Warburton.
And!
I know exactly why I personally dislike Ms. Zellweger. She's a "squinter." That's how she does her acting craft. She squints. Like Helen Hunt or WIlliam Shatner. I know, she was animated in Bee Movie, but I could hear her squinting.
Yeah, I said, "hear her suinting." You know what I mean. Don't make me stop this car and pick a fight with you!
Submitted by
kristin
at 11/4/2007 9:13:55 PM- 1. I loathe Rene Zellweger. God, her face is so pinched.
2. I'm totally going to make that scarf out of some of my handspun! Woo, awesome scarf!
Submitted by
Marcia
at 11/4/2007 11:14:27 PM- My husband, the manly man that he is, really wants to go see Bee Movie. I fear that I will be dragged along to it, and I'll hate it too. Renee's voice? Makes me want to hit someone - preferably, her. And she's probably only doing that good charity stuff because her publicist makes her. :)
Submitted by
stlbee69
at 11/5/2007 11:26:37 AM- I'm with Mizmell on RZ with Cold Mountain. And it didn't hurt that Jude Law was on there too. Love the scarf you are knitting. All your posts about knitting reminds me I need to get my ass in gear again.
Submitted by
Bryan
at 11/5/2007 5:08:20 PM- Oh my goodness.
Moes!
I haven't had a Moes craving since moving to Texas, but just reading the words on your page sent me into a Pavlovian drool that nearly short-circuited my keyboard.
Our thawed-out left-over Swedish Meatballs over white rice are going to be particularly disappointing tonight.
Submitted by
Belinda
at 11/7/2007 2:24:12 AM- UGH, Zellweger. Why? SERIOUSLY, WHYYYYYY? blechblechblech.
Not a big Zellweger fan, either. At least in an animated film, I don't have to look at her pouty wittle mouth.
This is the movie Jerry Seinfeld's been pimping, um promoting, right?
(PS - Spell check is telling me pouty is not a word. It wants me to change it to "potty mouth."