Oh, my aching head. I forgot my PIN, in the White Castle drive-thru. So, yeah. They’re like, “Pay.” And me, with migraine, cannot. “My brain? Infarcted.” Four cars behind me. Drive-thru guy losing patience. I’m almost crying. Two eight two one? No! Eight two one two?! That’s not it! “I am so sorry.” “I take [...]

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Dear iTunes, One night last week I was doing that whole I Can’t Sleep thing, so I jumped on the computer at something like 2:17 in the morning and started browsing through the recently released items in the iTunes store. You know how it goes. You listen to thirty seconds of one song, and then [...]

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Let’s get right down to business, shall we? As you know, Saturday night was the big Class of 1988 Twentieth Reunion Bust-up Jamboree Wing-Ding Saturnalia. To prepare for the event, I indulged in some vegetable quesadillas and a Budweiser less than an hour before the party. (This is not an attempt to foreshadow. Surprisingly, those [...]

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This video seems oddly appropriate today. Twelve hours from now I’ll either be whooping it up at the Elks Lodge with two handfuls of mozzarella cheese sticks, two feet wobbling with mad crazy rhythm, and a tongue dripping with amicability (and cheese), or I’ll be back home. In my pajamas. With a wallet that’s fifty [...]

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Okay, guys. I need some help. It seems that my 20 Year High School Reunion is in three days. I knew it was coming up. It is. In three days. This leaves me no time to lose those last few pounds, grow out my hair, or become a surgeon. If nothing else, I’m hoping (with [...]

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