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Edited to add: Thanks for all of the comments! The lucky winner has been chosen! Congratulations, Betsy!
When I was a sophomore in college, I rolled the dice and scored a roommate who was everything I wanted to be—21 years old, skinny, cute boyfriend, one year shy of a degree in interior design, hair like Bon Jovi, super cute… Et cetera. Christy quickly made friends with everyone in our hall. (I didn’t.) Christy had a fancy little car. (I didn’t.) Christy worked out at the gym every day. (I was in the marching band, which really seemed like exercise. Especially when we were running faster than full speed to our pregame formation. Gheez, I hated that.) Okay, so yeah. I DIDN’T exercise.
One day after band practice, I invited a friend over to my dormitory for dinner. While I was changing out of my muddy shoes to go down to the cafeteria, we came up with a plan for me to attend my very first fraternity party. (Although that was over twenty years ago, I remember the following conversation as if it took place yesterday.)
Me: I don’t even know if I have the right kind of clothes for a fraternity party.
My friend (Caryn): I’m sure we can find something.
My roommate (Christy): You can wear my clothes!
Me (Suddenly feeling like the big girl in the room. Because I was.): I don’t think your clothes would fit me, Christy.
Christy: Well, my shirts would! Angie, you’re not fat. YOU’RE JUST VERY WIDE.
VERY WIDE. VERY WIDE. VERY WIDE. (Keep reading that Very Wide thing while you spin around in circles and pretend that everything in your world is suddenly getting darker and smaller. There. That’s exactly how I felt.)
Caryn: Okay then. Let’s go to the cafeteria!
Me (Speaking in a tiny voice.): NoThankYou.
A few nights later, Christy and I found ourselves studying after midnight. When she asked if I wanted to go for a quick walk for fresh air, I jumped up and threw on my shoes. (That whole Very Wide thing motivated me to make better choices for quite some time. Walk vs. Not Walk? Walk! Baked Potato vs. Ice Cream with Fruit Loops? Baked Potato!) We walked from the dorm down College Avenue to Broadway (maybe a half mile? I have no concept of distance.) When we got to the intersection of Broadway and Ninth Street, Christy said, “I feel like running!” So she took off, leaving me standing at the intersection of Broadway and Ninth Street at about one o’clock in the morning.
Very Wide + Alone at 1:00 = Motivation to Suddenly Take Up Running.
My main goal was to never lose sight of Christy, but I failed because Christy was a stinking gazelle. After running for about two blocks, I ended up getting all winded and had to do that thing where you bend over to try to catch your breath. Stupid Christy. Stupid stinking Bon Jovi haired pretty designer with a car. Stupid cute boyfriend and cheetah-like running leaving me alone on this street in the middle of the night. Gasp. I’m dying.
I walked home. When I got to our room, there was Christy—drinking one of my apple juices and talking on the phone to her boyfriend about how she was going to come home for the weekend and would see him in a few days.
Christy (now off the phone): Angie! I was getting worried about you! I told myself if you weren’t home by 2:00, I was going to go looking for you.
Me (going with “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”): Heh. Yeah. Something (or other) about shin splints…
I started going to the gym the very next week. AND, I started walking across campus to eat at the faraway dorm cafeterias. AND, I never went anywhere on foot with Christy again.
Confession: When she left town to go home for the weekend, I raided Christy’s closet. I was (barely) able to squeeze my VERY WIDE butt into her jeans for the fraternity party, and those jeans were washed (with HER detergent, so as to avoid the “Why do my jeans smell like YOUR detergent?” conversation) and placed back into her closet within minutes of her return. Brilliant. The photo below is the only remaining evidence of VERY WIDE squeezing into Quite Small (and stonewashed)! By the way: Bolero!!!
So, what motivates you to exercise? Have you ever used your charm to persuade someone else to work out? Tell me about it! Share your funny story / video clip / photo / etc. in the comment section and on November 7th, the random number generator will choose one of you win $150. (Please keep your comments G-rated as any profanity or offensive content will automatically disqualify you from sweepstakes entry.) You should also visit The Daily Laugh hub to read funny content each day and for weekly chances to win $100 at the “Play For Laughs” game. If you share something really funny, we may even use it in The Daily Laugh!
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