I know the exact weight I need to be in order for my jeans to fit.
In January, I discovered that I was fourteen pounds OVER that weight, and my jeans still fit. However, when I removed my jeans (in a completely wholesome way, in order to quickly change into my vanilla frog pajamas), I had bumpy dark red rings around my waist indicating that I was putting some real strain on the waistband of my pants. Sadly, those rings stuck around throughout the night and into the next morning, serving as a constant reminder that although 14 is one of my very favorite numbers (42 is another!), it doesn’t really reflect well on my mid-section. (And let’s not even talk (or think) about my butt! I’m not joking around right now!)
(Side note: I often wonder if I should be drinking more water. Why on earth are those jean rings still hanging out nearly twelve hours after I remove my pants? (Greetings to the people who are finding my website after Googling “remove my pants!” Pull up a chair! There is absolutely nothing for you to see here!) Also, every night I spend way too much time smoothing out my pillow, because I know that any crease that finds its way to my face during the night will still be visible when I pick the kids up from school at 3:30 the next afternoon. I have actually canceled trips to the grocery store because of embarrassing pillow creases. I look like Seal!)
Anyway, because I wasn’t thrilled with the decorative red and itchy jean rings, I decided to take 12 weeks to drop the 14 pounds. And this is important: I decided to do it without adding any sort of exercise. Because zero exercise + zero exercise = I get to stay on the couch and knit! You think I’m lazy! You are correct! Don’t ask me to high five you. It might make me palpitate!
Two weeks ago, I reached the 10 Pounds Gone mark. And despite the Upping of the Fiber and the Continual Slow Elimination of Processed Foods, I’ve been hovering at 10 Pounds Gone now for 15 days. Unacceptable.
Last night for the first time in probably a decade, I did step aerobics for 30 minutes. And, according to The People Who Figure This Stuff Out, I burned 190 calories. And then I sucked three gallons of sweat out of the carpet with our wet vac. Today? My legs feel like noodles. And, according to The People Who Do This Sort of Thing Regularly, I’m supposed to really dig the fact that my legs feel like noodles. But I don’t. In fact, I think it’s time for a crazy animal print hat, because I’m finding that my stride today is quite pimp-like.
To meet my original goal, I have three weeks to lose four pounds. Tonight I’m going to get my hair cut, which means roughly 1/20th of a pound will be left on the floor at my hair joint. When I get home, I might shave my legs. (We’re entering skirt season, you know.)