Me: So, Scout—what the heck is going on with the cone?
Scout: Well, as you know, I had my ovario-hysterectomy on Friday. I was all groggy afterward, and my crate was smeared with feces! It was a terrible day!
Me: I know it was! The drive home was maddening! Poopy crate on my lap. You falling around inside the crate. Rush hour traffic! Harper yelling that she had to use the restroom so we had to pull over at Home Depot!
Scout: It was like that Chevy Chase Vacation movie, but without John Candy!
Me: Kind of! So, tell us about the day after your surgery!
Scout: Well, I remained groggy. And I couldn’t walk without getting all jerky and falling down. And I kept licking myself. And I didn’t pee for 24 hours.
Me: So we took you to the Emergency Vet Clinic where they decided that you were having a slight reaction to the sutures, and that your incision site was inflamed. Then what happened?!
Scout: They gave me a really painful shot, a bottle of NSAID chewies, and they sent me home with a cone around my head! Then what happened?!
Me: You slept through the night and acted like your old self this morning—but then we noticed that you were peeing every fifteen minutes and that, erm, it was a bit bloody.
Scout: You just lost fifteen readers!
Me: I know! So, anyway, we went BACK to the Emergency Vet Clinic, where they took a tiny sample and determined that you had elevated white blood cells, protein, and blood in your urine!
Scout: You to the Tee Eye! Have YOU ever had a urinary tract infection?
Me: Yes, I have. They’re TERRIBLE! The burning! The frequency!
Scout: Being a woman is tricky, yo. BUT, at least I can rest easy knowing that the unfixed poodle across the street isn’t going to sneak into the house and get me pregnant!
Me: Don’t even get me started. But, yeah. I get you. Speaking of which, do you have any opinions on the Mirena? Because now that you’re fixed, I’m once again thinking about getting MYSELF fixed, and everybody’s all, “Mirena! Say it loud and there’s music playing, say it soft and it’s almost like praying!”
Scout: That may be true, but how do you solve a problem like Mirena?!
Scout and Me: Ha. Ha ha. HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Me: Hey. Have you heard of that thing where people say that dogs and their owners have similar personalities, and that they eventually start to look alike?
Scout: I say it’s spinach, and I say the hell with it, E.B. White!
Me: Okay then. You’re probably right.
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The resemblance is uncanny. It’s almost like the picture was photoshopped or something… But you wouldn’t do that, of course.
How is you alien-less hip?
Oh Dear Goodness! If you can come up with stuff like this while you’ve got a raging migraine…
It does lend credibility to the theory that the most creative artists have to suffer for their work.
Too funny!
I love my Mirena – although I have a slight horror story about it that I shouldn’t share…..my favorite part is that Aunt Flo never comes for a visit anymore! Woot!
Ditto “whirled_peas”! My life is so much better with Mirena as part of it. And no horror story for me. Phew!
That last photo is freaking me out a little.
It is no fair how intrusive spaying is, I tell you. They can do a tubal through your belly button, though. Easy-peasy, no chemicals. You do still have to deal with Aunt Flo, though.
Packet had a bad experience when she was spayed, too. No UTI, thank goodness, but the stitches were too tight or something, causing her to be unable to eat or drink anything for a week. Seeing as how she’s my only ‘kid’, you can imagine how much fretting went on until that got corrected.
Happy healing, Scout!
Poor Scout! Poor Pudding! The woes of womanhood!
You have me in stitches as usual (the kind that don’t get infected…)
I have a mirena! I got it in December. I have Opinions and TMI that I will not share on this site, but if you are interested, I can overshare with you via email.
I have a copper T (Paraguard) which I chose instead of the Mirena b/c I didn’t want the hormones. I’ve had it for 4 years and I LOVE my IUD. But maybe the hormones would help with your migraines? So maybe Mirena is a better choice for you.
Hope it’s smooth healing for Scout from here!
Get well soon Scout!
I can’t do the hormones as they give me migraines, but I can 100% get behind the vasectomy. Less down time than a tubal, and lasts longer than an IUD.
I’ve been spayed (tubal), piece of cake and good drugs afterwards that you can hoard for special occasions.
When I hear emergency vet, I immediately start crying $20 bills. Ouch, that place is expensive.
Glad to hear you got it figured out and puppy is on the mend.
The Mirena seems fine. I have no sex drive, but I don’t know if it is because of that. Just thought I’d overshare!
Mirena is God’s gift to….well….anyone who wants to go get one. The “getting” part stinks, but the FIVE YEARS BABY FREE “after” part ROCKS! :)
I’m so glad she’s in good spirits after her surgery. Will she be needing hormone replacement therapy?
holymoly. I’ve been reading forEVah and have never commented but this post drove me to shameful guffaws so I had to say something. deliciously funny, you are.
You had me howling with that conversation! :-)
Hope Scout is feeling better soon.
Ouch! Poor darling. Hope she feels better soon.
poor little dog!
(Mirena is brilliant… although for the first month or so I was not nice to be around it then settles and it’s fab.)
Gotta give up the props to mirena!!!