She wanted something to happen—something, anything: she did not know what.

The only things written on the calendar for today: Heartworm pills, Migraine pills, Cucumber, Water. Three of the four have been taken care of, and as soon as the dishwasher finishes the Sanitize cycle, I’ll be removing my favorite cup and drinking water. I will drink more water in approximately two hours, and will continue to drink water until it’s time to hit the rack. Water! Drinking it!

We are back from Florida, and instead of singing long American Pie-esque songs about how great it was, I’ll give you the bullet list of superlatives.

Best Meal: The Anything Grows sandwich from The Bubble Room. I would link to the restaurant’s website, but as soon as you go there, terrible music begins to loop and blare and you probably hate that just as much as I do, because: Who doesn’t? Anyway, the Anything Grows holds fresh avocado, basil-garlic marinated mushrooms, tomato, cucumber, lettuce, red onion, Swiss cheese if you want it, and cucumber sauce on a grilled homemade bun. Also, a slice of cake at The Bubble Room is larger than a human skull.

Best Purchase: We didn’t purchase many things during the trip, but after suffering from ridiculous bug bites for the first four days, I finally did a bit of research and bought a bottle of No No-See-Um Spray. I spent the remainder of our trip smelling like a big floppy citronella candle, but it was worth it. Only the strongest of the tiny lint-shaped bugs were able to brave my lemony smell, meaning the bites were reduced by nearly 80%. Bonus Information: My head and neck are STILL all scabby and gross, so although I NEED a haircut, it’s going to be a few days before I feel like I can make that call.

First Runner-Up in the Best Purchase Category: Meredith’s t-shirt.

Most Annoying People in Florida: The people who sat next to us at Cheeburger Cheeburger (where I ate a pretty incredible Portobello Patty Melt) who were reeking of cigarettes and complaining about their “shithole of a Ramada” hotel that “can’t call itself a 4-star hotel if it’s built on a cobblestone street.” I’m all for cursing while around like-minded friends. (I’m very good at strategic F word placement!) HOWEVER, I also vote for filters and class when in the presence of strangers and children (and strange children).

My Favorite Person in Florida: The woman who gave the sea turtle lecture at CROW. She held all of our attention (Did you know that sea turtles have magnetic crystals in their heads that help them return to the exact site where they were born to eventually build their own nests?), and the more she talked about turtles you could see how much she loves turtles and then she actually started LOOKING like a turtle to me. (Sometimes when I look in the mirror for too long, I start looking like Jeff Goldblum.) It was because of her lecture that Jeff (not Goldblum, but my husband Jeff) spent a very rainy morning frantically trying to save the sea turtle nest that had been flooded by the storms. (He’s a gem, that one.)

My Most Conflicted Moment During Vacation: Some of you are thinking SHE ATE FRESH SEAFOOD! No. I did NOT eat fresh seafood. (Nor did I eat stale seafood.) Although I loved being able to talk to the birds who live in huge cages outside of the grocery store in Sanibel, I sort of hated seeing big birds in cages day after day. (We tend to visit the grocery store day after day. For example, yesterday I went to the grocery store. This morning I went to the grocery store. I need to go back tomorrow.) It’s fun to say hello to a bird and hear it say hello back. But then you (meaning I) start saying things like, “What I want is for you to be able to experience life the way it was meant to be. You are a bird who has done nothing wrong to deserve being in prison where your only toys are made of plastic and the nearest like-minded soul is twenty feet away IN ANOTHER CAGE!” and the bird responds by staring into the parking lot. And then it says, “Hello!” and I begin to weep until my mascara creates lines from my astigmatic eyes to my quivering chin.

And what is a blog post if it doesn’t hold photos? Still a blog post, I suppose, but don’t you need (unedited) PROOF that we were on vacation?

The beach was right outside of our condo door, so we often went shelling in our pajamas, which is much different than going to the grocery store in our pajamas, which is something we never do.

One of the three sea turtle nests on our beach.

The voice of the sea is seductive, never ceasing, whispering, clamoring, murmuring, inviting the soul to wander in abysses of solitude.
-Kate Chopin, “The Awakening”

(I will never pass up the opportunity to share quotes from The Awakening. It’s one of the few books that changed my wiring.) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>