This afternoon during the drive from the grocery store to piano lessons, I tuned the radio to one of the two channels currently devoting all of their time to Christmas music. Sadly, instead of Christmas music, they were playing some sort of commercial for a product that helps one deal with bowel incontinence.
Me (changing the station): You know, when I’m in the mood for Christmas music, the last thing I want to hear is a story about bowel incontinence.
Meredith: It IS the oldies channel. And sometimes old people have those problems.
Harper: I don’t even know what bowel incontinence IS!
Me: It’s when you go to the bathroom in your pants, but you’re not peeing.
Meredith: You know, life is full of surprises, and sometimes those surprises are in your pants.
A few minutes later, Meredith remembered that a woman at the grocery store almost hit her with a cart.
Meredith: Did you hear her tell me that she almost rammed my bum?
Me: I did. Yipes.
Meredith: Why is it called a bum?
Me: I think different people call it different things. When I was a kid, everyone in my family called it a bom bom.
Harper: Are you kidding me?
Me: I’m not kidding. Aunt Boogie says we called it a bom bom because Grandma D called it a bom bom. BUT, I have no idea why Grandma called it a bom bom.
Meredith: Why don’t you ask her?
Me: Because she died.
Meredith: Oh. I’m so sorry for your loss.
THE LAST LINE. So quality, these girls. I love it.
Ha! We weren’t allowed to call it a “butt.” My mother preferred “bottom” by my one grandma called it your butchy (rhymes with budgie) – and I only realized as an adult that she probably was just trying to take the edge off the word “butt” for my mother’s benefit.
Took me years into adulthood, well past the raising of my own two kids if you can believe it (and believe me, that will seem unbelievable when I finally get around to telling you the actual point of this ramble) to figure out why, as a child, I referred to the non-pee portion of the process as “Melly”. I mean, really — how slow can one brain possibly be? All those years of changing my own kids’ diapers and it never dawned on me? Sheesh! BUT, once I figured *that* one out, the reason I called the other one “Bee Bee” suddenly came clear too. Mental roadblocks? Conquered!
(And speaking of “sheesh”, the things we confess on the internet, eh?)
I LOVE Meredith’s line about surprises in your pants!! I will definitely use that one sometime in the future!
I love your girls. and speaking of going in your pants…. Moira has the stomach bug today. I’d like to say I am a frugal sort but, I have thrown away something around four pairs of underwear, three towels and a bathroom rug.
So yes, going to bathroom in your pants is living a WHOLE ‘nother meaning around here.
I keep saying Meredith is going to be a writer. Conversations like this one prove it. That girl is gifted. No surprise where she gets her wit, but it sure is a delight to get little glimpses now and then.
Your daughter is awesome.
Your daughters are the chip off the old block. Funny and thoughtful. My two favorite lines are from
Meredith. “You know, life is full of surprises, and sometimes those surprises are in your pants.” And “Oh. I’m so sorry for your loss.”
These feels like a scene from a British comedy. It reminded me of a younger, hipper version of “Keeping Up Appearances.” (I’m going to be so “bummed” when you aren’t writing every day.)
“Aunt Boogie says we call it a bom bom…” is probably the best line I’ve ever read.