An explanation of my alphabetical journal is here. Below the line is from April 4, 1990 to August 9, 1990 with names (and whores!) removed.
A man is singing. Afterwards, we bought doughnuts and then went back to eat and sleep. Afterwards, we came back to my room, rented a VCR, and watched “Stand by Me.” Afterwards, we filled his fire extinguisher with water. Another thing is that I always gain weight at school because I don’t work out and I drink every once in a while. At one point, he went into the kitchen to make popcorn. At this point, the good outweighs the bad.
Bad News: My rent is now $150 instead of $100.
Do you understand what I’m saying?
Everyone might help out for a few days, but eventually they will sink back into the rut and continue to use plastic bags and Styrofoam containers.
For lunch I’m having strawberries, an oat bran bagel, and skim milk. Four weeks ago today they had intercourse, and things are still comfortable between them. Friday night we went to his house to drink beer, tie-dye, and watch “Evil Dead, pt. 2.” Fucker.
Girl, you know it’s true. God, I am so sick of working here.
He accidentally broke my quartz over the weekend. He called me at 4:15am this morning and asked if he could come over. He cut his wrist with an X-Acto knife. He is sort of like a cross between Willie Nelson and Lou Reed. He never showed up. He told me that I get on his nerves and a lot of things I do are irritating. He told me that I’m too nice to him. He was all drunk and cut up from running around in the woods. His brother is an asshole. Hopefully the mosquitos won’t be too bad.
I am an annoying stranger. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I drank two and shot-gunned one. I feel like I’m really in control. I feel like I’ve really screwed up. I hate him. I hate it. I hate myself for saying that. I hate this!!! I hate this. I have no money. I have no regrets. I’m sitting in a van in a parking lot in Springfield. It was awful. It was nice. It was really nice. It’s 9:40 and nothing is going on, so we’re all just sitting around on the couches at the Chez. It’s something that has to be done eventually, and I think I’m ready.
Last night we did laundry together. Last night when we were at the Blue Note, I started wondering about something, but I didn’t know how to bring it up. Less than five minutes later, she was drinking and smoking again. Luckily, she was drunk, so she won’t remember what she saw.
My car died for good last night. My purse was stolen Thursday night while I was playing piano for the high school choir concert.
Not a lot has happened.
Right? Right. Rose quartz is supposed to help you give and receive love more freely. Rumor has it that she has a disease, so he should keep his distance.
Saturday night we went to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Avalon. She backed out of the apartment. She knew what was going on. Stop.
The most entertaining part of the evening was when a girl in a bikini top and a tight miniskirt puked all over herself and slung it everywhere. The only problem is that I’m on the rag. The plan is to get down to 115 pounds. The Thursday night after I shaved my head, we went for a walk. They sent me a heart shaped crystal box. Thursday night I’m going to see Chick Corea. Today was my birthday. Tonight we’re going to race go-carts and rent movies. Two weeks from tomorrow I’ll be twenty years old.
Wait. We ate, drank some wine, and then smoked some pot. We drank some beer beforehand and afterwards. We sat under a tree on a blanket. We walked to the columns, and then we went to look at the babies at University Hospital. We went out to Pinn4cles, built a fire, and drank two cases of beer. We went to a store so he could get cigarettes. We were worried about him all night, and then we found him passed out. What a life! What a mess! What a weekend! What an asshole. When we got there, all of the lights were out. While we were at Denny’s, we discussed where the clitoris is. Wish me luck!
Yesterday was Earth Day. Yesterday we went to the art museum and to the planetarium. You mean a lot to me, mean a lot to me, a lot to me, to me, me.
This continues to be some of the best reading on the internet! I mean, if we knew what we were doing, we could string some of these sentences together and get an entire journal entry out of it, right? I’ll work on that between now and next time :-)
I love this hypnotic story.
This part really resonated with me:
I am an annoying stranger. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I drank two and shot-gunned one. I feel like I’m really in control. I feel like I’ve really screwed up. I hate him. I hate it. I hate myself for saying that. I hate this!!! I hate this. I have no money. I have no regrets. I’m sitting in a van in a parking lot in Springfield. It was awful. It was nice. It was really nice. It’s 9:40 and nothing is going on, so we’re all just sitting around on the couches at the Chez. It’s something that has to be done eventually, and I think I’m ready.
Oh man, those days when we lived in drafty creepy apartments and we thought our rent of $200/ month was expensive, but the cheapest we could get were some of the best times. No money and no regrets would make a great tattoo.