Oh! The Google!

Lady at Pharmacy: You’re back again?

Me: I’m back again.

Lady at Pharmacy: You’ve still got the lice?

Me: I don’t have the lice. BUT, both of my kids do. It’s SO much better than it was two nights ago, but we’re still not completely done with it. We’re close.

Lady Behind Me: Oh! YOU’VE GOT LICE?!

Me: I DO NOT HAVE LICE! My kids are getting over it.

Lady Behind Me: I bet you have DOGS!

Me: I do.

Lady Behind Me: Well, THAT’S where you got it!

Me: No. I learned yesterday that dogs and people don’t share lice. Lice is species-specific. My dogs are protected. I wish my kids could take Trifexis. Please add these Pretzel M&M’s to my stack.

Lady Behind Me: My kid had lice FOREVER. I’ll tell you what you need to do. You need to Google it.

Me: I’m sorry?

Lady Behind Me: Yes. Get on your computer and go to Google Dot Com. Then search for stuff that gets rid of lice.

Me: I’ll do that.

We’ve now done two applications of RID on Meredith, the whole family did an overnight mayonnaise treatment (Puddings believe in solidarity!), both kids have dealt with Cetaphil treatments, we’ve used the blow dryer daily, we used the flat iron this morning, and as I type this update, both kids have LiceFreee! on their heads. (It’s already one hour past bedtime, and we can’t rinse this stuff out for another half hour. And then we have to comb out the nits. Nits. NITS. Oh Dear Lord Help Me Right Now Please.)

Our washer and dryer have been running around the clock.

Jeff steam-cleaned the rugs today as I cried and cranked out some freelance work.

Promise: This will be my final lice entry. I’m sick of talking about it. You’re sick of hearing about it. I might give you a little “Hey! We beat the bugs!” blip when that actually happens, but for now? Let’s change the subject. ALSO, please know that I will NOT send my kids to school if they have even ONE nit in their hair on Monday morning. AND, we’ll be shampooing with preventative shampoo at least once each week forever and ever amen, Randy Travis.

Hrm. I wonder what we’ll talk about tomorrow. Hey! Maybe we need to Google it!

(I know she was trying to help. AND, she was very nice about it. It’s just that I’m three inches away from throwing my fist through a wall (I’ve never done that before!) and the last thing I need is for a stranger to blame this whole thing on Scout and Henry. Because look at them.)

Rainy Night Banana Time

(Jeff thinks Scout looks a bit like Dave Navarro.)

((I’m gonna kick tomorrow.)) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

21 thoughts on “Oh! The Google!”

  1. Oh how I feel for you with the “lice issue.” My daughter had them years ago & I thought I would shoot myself about 1 hour into the whole gruesome ordeal. To this day if I see anyone scratching their head I shudder internally. So I feel your pain Mrs. Pudding! You sound like you have your situation (for lack of a better term) well under control, so no lice ridding (hah!) advice coming from this direction. Best of luck!

  2. You’re right. It’s not the dogs. The lice are species-specific. And you are doing a great job. And I’m sorry that it’s ruining your weekend. No more tears. Free lance can wait.

  3. I’m so sorry. Sending you positive thoughts and hoping it’s over soon.

    But on the bright side, Scout and Henry are absolutely precious and they smile for photos. Google Canine Calendar Stars. GOOGLE IT!

  4. Puppy dogs have ticks not LICE (it’s a human thing for all those who don’t know)….but be scared, really scared, when & if the the girls ever have ticks….just saying !! .

  5. Oh lady in pharmacy line with your bullst^t advice…you are an excellent reminder to me to keep my big mouth shut more often. May all your lice perish FP.

  7. I am so sorry about the lice. You must be exhausted.

    Also, I laughed and laughed at the Dave Navarro comment, and now I can’t unsee it. I hope you do kick tomorrow.

  8. Google dot com. That is hilarious. I had lice as a kid, and I vaguely remember my mom boiling my favorite rainbow shirt in a pot on the stove. Is that required or am I making this up?

  11. Nope, dogs don’t get lice. If I lived closer I would come over and help you comb. I don’t know if it’s true but we use tea tree shampoo for the first 3 mos. of school over here. Supposedly, lice don’t like the smell or taste or something. Can’t hurt, might help. Many hugs your way.

  14. PS: If you were one of those bloggers who feel compelled to modify the banner on a monthly basis? “Fluid Pudding — Google it!” FTW in November :-)

  15. “Hey, Lady Behind Me! I just Googled ‘person with unhelpful advice’ and guess whose picture is first in the image listing! Yours! Now, would you like to wear my hat?”

  16. My favorite “evesdropping customer at the pharmacy counter” comment ever:

    “You’re not retaining water – you’re retaining pizza!”

    I thought I was going to have to break up a brawl.

  17. go to google dot com? that’s very funny.
    good luck with the lice. really. i would move out for a week and let my husband deal. or i would probably cry so much he would force me to move out for a week.

  18. Ugh. We had lice briefly once but we had fleas – oh the god forsaken misery–FLEAS for months this fall. Three months of daily vacuuming and sweeping and mopping and carpeted stairs–are you kidding me? who the hell carpeted the stairs?–and laundry and– oh damn the dog just went into the kid’s bedroom–and the 70 lb dog gave them to the cat who spread them into every crevice in the house and I WILL BURN THIS HOUSE DOWN.

    And then it was over. May it be over soon.

  21. Oh, I wish I had seen this sooner! Somewhere I have a link to a website that has a lice treatment schedule, of all things, but it helped me to feel sane when my girls had it years ago.

    I refuse to throw out the nit comb- I feel very strongly that discarding it will only anger the lice and cause them to seek revenge.

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