In the spring of 1989, a friend called in the middle of the night to see if I wanted to go out for coffee. I changed out of my pajamas and walked across the street to his dorm, where he told me that I looked like Tracy Chapman. (Fast Car was a big deal back then.) 27 years have passed, and I still don’t see the resemblance.
I walked (very reluctantly) around the mall a few weeks back, and while there I saw a shirt that said “Another Day, Another Slay.” A few minutes later, I saw an “Eat, Pray, Slay” shirt. Oh, people. I know we all secretly want to be Beyoncé, but you know what? We need to just settle down and try to be the best version of ourselves.
The oldest note on my phone is from 12/19/12. It simply says “Jammy Weaselheimer.” I have no idea what it means, and I won’t delete it in case it ever comes up.
Yesterday I wrote something that included an imaginary shivering friend named Darius and my magical ability to stash beans in secret places. I either need to 1) Stop being so afraid to write short stories, and/or 2) Read more Tom Robbins novels. (Wait. Is Tom Robbins *really* 84? (And am I *really* 46?))
NEWSWORTHY ANNOUNCEMENT: Next Wednesday (12/21) will be the one year anniversary for me growing out my hair. (It’s a very big deal, right? Nothing else is going on in the world, right? CNN what? Syria who? Trump how? Russia when?)
Today I look like this:
(Confession: I don’t *really* look like this. The mascara is totally fake, and I applied the filter that seemed the most flattering. I’m not trying to fool anyone over here. I’m just trying to look scruffy glam. (Always and forever scruffy glam.) Also, it’s 18 degrees outside which means it was time to drag out the huge scarf! WINTER!)
Somebody tell me how to grab some Christmas spirit, because I’m idling at zero over here. (Tori Amos is currently playing as my background music. She’s definitely not helping me with her nine-inch nails and little fascist panties.)
Old man, look at my life. I’m a lot like you were.