This afternoon I had lunch with a friend from college who is in town from Los Angeles. Because he hadn’t been to our house in several years, I had to give directions over the phone.
Me: After making a left on This and That, you’ll see our house right where This and That meets Such and Such. So, you’ll be on This and That, but our street address is Such and Such. Um, we’re the third house on the left on This and That, but again: We actually live on Such and Such.
Doug: I’ll call you if I have any trouble.
What I neglected to mention? We are the only house on Such and Such (or This and That, for that matter) with a skyscraping penguin in the front yard. In other words, I could have saved something like 51 words by simply saying, “We’re the house with the monstrous inflatable.”
Welcome back, John Green. ‘Tis your season.
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Future therapy sessions for the children growing up in your neighborhood will begin with the trembling words, ‘There was a glowing penguin’, then cue the sobbing.
Sir–Because the light in his head went out (yet his belly still burns), our penguin now has quite a bit in common with Giuseppe Zangara. Inside that inflated gift box is an inflated pistol, my friend. (The children aren’t the only ones who will need therapy.)
I so need one of those.
Now the whole internet knows how to find your house, you do realize this don’t you? I’ll be over later.
“the light in his head went out (yet his belly still burns)”
OMG! That line alone is as funny as any blog post I’ve ever seen. The same could be said for many a middle-aged man I know.
Good to see you again, John Green. ‘Tis the season :-)
This is far more tolerable than the inflatable nativity down the road from us. But I’m pretty sure even a penguin-shaped guillotine would look sweet and cuddly. It’s their damn tuxedos.
JOHN GREEN. JOHN GREEN.
It’s really Christmas, isn’t it?