Too many irons and fires and pots and kettles and so forth.

Last night my father reminded me that I had not written anything at Fluid Pudding in over a week.

“Oh, yeah. Fluid Pudding. Heh. Oh.”

I must thank all of you who sent messages last week after reading the story of Meredith and The Plastic Bag. After I put that up, I received an e-mail from the school principal telling me that he spoke with the recess monitor and although she refuses to admit that she yelled at Meredith, she has agreed to apologize for yelling. I immediately punched myself in the head until I fell asleep at my desk. And then I puked out a return e-mail about the tone of voice not being an issue. It was the message. The message. Not the tone. And then I sat back with my imaginary martini in hand and bitched about the whole thing to the fairies in my head. And then I started knitting one of these sweaters with the goal of finishing it sometime around Thanksgiving. And then Harper threw a huge tantrum this morning and Meredith was running a temperature of 103.5 and it’s Spring Break! Aren’t we supposed to be at the zoo or something?! I was sort of losing my mind, so I picked up my knitting project bag and ripped out all of the work I had done on the sweater. I have no idea why I do that sort of thing. It’s sort of crazy, really. “Things are going sort of shitty, so I believe I’ll make it even shittier! Let’s turn up the shitty to SHITTY!” (For those keeping count, Shitty has just scored 4.5 points. (I gave an extra half point to Shittier.) And now we’re up to 7 points.) (By the way, I also kicked a castle made of blocks across the room, but I’m way WAY too embarrassed to tell you about that one. If I was in a rock band, I would surely be spinning around with my leg in the air and destroying a hotel room right about now. Do you want to come over? If you do, I’ll tie you to a chair and throw flaming baked potatoes at you.)

I missed the Andrew Bird show on Sunday night, and I’m still a little bummed about that, too.

Wow. You don’t hear from me in over a week, and I immediately start screaming at you. I’m a joy, no?

A few days ago I was working at the yarn store and I saw a man and wife walking side-by-side down the street. The wife was loudly whistling (seriously, like scream-whistling) “Memories” from Cats, and the husband was sporting a look of mild discomfort. And all I can say is “That’s LOVE. Or, that’s a guy who has totally given up.” And I’m sort of leaning toward the latter.

One last thing. If I see or hear one more commercial for yet another new stinking television reality/contrived smells-like-a-cheese-sitcom show about parents and kids and quirky situations and nannies or no nannies and too many kids or switching places with other kids or parents or whatever, I’m going to throw my television through the window. (And then I’ll tidy it up and put it right back on the stand so that I can play Animal Crossing: City Folk. Because I love fishing without actually having to touch a fish.)

Wait. One MORE thing. I’m 97% certain that I will not be attending BlogHer this year.

Wait. Did you hear that noise? I just exploded. In fact, if you find a tiny stain on your pants later today, it just might be part of my hippocampus!

(And, yes! I realize that this entire brain-to-fingers-to-you exercise consists mainly of sentiments that make you want to pull out the tiniest of violins. Poor baby, and whatnot. I know. I know! And recognition is the first step to healing or something.)

Now. Who wants to come over and make bread pudding? ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

26 thoughts on “Too many irons and fires and pots and kettles and so forth.”

  1. Oh dear. When I am feeling this way I usually drive thru Wendy’s and get a medium Frosty.

    Have you watched the new show “Castle” yet? The main female character wore FOUR different scarves last night, and suddenly I want to be her. Hair and all.

    So what I’m saying is maybe that show would help? Or not. Good luck!

    p.s. I love bread pudding.

  2. I’m sorry about your mood, but totally understand.

    I love Animal Crossing Wild World for Nintendo DS. We have Animal Crossing City Folk, but I don’t play it very often. It’s pretty much the same game. I love catching the fish and the bugs. If a coconut washes up on your beach, plant it on the edge of the beach and in the summer you’ll get big beetles worth a lot of bells…I’m just saying.

  3. Ah, a kindred spirit. I am sitting here reading your latest post and alternately laughing and ’tisk tisking” in sympathy because I explode about every 18.5 hours or so. It’s nice to know that I am not the only one loosing my freaking mind on a daily basis around here. I’m just not as skilled as you (or brave enough) to put it all down on my blog. If I did, the men in lab coats would drop a butterfly net over my head and haul me away in an ice cream truck…which might not be so bad.
    Although I have never played Animal crossing I find that playing World of Warcraft is just as enjoyable because I can do crafty stuff, fish, cook, conjure, immolate and destroy without getting messy which is a nice perk.

    p.s. You can chuck potatoes at me all you want buddy… just make sure you throw in a little sour cream and bacos

  4. Well! I guess that will teach Grandpa Pudding to keep the next little friendly reminder to himself now, won’t it? ;-)

    Here’s to “back-to-normal temperature” for Meredith, “not getting whatever Meredith has” for the rest of the family, and an all-around-delightful “warm-weather trip to the zoo” by week’s end!

  5. I’d like to come over and eat bread pudding. But I really don’t feel like cooking right now. (I’m 97% sure I’m not going to BlogHer, either.)

  6. I apologize – I really do – because your post has completely made me laugh.

    Not because I’m laughing AT you at all – but because I am so totally there with you, that it just makes me feel good that it’s not just me.

    And, when I’m at my worst, these things help me – 1. listening to Lenka – have you heard her??? GREAT, let me tell you. GREAT. Her whole CD – I listen to it over & over until my spirit is lifted. And, then there is 2. The Avenue Q soundtrack – the song “Schadenfreude”. I’ll warn you – it’s highly inappropriate for children, and there are very just inappropriate songs – but they are FUN-NY. And when you’re down, it helps.

    So, I’ll lift my fake martini to yours, and hope, hope, hope that tomorrow will bring a better day!!!

    :)

    By the way – I have got to check out that Animal Crossing game – that sounds fun!

    And – how could he NOT get it that it was about the message – not the tone. UGH.

    You have THE BEST blog. EVER. :)

  7. Hippocampus… snort. (also: note to self: look up hippocampus b/c i’m not 100% sure I remember what that is).

    I’m sorry that I’m having a laugh at your expense, but, this is a pretty humorous post none the less. Also, I feel you with the ripping out the knitting / making the shitty shittier.

    Now I’m hungry for bread pudding.

  8. I think you can find the hippocampus next to the rhinoscerant at the zoo. Also, apropos of nothing, we went to the zoo and the hippopotamus starting making this really odd sound that sounded exactly like Jabba the Hut laughing,

  9. Also, every time my husband takes vacation, I get sick. I hate that.

    So, I sympathize with your crap because it sounds an awful lot like my crap.

  10. see, this is why you need your blog — so you can unload on us! it’s a good thing!

    right?

    right.

    Can we make chocolate bread pudding? ‘Cause that sounds like a good idea about now.

  11. I make a viciously mean bread pudding. As in, the principal should have a talk with it. I’m thisclose to making a batch now and bringing it over tonight.

    Sorry to hear that you missed the show Sunday. Julie and I were hoping you’d be there.

  12. I’m not going to BlogHer (anymore). So when the time comes we can eat bread and butter pudding together and commiserate.

    Although with it being summer there then it might not be ideal pudding weather. But it will be winter here. And I’ll be here with the bowl on my lap, licking it clean for my sorrows ;)

  13. Bread pudding with liquor sounds lovely, thanks, I’ll have a double helping. I totally emphathise with you, so I am laughing, not at you, but with you, in an ironic kind of way, because, la vostra merda e la via merda, and big merda to the principal for not seeing that sometimes it’s just about the message.

  14. Maybe the husband had done something really, really bad ten years before, and had agreed to a singing punishment that lasted for the rest of his life, as long as his wife agreed never to mention the bad thing ever again and continued to wash his socks.

  15. Sometimes? Sometimes you just need a pity party. I had mine yesterday, ironically enough. Although, there was much less bread pudding and way more peanut butter m&ms.

  16. I’ve kicked a few things in my day, that’s just how we roll some days. Totally understandable.

    Though, if I’m having a good day, I’m fishing in Animal Crossing too (need to pay off mortgage!). Though, I bought some counterfeit art and am the talk of the town and I’m not sure I’m liking it so much. But I am the hide-n-seek champ right now, so that might just balance it out.

  17. You are so totally going to BlogHer this year, because I am 58% of the way there financially, maybe, and I’m even unemployed right now with three cats to support! You are so totally going, missy. See how I threw “missy” in there? Do I know how to make a point or what.

  18. i just stumbled over here from doobleh-vay and i gottatellya…i’m sort of hooked already and i’m only three posts deep. better hold my skirt up.
    (um, so i can wade in…not to flash you. that would be weird. although my metaphor is probably weird in itself and i should probably delete and start over.)
    too late.

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