Stock up on the Northern! It’s FAFPBPA time!!!

Do you remember back in March when I threw my fist to the sky and invited you to participate in the First Annual Fluid Pudding BreadPuddingAlong (also known as FAFPBPA, which is pronounced FafPuhBuhPah)?

Six months have passed, and I think it’s time we have ANOTHER FafPuhBuhPah! But this time? Let’s shake it up a lot more than a little, shall we?!

It seems that Wednesday, September 9th will find me knocked out (and rolled over) as I undergo both an upper endoscopy (to rule out ulcers) AND a colonoscopy (to rule out Crohn’s). Wheee! I’m not particularly rattled about these procedures, because the people driving the tubes around my insides do this stuff every single day. (Except maybe Christmas and/or their own birthday.) (I wonder how many times a tube-driving doctor has jokingly muttered “I shoulda taken that left turn at Albuquerque” while performing a colonoscopy. Because that is very (very) funny. To me.)

What I *am* a bit puckered up about are the events that have to take place the day prior to the procedures. Let’s call a duck a duck, shall we? I am dreading the idea of “bowel prep.”

This is where you come in. Wait! Get back here!!!

It’s the First Annual Fluid Pudding BowelPrepAlong (also known as FAFPBPA, which is pronounced FafPuhBuhPah)!!! On the morning of Tuesday, September 8th, which is Two Weeks from Today So Mark Your Calendars, we shall not partake of any solids. It’s a clear liquid day! AND, at four o’clock in the afternoon, the shivaree shall commence with the swallowing of four Dulcolax! One! Two! Three! Four Dulcolax!!!

Thirty minutes later? We shall drink a half bottle of Miralax mixed into a 32-ounce jug of Gatorade! At 8:00 in the evening? Yes! ANOTHER half bottle of Miralax mixed into a 32-ounce jug of Gatorade! According to my calculations which are nearly always incorrect, it looks like we’ll be ingesting three weeks worth of laxatives in four hours time! We are living the bulimic dream! It’s FAFPBPA!

I’m trying to decide if I should liveblog the event. I mean, seriously. If people can liveblog the Grammy Awards, why can’t I liveblog the clearing of my colon?

Okay. Who wants to design the shirts?

(CROSSING MY Ts, IN ALL CAPS, NO LESS: YOU EXPRESSLY UNDERSTAND AND AGREE THAT YOUR USE OF THE FLUID PUDDING WEB SITE AND THE INFORMATION THEREON IS ENTIRELY AT YOUR SOLE RISK. ANGELA PUDDING AND HER AFFILIATES AND LICENSORS WILL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE TO YOU OR TO ANY THIRD PARTIES FOR ANY DIRECT OR INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, SPECIAL, OR PUNITIVE DAMAGES OR LOSSES YOU MAY INCUR IN CONNECTION WITH THE FLUID PUDDING WEBSITE, YOUR USE THEREOF OR ANY OF THE INFORMATION, DATA OR OTHER MATERIAL TRANSMITTED THROUGH OR RESIDING ON THE WEBSITE, REGARDLESS OF THE TYPE OF CLAIM OR THE NATURE OF THE CAUSE OF ACTION, EVEN IF WE HAVE BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGE OR LOSS. TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW, YOU HEREBY RELEASE AND FOREVER WAIVE ANY AND ALL CLAIMS YOU MAY HAVE AGAINST ANGELA PUDDING, HER AFFILIATES AND LICENSORS FROM LOSSES OR DAMAGES YOU SUSTAIN IN CONNECTION WITH YOUR USE OF THE INFORMATION CONTAINED HEREIN.)

Edited to Add: Who wants to design the shirts? Melissa wants to design the shirts! So she did! (This is EXACTLY why I love Fluid Pudding Readers!)
fafpbpa ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

31 thoughts on “Stock up on the Northern! It’s FAFPBPA time!!!”

  1. Count me out! Sorry… I just can’t do that again…

    You are going to have good luck on 9/9/09, it’s also Brian’s birthday!

    I will be thinking of you, just not sharing the experience with you.

  2. Wellllllll…in solidarity, I’m going to pledge in as a firm “maybe” on the “liquids only” for the day portion of your adventure. The rest of the gig though, we’ll have to follow along from your own inimitable perspective. I say “YES!” to live blogging it!!!

  3. Not only will you get to experience the thrills of a colon cleanse, you’ll also get to spend the day peeing because of all the liquids! Whee! It’s a twofer!!

    Good luck!

  4. And here I got all excited about bread pudding! No fair.

    Sad to say I won’t be able to join you (might be hard to explain to my boss), but I expect Live Tweeting!

  5. Ummmmmm, no. Already did that last year, endoscopy and colonoscopy just like you! At least you get Miralax and Gatorade. Miralax has no taste. My prep solution was NASTY.

  6. I have to agree with Suzy Voices-when I had “the procedure” done earlier in the summer I had the nasty-tasting prep solution.

    Buy lots of Gatorade (but no red or purple), broth, apple juice, and tea. Get a book from the library that you can read while you’re in the bathroom, because you’ll be spending quite a bit of time in there!

  7. I’m sorry, but I think I’m going to pass on this one. Take a rain check, as it were.

    Actually, I got all excited at first because I thought you were going to detail your annual toilet paper purchasing process. Didn’t you once say you buy TP just once a year? Every once in awhile I think about that and wonder, “How does she calculate the required yardage? Does she have a pallet delivered to the house? Does she own a fork lift? What happens if, halfway through the year, she desires a product change?”

    It’s something I suppose I could set my husband to working on… surely his degree in supply chain management would qualify him to quantify our TP requirements and set up a purchasing and distribution schedule. Hm.

    Anyway. I hope your annual supply will stand up to this test.

    And I don’t know if I hope they find anything or not. I suppose if they find something, you can fix it. And that would be good. But I’d hate for you to have either ulcers or Crohn’s, so, I don’t know.

    Also, I think you should Tweet your experience. Because that way all you have to do is have a cell phone handy, which might be easier to keep with you during the day for any, um, urgent calls.

    :^) H

  8. Wait, you mean you AREN’T excited to drink so many laxatives that you purposely shit water? I thought you liked to party, but I guess I was wrong.

    Thanks for reminding me that when I reach a certain age, I GET to do the same thing because the colon cancer, it runs in the fam. GOOD TIMES.

    But hugs, nonetheless.

  9. I love it when bloggers announce the time they’ll be pooping.

    So, so funny.

    And? I’ve been there, done that. Not fun. But then? I didn’t commission a T-shirt either. I’ll have to remember that next time.

    BTW–I sure hope you don’t have Crohn’s.

  10. That shirt gave me the lulz.
    I do not envy you, my dear. If it has to be one of the two, I’m on Team Ulcer. Otherwise, I hope it’s something not painful and easily and quickly cured.

  11. Congrats! The prep is awful, but the drugs they give you for the procedure are sort of fun. (I have IBD, and I’m scheduling my scope for later in September).

  12. You are so funny! Funny! It is also funny to see the different “procedures” they use for a bowel cleanse, Mine was six dookilox, and then the green bottle of stuff. My question is always why do they make you start at 4:00 p.m which only ensures the you will be awake all night long running to the john? Makes no sense. Praying it all goes well for you.

  13. Agreed on the “drugs are sort of fun” – when pharmspouse had his procedure he was so complimentary and loving that I asked for a to-go cup of the Versed.

    Added bonus: amnesia.

  14. Um, no thanks–BTDTOTTS. But I do have to say–netiher a colonoscopy nor an endoscopy can rule out Crohn’s. You need the upper GI series for that. The good news on that is, the prep is just no food after midnight the night before, and drinking a large, refreshing glass of barium before imaging.

  15. I will not be joining in clear liquid & laxative day. That’s all you.

    I do, however, love the t-shirts & might be persuaded to wear one in public. Or at least to the gym. You should totally sell those. :)

  16. Well I would, but like many of your readers, I’ve already put in my bowel prep time this year. It didn’t occur to me to make it a group event, but I need ANOTHER one in three years (and three years after that, and three years after that…)(I am a “polyp producer”! I want THAT on a t-shirt) so surely that will give us time to sync up our dates, yes? FAFPBPA 2012? I’m in!

  17. 1.) When you counted down the Dulcolax, I read it in my head like the Count from Sesame Street. With HA!HA!HA!HA! after it.

    b.) You should wear that t-shirt proudly.

    %.) Please live-blog.

  18. While I’ll pass on the invitation to Group Pass Our Bowel Contents at FAFPBPA, I do admire the shiznit out of your humor regarding the whole fecal affair. You’re hilarious.

  19. Love the t-shirt, but will skip the solidarity as I’ve been there done that this year. Two words for you, though: Cottonelle wipes! And yes to the live blog: somtimes you just have to marvel in public about the yellow-Gatorade pee-like liquid that’s….um, not coming from where pee usually does. Good luck!

  20. If you’re not on Twitter yet, you really should be for FAFPBPA.

    I think I’ll pass on this one though.

  21. Live blog! Love blog! Love blog! ;)

    Sister, I’ll be with you in spirit. Been there. Done that. Keep a pile of favorite mags next to the pot and you’ll be fine!

  22. Angie, I just had this done about 3 weeks ago. I had the pre-mix stuff and it was just unholy. And maybe that’s because I cheated and pretended that egg drop soup is a clear liquid. Very much…. uh…. not. I was just so hungry by 3pm! I’m weak! No Crohn’s, sister… wishing you just the standard IBS… wait. That didn’t come out right… get it? And, yes Wendy. Cottonelle wipes and Tucks wipes toward the end. Hoooo noooooo so many people get violated in this way every year… it’s what all the cool kids are doing! Nips to you!

Comments are closed.