Colon Firth—The Final Innard Entry

I come to you this day to report that my colon is clear and healthy, and I may now sit safely under the large (and slightly itchy) IBS quilt.

Wait. Did you just say you wanted to see a photograph of my colon? Well, here you go!

Colon!

(That is not a hot dog, René Magritte!)

As you can see, what my colon lacks in personality, he makes up for in shininess! Pizazz, even!

When he gets spruced up a bit, he turns into an angry (and sweaty) chemistry teacher!

Colonface!“Astatine!!! Einsteinium!!! Damnit!!!”

(Thanks to everyone for the comments and e-mails. I’m now off to Chicago for my annual Fiber and Sushi Hajj.)

‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

26 thoughts on “Colon Firth—The Final Innard Entry”

  1. Hah! Rene (insert accent) Magritte, eh? I tell ya, I learn something new every single day around here. So, why is there an *image* of a hot dog up there, eh, Angie??

    And, IBS you say. Something to “live with”, “manage”, “control”…possibly stress-related, hormonal connections too… Hmmm. Sounds like all you have to do it stop being a woman, and a busy wife and mother & you’ll be just fine.

    Good luck with all that (Seriously, I do of course mean good luck with figuring out how to manage/control your symptoms) and a big “whew!” from here that it’s nothing more dire.

    Sushi, ho!!

  2. It looks like… I don’t know what. When they took a picture of my eyeball at the doctor it looked like space but this looks like… pink… space? Anyway, glad it is all okay and you are healthy from the inside out!

  3. That might be the sparkliest colon I’ve ever seen. Not that I’ve seen many colons.

    Perhaps the angry chemistry teacher’s been the cause of all the rucus.

  4. Ah, IBS claims another victim.

    Glad to hear it’s nothing serious, although trying to figure out an avoid your triggers gets very tiring.

    Also, that is a very shiny and clean colon.
    Have fun gettin’ your fiber on. :)

  5. I must say you did a fabulous job cleaning that sucker out before the photo shoot.

    I bet the Jolly Ranchers created that lovely sparkle. Or you have fairies living in your colon. Fairies who apparently are prone to bouts of irritability.

    Glad it’s nothing more serious.

  6. I’d go with the irritable fairies theory.

    Have fun in Chi Town! Can’t wait to hear all about your knitting adventures. I bet you’ll have quite the yarn to spin (ar ar ar).

  7. I have to agreed with ‘on the curb’, and I have for one am very grateful that it is clean & sparkly… it reminds of that urban myth about the visit to the gynaecologist (I think they’re called ob/gyn in the US?) & the glitter soap…. whoda thunk you could get sparkly laxatives!

  8. 1) Yay, I’m so glad it’s not Crohn’s
    2) I conquered IBS through very deliberate measures and now only rarely have attacks. These measures were:

    a) taking 3 Tablespoons of benefiber daily
    b) taking a probiotic daily
    c) having my Vitamin D level checked, learning it was 11 (should be 60) and starting on a long, high-dose regimen of supplementation
    d) stopping hormonal birth control (I really started feeling better once I got rid of the Fucking Mirena IUD)
    e) acupuncture
    f) quitting dairy, except for cheese and ice cream on occasion (and then I pay for it)
    g) taking Valerian and Kava Kava when I feel stressed, because stress is the #1 trigger for most IBS

    It’s a journey to figure out your exact prescription. The best guide I found was a naturopath. The MDs don’t know shit (ha!), and IBS is essentially a throw-away diagnosis for “we don’t see anything structurally wrong with you so here’s a name for what ails you and there is no good pharmaceutical so good luck with that.”

    Yes, I am a little bitter. :)

  9. Are you sure that’s shine and not powdered sugar? Because your colon firth looks a little like a cruller, no? And it sounds like Lynn’s measures could have spared you a scoping, but then again, then we wouldn’t have known what a shiny chemistry teacher looks like. Also great to have Crohn’s eliminated. Hope the sushi was epic.

  10. Hey, I have that same quilt! I was diagnosed three years ago, after 13 years of getting sick every time I ate. Just knowing what is wrong with you is a big part of feeling better. I pretty much eat whatever I want at home now, but I’m really careful when I go out to eat. My triggers are melted cheese, milk, and super greasy things (hello, last night’s homemade fries). After I was diagnosed, I bought “Eating for IBS” by Heather Van Vorous. It has some good recipes, especially if you like Asian foods (which, unfortunately, I don’t so much). It’s a good place to start.

  11. Love your blog! Butt… I will be glad when you post again ’cause I’m kind of getting freaked out by seeing this pop up every day when I open all my blogs to read. :-)

  12. Dear MS Pudding,

    You have an amazingly clean and shiny colon! I’m pleased t announce your colon passes our health and safety standards inspection with flying colours.

    Actually, I have never seen what a colon likes before. I am amazed at what you learn on the internet.

    I hope you and you colon have a good day.

    Kind regards

Comments are closed.