It’s hip to be square.

Before I even started typing this post, I hesitated.

Because it’s about my maladies. (Look away, Reader Eddie. These are the posts that burn you to bits!)

Admittedly, my maladies are lame. AND, the only reason I’m even USING the word malady is because I like to pronounce it mah-LAY-dee, as in “Would you fancy a cup of tea, mah-LAY-dee?”

This morning I loaded up the girls and took them to see my doctor. I’ve been waking up with one hell of a backache for the past three weeks, and it doesn’t really matter how much I bend and flex and worm around on the floor—it’s not getting better. I would continue to ride this storm out, but we’re leaving in a few days and I really don’t feel like going all Fred Sanford with a cane in Wyoming. Also, I’ve got a spot on my hip. <—Did you notice that? Totally secondary to the back thing.

My doctor laid me down (Billy Joe’s “Piano Man” was playing in the background. My doctor had me feeling alright.), checked out a few things, asked a few questions, and decided that a week-long course of anti-inflammatory drugs paired up with a few muscle relaxants and some exercises will have me Couch to 5K-ing in no time. (As if.)

Me: Oh! I also want to show you this thing on my hip.

Doctor: What’s going on?

Me (all red-faced and trying to pull my too-tight skirt over my cushioned hip): I’ve got this spot thing that showed up a few weeks ago, and now it looks like it’s growing and, well, I can’t wear pants that touch it because yee-ow!

Doctor (examining the map of South America that is slowly forming on my right side): Ooh. Is it draining at all?

Me: I don’t want to talk about it. Um, no. It’s not draining. But it feels like an eruption could take place near Paraguay.

Doctor (poking me): I think you’ve got a touch of cellulitis.

So, anyway. It looks like I’ve got a touch of cellulitis. And now I want to show it to you, because I’ve got a blog. (Please know that according to Wikipedia, Cellulitis is unrelated (except etymologically) to Cellulite. Except etymologically. I love that.)

NotMyButt

And let’s just get something straight. It appears that I am showing you my butt in this photo. By now, we all know that I would never do such a thing. Please be aware that the spot is actually above my hip bone. I have no idea what sort of contorted move I did to make it look like I was dropping low on the skirt. Anyway. This photo? Totally rated PG. And another thing: Since when do I have an Adam’s apple?!

I should end on a positive note. In the above photo, I like my pointed shoulder. I also don’t mind the crazy veins that sit on my fourth knuckle. Best of all? I’m wearing a Nashville Flood Tee.

Okay, then. Back to your day.
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20 thoughts on “It’s hip to be square.”

  1. Cellulitis? I thought that’s what I had when I was forty pounds heavier and my thighs rubbed together.

    (and you’re totally mooning us – don’t even try to deny it. ;) )

  2. *sad* My thighs will always rub together. At no point in my life, even when I was in grade school, have my thighs not rubbed together.

    BUTT anyway, Wikipedia says you should rest your hip.

  3. That is TOTALLY your boooo-tay! My dad got cellulitis on his elbow from a mosquito bite and it got all nasty and swollen. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that yours gets all nice and unswollen though – you know, for your vacay.

  4. I had cellulitis on my calf last year from knicking my leg while shaving. Hurt like the dickens. Hope it clears up quickly for you.

  5. UGH. I had cellulitis in my feet when I was in college. One day, I could not walk because my feet were so owie and swollen. I had to crawl to the phone and call for a friend to take me to the ER. My thoughts are with you and your hip.

  6. Ouch, ouch, ouch!! Your back must really ache to put that sore #2 on your list of things to discuss with your doctor.

    Hope you’re feeling better soon ….

  7. Ohhh, my dad had Celluitis a couple years ago. They gave him … what’s the name of the stuff they give people exposed to Anthrax?! They gave him that! It was kind of crazy. I hope you feel better soon!

  8. Now i’m getting all hypochondriac-y about a weird spot on my leg. I wonder if Dr. Google will have any insight for me…

  9. My husband had cellulitis after a (we think) spider bite, and it was really freaky. Some antibiotics cleared it up and away it went. Hoping the same for you.

  10. I have that same spot on my hip, but I got mine from walking into a pointy door knob. Hurt like hell, too.

    Hope your spot & back recover soon.

    Michele

  11. Hmmm…odd to have random cellulitis. Are you sure you didn’t pick a zit or a bug bite or something? You will be on a nice round of antibiotics for at least a week. Eat alot of yogurt or take a probiotic with that…like an appetizer. I feel for you with the back issues…is your mattress old? You may need a new, firmer one.

  12. i had cellulitis on my scalp years ago, the result of picking at a scabby cyst that had become inflamed. the antibiotics I was given didn’t work and I ended up taking a trip to urgent care to have the whole thing lanced, drained, and stitched. no fun.

  13. You’re the fourth person I’ve heard of having cellulitis. I’d never heard of it before six months ago. However, it seems to be common. Let’s hope it goes away and stays away.

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