I want arachnid roll all night. (And party every day.)

I asked for fundraiser ideas, and you flooded me. Thanks so much for being who you are. (Burritos. Let’s go eat them.) Not only did I get some great ideas from your comments, but several of you e-mailed with even MORE ideas and details and links and thank you. (I’m being honest with the burrito thing.)

(My Africa birthmark disappeared during my 20s. If transient birthmarks are a thing, I’m really hoping for Argentina on the inside of my wrist when I’m 43, which will occur in approximately ten days.)

This morning my mom and I volunteered to help the kids in the gifted program as they made paper out of pulp and warm water and framed screens and tiny hands and first and second grade levels of enthusiasm. Mom arrived at our house at 8:15. At 8:30, we loaded up into the car, and I backed full speed out of the garage straight into the side of her car. And, may I curse here for a second? Because I felt really shitty. REALLY shitty. I still do. Argh. The good news? I hit my mom’s car and not a stranger’s car. More good news? I hit my mom’s car and not my mom. Even more good news? I don’t think she’s going to press charges. (At least I don’t expect her to press charges. But, honestly? I’ve been told that you never know WHAT to expect when you’re expecting, just like you can’t assume because it makes an ass out of u and me. (A friend of mine once quoted the assume thing on the Oprah show! Really!) (Wait. I’m not EXPECTING.))

After returning home from the making of paper, I drank some coffee and immediately experienced the sensation of spiders crawling on my head and face. Part of me felt scared that I had developed an unexpected allergy to my coffee, which is the same crap instant coffee that I’ve been drinking every day for YEARS. Another part of me (specifically, my right hand) reached up and was able to pull an actual spider web off of my forehead. I then ran to the mirror and saw nothing with legs, but fifteen minutes later I had another wispy web attached to my glasses. Do not click on this link if you’re freaked out by spiders, but do you remember when this happened in my mailbox?! ¬†Well, now it’s happening on my head. (You might want to rethink having burritos with me.)

Car Wrecker

(Side story: I got my hair cut yesterday, and my stylist asked if she could try a fade on the back of my head, and I’m 100% in for trying new things, so now I’m scalped at my neck, and it gradually builds to the top of my head and I love it, yet what a horrible description I provided for you, so I just searched out what a fade looks like, and I came across this. My hair looks nothing like that, but I sort of wish it did.) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

10 thoughts on “I want arachnid roll all night. (And party every day.)”

  1. Now you and I match! Remember me taking out Chrystal’s side mirror?

    My first thought when I see that hair is, “How long did it take him to grow that out? And what an awkward phase it must have been!”

  2. I clicked the spider link. Augh. And then I clicked the fade link and laughed out loud and showed everyone in my house, and most of them laughed, too. You’d look great with that ‘do.

    I’m sorry about your mom’s car. I hope she doesn’t throw you in the clink.

  3. The fade photo made me guffaw!

    And, the car thing made me guffaw as well.

    *NOT* laughing *at* you, of course. Laughing ruefully at the memory of having done the exact same thing. Except not my mother’s car. Car of a friend who had parked in our driveway (where, in my defense, there is ordinarily never another car parked when I am leaving the garage) ((so why would I have bothered to look, right?)) and driven up to SF for a ball game with my husband. I had stood on the driveway and waved them off not an hour earlier. I had seen the car. One part of my brain had to have known it was there. One extremely forgetful part of my brain.

    When the clonk occurred, I swear that car moved sideways a good two feet. I thought for sure it was going to slide all the way across the driveway and tumble straight down the adjacent hill. Noises of terror, followed by foul language (yes, me. really) poured out of my mouth. Did I mention that this was a BMW? A large one? Dark, and presumably impossible to miss sitting on any driveway. It would have filled my entire rearview mirror, had I thought to even *glance* in my rearview mirror. Did I mention that I was brand new & still had dealer plates?

    “OMG!” does not even begin to cover the situation.

    “Hi Honey. How was the game? They lost? Oh, very too bad. So, you guys aren’t in a really great mood? Uhm, well…I have some really exciting news! Yep, this will cheer you right up!! Ernie’s car didn’t roll all the way down the hill after all…”

  4. The car is not that bad! I have to get the door out of the trunk to see the dents. We are going to get the As Seen On TV walk through screen door to cover the door but with the rain I don’t think it will work! Just kidding. The car is fine.

  5. 1. I once backed directly into another car at the kids’ daycare. Awkward.

    2. If you felt the need to share the other fundraiser ideas, that would be great!

  6. I’m going to assume (yeah, ass/you/me, so sue me) that “Mombo” is your mom. And she just said it’s fine. Of course, she has to say that, because she’s your mom. And she loves you. And she probably feels really bad that you feel so bad. There, isn’t that better?

    If that is your mother, then I see where you got your flair for writing with wit. Thank her for that, and the car incident will be forgotten.

    I was impressed about all the really good fundraising ideas people posted in response to your last post. I’d be interested to know which, if any, you used.

    I laughed at the guy with the fade, and envy him for having hair that he can do that with. I laughed at your mysterious cobwebs, too. I can be cruel sometimes.

    Thanks for the info on when your birthmark went away. My grandson has a large birthmark on his thigh that is somewhat in the shape of Missouri and I find it interesting.

    And, thank you for the drawing. I like it.

  7. Catching up so… Happy B Day Meredith and Harper and Happy B Day to you! Good luck with your fundraisers, too!

  8. I wish all of my birthmarks would fade.

    And I would faint if I had a spider on me.

    You sure charges won’t be pressed? ;)

  9. Oh great. Now my head feels all tingly like there’s a spider crawling on it.

    (PS: Sorry about your mom’s car, and that photo made me LOL over here in my grayest of gray cubicles.)

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