Wear cocksure shoes until the drugs kick in.

The girls’ pediatrician retired in July and then my primary care guy left the practice and then I found a new pediatrician for the girls and then my primary care guy’s office caught on FIRE but I was somehow able to squeak in an appointment with one of his partners, and I love her.

Dr. W: I see you have one sister with thyroid issues and one sister who dealt with endometriosis and one sister who has no health issues at all.

Me: That’s all wrong. I have only one sister.

Dr. W: I can fix it in the computer, unless you want the record to show that you have three sisters. I know I’ve always wanted more sisters.

Later in the appointment we talked about headaches and anxiety, and if you sit down with me for any length of time you’ll learn that headaches and anxiety are two things I can buzz about endlessly. (I can also buzz about seeing both The Commodores and The Beach Boys during the summer of 1981. A woman once accidentally put her cigarette out on my leg during a Helen Reddy show as Helen was singing “Candle on the Water.” I won a national contest for which I designed an eco-friendly Pringles can. I used to have a birthmark on my leg that looked exactly like Africa.)

Dr. W: I think the anxiety is causing the tension that’s leading to your headaches. I’d like you to take an SSRI.

Me: Nope. I don’t want to take pills that make me feel hazy.

Dr. W: Okay. What are you doing right now to control your anxiety and headaches?

Me: Um, essential oils and mind games and magnesium and prayer and avoiding crowds and singing along to Air Supply tunes.

I’ve now been on Celexa for eleven days, and the first seven days were REALLY CRAPPY with haziness and stomach stuff and me thinking entirely too hard about how my BRAIN is being MANIPULATED with a DRUG. But. BUT. I haven’t had even a touch of a headache in three days, and that is worthy of a burrito parade.

The doctor said that it will take four to six weeks to see if the medication is a good fit for me, but because I’m often a fast learner I decided to take my new little buddy Celexa for a test drive last week at a lakeside food truck event.

The parking lot was so full that we had to park in the grass. Normally, this would put me on edge, which is exactly what it did. As we approached the food trucks, I noticed that each truck had a line at least twenty people deep. Normally, this would rattle me, and that’s exactly what happened. Luckily, Jeff knows that I handle myself best when I have some sort of assignment.

Jeff: Why don’t you grab burritos for us, I’ll grab ravioli for Meredith, and we can meet at the hot dog truck for Harper?

Twenty minutes later, the four of us were standing in line at the hot dog truck. As Jeff took the first bite of his burrito, the woman in front of him lit a cigarette and blew smoke all over him. This is the sort of thing that makes me want to eat my own hair and the only way to settle down is to put every bit of my concentration into creating a list of How This Event Could Be Better For Me.

Me: I would really love it if it was maybe twenty degrees cooler. Lightly snowing, even. Or just haystacks and pumpkins. Less halters, more hoodies. That would be good. More dogs, less people. Less flying bugs. Less Meghan Trainor, more something quieter. And it would be dark. And there would be a pit of fire. I need a chai wagon.

I’m still waiting for the Celexa to work all of its magic. Until that happens, I’ll be wandering the streets in these, because I think that’s what Amélie would do.

Untitled ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

18 thoughts on “Wear cocksure shoes until the drugs kick in.”

  1. Bring your chai wagon on down about 12 houses or so and we’ll celebrate cool weather together with a fire pit. Deal?

  2. FIRST! To share unsolicited medical advice!

    I’ve been on Paxil for anxiety for a couple of years and it doesn’t make me feel fuggy headed at all. And it’s made a lot of my worry go away about silly things like “maybe I shouldn’t go because I don’t know where I’m supposed to park when I get there.”

  3. Celexa is my friend, mama’s happy pills. No haze. Just the ability to exist in public when I need!

  4. Don’t worry about how the Celexa is manipulating you. I had the same concerns while I was on it for years, and now that I am off it, I can say I have the same brain and personality on or off Celexa.

  5. I’m on Wellbutrin and I notice no difference. The only difference I’ve noticed is that when I don’t take it, I kind of hate everyone for stressing me out so much. So, it sort of makes me feel more like myself, because I don’t think my normal self is as screamy as it seems to be when I don’t take it. :)

    Also, need more info on those shoes. I want some.

  6. THIS: And it’s made a lot of my worry go away about silly things like “maybe I shouldn’t go because I don’t know where I’m supposed to park when I get there.”

    It’s me. And I never would have called it anxiety. More introvert. But reading you, Angela, makes me open my eyes a bit wider and look inside myself. Like I can’t keep blaming everything on being an introvert.

  7. Right, LH! I never realized I was anxious until my therapist suggested I was and wrote me that prescription for Paxil. I thought I was just anti-social. I only realized I had anxiety issues when I DIDN’T anymore! :D

  8. Award-worthy use of the word “cocksure.” Thank you for sharing, am looking forward to hearing your take on Celexa. xo

  9. “Less halters, more hoodies. That would be good. More dogs, less people.” That about sums it up. And I’d like a pair of those shoes, please. Do they come in red?

  10. We celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary on Monday, and I’m wondering if my husband ‘knows that I handle myself best when I have some sort of assignment.’ Not that I do necessarily, but if I have something like that, does he even know? Can I ask him? He doesn’t get social anxiety. I’m not even sure he knows I have it. Should we be in counseling? Is he a total stranger? Is our relationship doomed? Should I start taking Celexa? Gah. Somebody get me some cute shoes STAT!

  11. A story!

    The Main Squeeze had some serious anxiety that would pop up at random times. One night, we were getting ready to host a dinner that was her idea and she reported, ‘I’m having a hard time with this and I’m not sure I can go through with the dinner.’ I handed her the recipe for the dessert we were going to make and said, ‘Concentrate on making this. Focus. One thing at a time.’. Three hours later, everyone successfully fed and watered, it was as if anxiety was a distant memory.

    Moral: Jeff knows things. Also, always keep a recipe for dessert handy just in case you start to worry. Also also, carry a super-soaker for use on oblivious smokers. It will help fix a problem AND teach a lesson.

  12. I felt like I was reading about myself with social situations. It’s amazing this big step you have taken. Kudos to you. I hope I am brave enough one day.

Comments are closed.