When I hear about a random pig sighting, I have no idea how to feel.

I know I’m sort of a bad American. I’m not sure I’ve EVER been a GOOD American, really. I mean, I’ve done the research and voted in every single presidential election since 1988, but I don’t sing the National Anthem just like I don’t sing the theme song from Happy Days. (I will and do sing Air Supply songs. Air Supply. Australian?) I didn’t call the police when someone left a bag of dog poop in our front yard, but I DID call the police when someone stabbed John Green. I feed my dogs fish-based food because of Henry’s allergies, but I don’t personally eat fish. (Or chicken or cow or kangaroo. (Remind me to tell you the story of the kangaroo.) No buffalo. No on goat and lamb. I’m all over cauliflower.) I think I just veered into the wrong lane.

I’m not a fan of the man who was elected president, but I’m also not really a fan of fast food pasta. I’ve eaten goopy nachos at baseball games, but I prefer to eat the Lebanese nachos by the tattoo shop in the city. When someone says “God bless the USA” I tend to end it in my head with “…but not JUST the USA.” When I watch figure skating during the Olympics, I cheer for the people whose outfits I like the most—even if they need a translator to get through an interview with Lester Holt.

When I hear people saying the pledge of allegiance, I try not to roll my eyes at the part about “indivisible with liberty and justice for all.” (I know. Read the first sentence of the first paragraph. I’m not keeping any secrets over here.)

Tempe mentioned that she would like to write out the Constitution by hand, and I think that’s such a fine idea because What a Great Way to Visit It Again.

Meredith wore this shirt to school last week, and some guy called her on it and then spent the entire class period making snide remarks to his friends.

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I made this shirt yesterday morning, and I know it’s not designed well and I also know a shirt doesn’t really change the fact that sometimes kids go to school worrying about a math test when they should probably be worried about being shot in the face.

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I’m reading three books right now, and tomorrow I’m going to return them all (unfinished) to the library and pick up Lincoln in the Bardo in hardback and CD. I’m not reading/listening to it because of the American president reference. I’m reading/listening to it because it has ghosts and David Sedaris is one of the narrators and he’s no Ari Fliakos, but I still love him. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

15 thoughts on “When I hear about a random pig sighting, I have no idea how to feel.”

  1. You just keep being you. Just for clarification isn’t grass a sorta veggie and since cows eat grass can’t they be considered a veggie seeing as they derived from veggies.

  2. GO MEREDITH! Man, if I had been her buddy in that class, I would have snapped a pic of the last two lines of her shirt and texted them to that DB and then been like — ??? … ??? He probably wouldn’t have gotten it, but she and I would have had a laugh. Anyway, GO MEREDITH and GO YOU!

    I can’t wait to hear what you think of Lincoln In the Bardo – it’s nearing the top of my list. I just finished The Mothers and it was stellar – if you haven’t read, you need to read. xoxo

  3. I think some folks – like me – who sometimes consider themselves a “bad American” for many of the reasons you list above (and additional ones) are doing so *because they’re remembering that they don’t just live in America,* but also on an entire *planet,” along with almost eight million other human beings. All ~eight million of us are literally – literally – in this together. Fake borders and great expanses of water won’t ever, ever change the fact that we all live on this eartg *together,* so we must find a way to make it work for everyone.

  4. I get the whole not a great American thing. We bailed and moved to Mexico. In the 4 months we’ve been here, I’ve effortlessly lost 16 of the 28 post-election weight that I gained stress eating. Life has been unbelievably stressful the past 6 months, but the whole vibe and aura here is SO much less stressful. I can’t wait to see you in April!!

  5. Jen – if you read this: whereabouts in Mexico did you move? Was it an “easy” transition? This man is crazy; my anxiety is through the roof.

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