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Warning: Potentially disturbing photo ahead! We can still be friends, though. We can be whatever we want to be.

May 13th, 2018 · 7 Comments · Daily

Yesterday was spent celebrating my birth, and today was spent celebrating the fact that I have two teenagers in the house who call me Mom, and four animals who think of me as their mom. (At least I think that’s what they think.) Know this: I really don’t believe you have to actually give birth to be a mom. In fact, some folks believe that *I* didn’t actually give birth because the girls never slid out of my vagina.

Evidence: Please (once again) enjoy this photo of Harper being pulled from my insides! While the photo was being taken, I was chilling out on my back eating Funyuns and wondering if I would be cleaned up and returned to my room in time for Jeopardy. (I was! Fun Fact: The Final Jeopardy question had something to do with the Black Hole of Calcutta!)

First Glimpse of Harper

47 was a good year for me. I didn’t have quite enough work, but I put in a lot of volunteer hours. My colon stopped working properly, but it’s now pretty much on the mend. Although they look like something my grandma might have worn, I bought yellow shoes. A few friends gave up on me, but I made some new friends who fall under the umbrella of Band Parents Who Aren’t Afraid to Eat a Nacho or Drink a Beer. I helped a few dogs find their way back to their owners. I engaged in some friendly civil disobedience. I took a writing course. I stopped growing my hair out and will never again grow my hair out because growing my hair out is such bullshit. I started practicing the piano again.

I became a tiny bit more fearless.

I added a knocker to my collection of knockers.



7 responses so far ↓

  • 1 MJ // May 14, 2018 at 11:32 am


  • 2 Crazy Mom! // May 14, 2018 at 1:44 pm

    Happy day! And many happy more!

  • 3 Zoot // May 14, 2018 at 2:53 pm

    I love this wrap-up. Also? This has been the year I’ve returned dogs to owners too! I had never done that before this neighborhood we moved into and I’ve done it SEVEN TIMES now! And twice with the same dog!

    (Ruby is a fat and lovely mut and I’ll return her 100 more times just to enjoy a few moments with her.)

  • 4 Nichole // May 15, 2018 at 11:59 am

    Happy birthday, and thank you for sharing your stories and your knockers. One of the most pleasant afternoons I’ve had all year was running errands with a sweet lost dog, waiting for her owner to call me back.

  • 5 Effie // May 16, 2018 at 4:55 am

    sounds like a fulfilling year…I have to admit that while I was reading it, and I read “I added to my Knocker collection”, I wasn’t sure what you were referring to and I was *almost* scared to scroll down–nice Knockers! ;)

  • 6 Pharmgirl // May 16, 2018 at 7:22 pm

    Happy Natal Day!
    And is it wrong to think of Young Frankenstein when I see knockers?

    “What Knockers!
    Why Zank you, Doctor!”

  • 7 Erica // May 22, 2018 at 10:20 pm

    Keep doing what you are doing, please.