Fluid Pudding

To those of you who really don’t get this yarn thing, come back early next week, where I will talk about how I stood less than 50 feet away from Bruce Springsteen and how he has rocketed to the top of my Do Boy List. Actually, I should probably rework that entire list. Seriously? If John Krasinski landed in the same room as me, I really don’t think he would feel even the slightest urge to make out. It’s time to be a bit more sober, don’t you think? John Krasinski, I hereby release you.

While I’m jumping around, let me take a moment to tell you that I’m really digging crumpets lately. Who would have thought?

Okay. Last Friday we picked Tempe up at 4:30 in the morning. (We picked coffee up at 4:15 in the morning. I love you, you stinking 24-hour Starbucks, you!)

After finding our way to the convention center in Schaumburg, we parked the car, hustled in, and headed straight to The Fold to admire the Socks that Rock.

(The six hours between Leaving St. Louis and Arriving in Schaumburg were mostly uneventful. I ate an egg and cheese biscuit. So there’s that, if you’re interested.)

After The Fold, things get blurry. Let’s see. If you want to see the yarn I purchased and what each skein will eventually become, you can head over here.

Oh! Do you remember that episode of Dawson’s Creek where the kids were heading out to a rave and they had to go get an egg before they were given directions to the barn where the rave was to be held and Dawson was questioning the whole egg thing and Pacey said something like, “Don’t ask questions. We just need to find an egg!” and Joey got really wasted and now that I’m typing this really long sentence I’m wondering if this episode ever aired. Am I making this up?! Anyway. During our second pass of The Fold, the fabulous Knitting Hawkeye yelled, “Hey! Fluid!” (I’m really NOT making that up!) She then told me to go to a certain booth and grab a pin. THEN, head to the Malabrigo booth. The pin will serve as a tip-off, and if you play your cards right you will be handed some back-alley sock yarn that has not yet been released in the states. The three of us earned our pins and headed to the booth where we were given two skeins of the yarn. Three people living in three separate houses were told to share two skeins of yarn. Ah, well. At least we had what I believe was a Dawson’s Creek adventure. But maybe it wasn’t.

Long Story Shortened: We each purchased all of the yarn that we needed and headed out into rush hour traffic. We met some really nice knitters. We wore our shawls. And the day? It was good. And on the way home Tempe received a shocking telephone call that put Everything into perspective. The yarn? It’s not important. The two skeins for three people thing that I chose to harp on for at least an hour? Not important. (I really need to dump out that big pot of Grudge that’s been simmering in my head for so long. I’m constantly adding to it. Such a waste of time. Grudges? Go hang out with John Krasinski! You are released!) What’s important is the time spent with the people you hold dear. And you might think that’s hokey, but believe me: It’s So True.

Me: Well, each box is filled with M&Ms. But I’ve packed them with weird bubble wrap stuff. I just need to send them all as inexpensively as possible.

Post Office Guy: Do you want insurance or confirmation of delivery?

Me: Nope.

Post Office Guy: You don’t care if they get there, do you? You didn’t even put a return address on these boxes!

Me: I sort of want them to GET there, but if they don’t, I definitely don’t want them back. I really can’t be trusted with M&Ms in the house.

Post Office Guy (using his Sly Hopping Eyebrow): So you’re kind of Whatever about the delivery, and you don’t want them back, right?

Me (proving that my eyebrow can jump higher than his): Truer words have never been spoken, Mr. Postman.

Post Office Guy: Thank you for the M&Ms.

Me: Enjoy them. I liked the raspberry ones the best.

Post Office Guy: You know, when you leave this building, I’m going on an M&M break.

Me: If you have to suffer a break, I hear an M&M break is the best kind.

Me: Actually, I’ve been here on and off for the past five years.

Receptionist (scanning my bar code): Oh, yes! I see you haven’t been here for nine months! What have you been up to?

Me: I had a baby?

Receptionist: Ooh! Really?

Me: Nope. But it sounds better than, “I received a big stupid box of M&Ms, and someone needs to step in.”

Receptionist: We’re running a sale on 2-point bars!

So I bought a few boxes of 2-point bars, and I headed into the meeting, where the topic was Interim Successes.
The gist: If you spend all of your time stressing about your final goal, you’ll miss out on celebrating each tiny success! And each tiny success will carry you onward through the journey to the final goal! So focus on the tiny successes, and eventually you’ll be able to say something like “Eureka! I’ve reached my final goal! ‘Tis a gift to be simple!” (I tend to poke fun. I’m ridiculous.)

Anyway, the most curious thing happened right at the end of the meeting.

Weight Watchers Leader (WWL): So, we all have big goals. And we also have busy lives. Tell me, what keeps all of you coming to these meetings every week? What keeps you on track?

Someone named Karen: I know that journaling keeps me on track.

WWL: Excellent. Yes. Jennifer?

Jennifer: Snakes in my garage.

Me: What?

WWL: Yes! Actually, I think that sums it up perfectly. THAT is the secret to keeping up with Weight Watchers! Okay then! Keep that in mind, and I’ll see less of you next week!

So, after putting it off for nearly two years, I think it’s time to have my hearing checked. I’ve noticed that I spend a lot of time cocking my right ear toward whomever is speaking. (Side note: I’m only 43% sure Whomever is correct in that sentence. Also, when I see Whomever in writing, I mentally pronounce it as wah-mehver.) My father wears hearing aids. I’ve reached the point where talking on the phone is sometimes difficult. Argh.