I’m not a fan of the summer. I know you probably are, but I’m most definitely not, and I’m sorry if that means that we can’t be friends. I prefer cold to hot. I prefer chai lattes to fresh lemonade. I hate going to the pool and sweating and having to deal with wearing things [...]

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More than 30 hours have passed since my cyst was removed, and I’m pleased to report that the excision was dreamy, and that I’m currently walking around with an ice pack in my pants because when the numbing shots wore off, my hip began to burn like a Blister in the Sun. (You’re welcome, Children [...]

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As you know, right now I look a little bit like this: The next time you see me? I’ll look a bit more like this: It’s hip surgery day at Fluid Pudding, during which I’ll be driving to the hospital, receiving lots of numbing shots in my hip, and having a cyst sliced off! And [...]

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I’ve often joked around about how you really need to know yourself before you can choose a ring tone or commit to wearing a pair of jeans with the word “skinny” on the tag. (I still don’t know myself well enough to go outside of the AT&T suggested ring tone box. This sad phone of [...]

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Last year at this time, my parents presented me with a Disneyland Floribunda Rose Bush. A few days later, I decided to get all floricultural and replant the little bush in front of our house. Within seconds (give or take about a week), all of the roses and leaves fell off of the plant. I [...]

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Today is the annual Field Day at the girls’ school. Because Jeff is The Athletic Parent and I am The Couch Parent, he took a vacation day to spend seven hours playing outdoor games with the kids. Sadly, yesterday he came home sick with a terrible stomachache and a fever. Because he has an assigned [...]

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Last night, as I tucked her into bed, Harper said, “I don’t want you to die before I’m 16.” Me: I’m with you. The good news? I probably won’t! Harper: Will you die before I’m 40? Me: I certainly hope not! Harper: I don’t want you to die. She then began to cry. And cry. [...]

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A few days back, we took the puppy to her first session of obedience school. We were instructed to bring three things to class: immunization records, a leash, and treats. One puppy owner didn’t bring any of those items. That particular owner (Shall we call her Eileen? Let’s do!) sat on a stool and watched [...]

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As you may (or may not) know, I haven’t eaten meat in ten and a half months. I didn’t give up meat for ethical reasons (although I tend to be drawn to the people who do), and I didn’t give it up for health reasons (although I tend to feel 93% better when I’m not [...]

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Do you remember when I told you that I was holding on to a pair of socks because they smelled like Beezus? Scout managed to find those socks a few days back and she killed them. (She is forgiven.) Question: Why did three attorneys who specialize in divorce decide to follow my Twitter feed on [...]

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