Do you have five minutes?

I really hate when people use the word Whirlwind to describe how their week has gone. With that said, the past week has been mighty sprightful. Today is Meredith’s kindergarten Valentine’s Day party, and because I’m still suffering from that whole No One Will Call Me Back thing, Jeff is having to take time off of work to help me with the party. (Big sarcastic and passive-aggressive Thank You shout out to all of those moms who filled out the forms saying they would love to attend all parties and provide party favors and “Just call me! I’ll be there!” and whatnot.) I could go on and on about courtesy and whatever, but I’m afraid I would once again start puking tired phrases like “dying art” and yikes. I’m really trying to be better than that.

Because I’m feeling overly ambitious, today’s party will include a banana split bar. I used to work at Baskin-Robbins, you see, and one of my greatest talents is The Ability to Cut a Banana Without Actually Touching the Edible Part. Someday I’ll make a video for you, and I’ll even dress up for that video, because when I’m slicing and dividing bananas, I feel like one of those tuxedoed and amazing card dealers on Super Poker Blowout. (That’s not an actual show. But you get the idea.) I hope to stun and mesmerize-to-the-point-of-temporary-debilitation the kindergarteners with my banana-slicing talent. Keep your fingers crossed.

You would not believe how quickly I’m typing right now. It’s just that I feel like I haven’t talked to you in ages, and pretty soon I have to leave to pick up Harper, and how are you? I’ve missed you.

Speaking of Harper, yesterday she ate a heart-shaped sucker, and I melted all over her, and after I resolidified I took a photograph and then I did that annoying thing where I pretend to be an artist just because I shelled out the yearly Picnik fee on Flickr last summer.

Happy Valentine's Day

Let’s see. What else? Last week my family was presented with something that I would normally refer to as An Embarrassment of Riches, but man! I’m really trying to become original in 2009. Anyway, we are now the proud owners of Guitar Hero World Tour. In other words, this is my final blog entry, as I am now dropping everything to crystallize my dream of becoming the world’s greatest pretend drummer. Oh! What’s that? Pretend writer is more respectable than pretend drummer? I hear you, but I have no idea what you’re saying. Please know that when it comes to drumming along with 311 tunes, I’m completely insufferable. However, by the end of the tune, my face hurts from smiling so much. This is a good thing.

My knitting group is meeting for dinner before knitting tonight, and I can’t even tell you how excited I am.

Tomorrow is the eighth anniversary of Jeff’s proposal. And I know you don’t care, but it’s honestly one of my favorite days of the year. (My archives are out. Please know that the evening of the proposal included a dishonest death-defiance, me angrily hurling couscous down the sink, a down-on-the-knee thing over tiramisu, and a woman sending us a sort of crappy (but much appreciated) bottle of wine.)

I hope you’re doing well out there. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

14 thoughts on “Do you have five minutes?”

  1. I really need lessons on that black and white picture with color thing…such an adorable picture.

    As the slackiest, slacker of a mom, I always provided the stuff I was asked to, even if it had to be store bought so I could get it there on time. So I am appalled for you, and banana split bar? YUM.

  2. I also am a B-R alum and can also no-touch slice the banana! I’m glad someone else shares my pride. Now I want a Banana Royale. Dangit.

  3. I totally forgot that you had worked at BR!
    I hear you on the mom/party thing. Our moms are pretty decent at our school, but being room mother for one year was quite enough for me, thankyouverymuch. Done my tour. I’m good for the rest of their elementary career. I think you’re good for the rest of theirs (and probably Junior High too).

  4. I was, albeit quietly, competing with you. I did, in fact, have 5 minutes to spare but I wanted to read it in 4.2.

    I did it. Keep typing fast, FP. I will keep reading fast.

    (and also keep adoring fast. or quickly. but let’s not quibble over my failed use of the adverb, ok?)

  5. Man, 311 is A-OK. I used to listen to them all the time. Now that I’m old, I’m contractually obligated not to listen to them. I actually have to tell other people who are listening to them to ‘TURN THAT CRAP DOWN!’

    Jeff proposed despite your ruining the couscous? Well. That’s love.

  6. I will fight you tooth and nail for the title of world’s greatest pretend drummer. 543-note streak on “My Own Worst Enemy.” Just sayin’.

  7. Whirlwind. Worth reading every bit. As for Guitar Hero World Tour, I am now the official singer of our little band. The Partridges have nothing on us. And that picture? Love it. Love picnik because, unlike you, I have no talent. Photography or singing.

  8. Guitar Hero World Tour pretty much means we’ll never talk again. Because I have it, too, and so we’re both under it’s thrall. 3 months, and we’ll be back to normal.

  9. I worked at B-R, too! And I can cut a banana without touching the edible part too! I can also make a perfect soft-serve cone (we had fro-yo when I worked there)! Lost art!

  10. So…how did the party go? Did any other moms show up or send stuff?

    I got two moms (who normally show up anyway) who came help and a buttload of candy (no chocolate, though).

  11. I, too, am a Baskin-Robbins alum with hygenic banana-slicing skills! (I can also make cream soda from scratch and decorate a scoop of ice cream to look like Cookie Monster.) I’m pretty sure we now need to start our own social network, and maybe propose some sort of “birds of a feather” thing at BlogHer so we can get to the bottom of why it’s so hard to find Daquiri Ice anymore.

  12. Oh, the Daiquiri Ice and the Margarita Ice! And the “light” stuff like Raspberry Cheese Louise! I can also make a chocolate soda, thanks to a sweet older man who came in during a slow afternoon and walked me through it.

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