Miss Crazy in Prison with the Makeup

I stopped by the Crazy Lady Starbucks last night on my way to work. While there, I asked if they experienced any sort of customer disturbance on Saturday morning at 9:45ish. And they had! Apparently, the woman who yelled at me in the parking lot entered Starbucks and started acting all crazy and screaming out her drink order. The manager wanted to avoid a scene, so she escorted Miss Crazy (I know, that’s mean. But I refuse to keep calling her “the woman”. Wait. Let’s call her Beyoncé just to add some sparkle to the story.), I mean, the manager escorted Beyoncé to the head of the line where Beyoncé continued to yell out inappropriate things to the employees and the other customers.

After getting her coffee, Beyoncé sat in a corner and talked to herself for nearly an hour. And here’s the part of the story that haunts me: She didn’t bring her child into Starbucks with her. In other words, I really should have hung out a bit longer, because Beyoncé left her child in a car seat in a van in a parking lot (in St. Charles, in Missouri, in the United States, in North America, continue to pan out, etc.) for an hour while she sat inside muttering battys and whatnots. Hhhhhhhh.

Funniest Thing The Starbucks Guy Said to Me: Yeah, thanks for waiting four days to check in on us. If she had been swinging a knife, we would still be bleeding while you were “out there” doing your ugly hair thing!

Insert seamless segue right here, would you?

So, I’ve got this fresh thing under my arm (you WANT me to spare the details.), but I can’t go see my dermatologist BECAUSE HE IS IN PRISON. (So, I’m going to see my gynecologist instead. Monday morning. 8:15. Don’t worry.) By the way, did I mention that my dermatologist is in PRISON? I do hope they crown him Dermatologist Amongst the Prisoners, because he did cure the ugly batch of eczema on my hand (Remember when I had to wear the gloves? Yeesh.), and I’m a firm believer in requiring dermatologist prisoners to palliate the perplexing pustules of their prisoner peers. (I know. I’m making light. And the reason he is in prison is so completely horrible. Unforgivable, really.)

Another segue here! You’re getting good at this!

I’m giving away a hefty amount of Max Factor stuff over here. And even if you’re not into scoring makeup, you should at least jump over and witness the disaster that is me after applying 39 years worth of makeup in one sitting. (My mom doesn’t have any photographs of me playing with makeup as a child. Now she does. You know, minus that whole Child thing.) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

21 thoughts on “Miss Crazy in Prison with the Makeup”

  1. OMG FP! Then I could have read about a mother leaving her child in the car just like a read about your dermatologist in the Post Dispatch. Please don’t tell me you are un-cosmically connected to any more news stories because I just couldn’t handle it. I hope your super chic haircut is doing well and the Starbucks employees are recovering!

    Also, I didn’t comment, but Lovely dress on your daughter yesterday.

  2. I don’t know which part of this post is more exciting/funny/crazy/scary!! I’m so glad for some closure/explanation on the crazy lady. And i’m so so so curious about the dermatologist…

  3. DARN YOU! you have left me BURNING with curiosity!

    what WAS the deal with that woman?

    WHY is your dermatologist in prison?

    THESE ARE QUESTIONS THAT WILL HAUNT MY WEEKEND!

  4. God I hope that child is okay. I’m glad the Starbuckers weren’t bleeding for four days. WHY is your dermatologist in prison?

  5. OMG, YOUR DERMATOLOGIST IS DOCTOR ZIT? At trivia night Wednesday, I asked the following question: “Doctor Whatever, who is under investigation for sodomizing two girls, is also known as Doctor what?” There were some awesome answers.

  6. That lady has some real mental problems.

    I used to have nightmares about forgetting my kids and leaving them in the car. That just gives me a sick feeling for that poor child.

  7. Is this sodomizer a Dr. at Barnes West named Dr. Schien_______? Because I went to see him once and he was an utter dick.

    While I live in St. Chuck, I want it made clear I was not Beyonce. I love your hair.

  8. Tough times when we have to discern crazy from rude.

    They’re reporting that Dr. Derm kept his activities separate from his profession. Want to bet that headline changes?

    I’m off to hug my son.

  9. Merciful heavens! Crazy Lady and Dr. A. ? Who knew you lived in such an exciting berg? Now I want to know if you feel any better now that you know she hurled abuse at anyone within earshot, or do you feel a little less special? If it were me, I’d be a little disappointed that the crazy was not just for me.

  10. Wow. This was a lot to take in for one post! Don’t get me wrong, loved every minute of it…but still. Craziness! (Not you…you’re not crazy.)

  11. Your dermatologist is in prison! Not be a topper and all, but my OB went to prison when I was 30 weeks pregnant. For molesting his 6 year old step daughter. Crazy world (with crazy people in it, apparently).

  12. WTF is up with dermatologists? Ours was pulled over in a routine traffic stop and was discovered to be “transporting cocaine with the intent to distribute”. But officer, I was just doing a favor for a friend. Yikes! We live in Wisconsin, BTW.

  13. That poor kid. I don’t understand why no one called the police when they saw she was alone in the car?

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