It smells like an endometrium under my arms!

Because I’m nothing if not a scientist, I’ve been experimenting with deodorant lately.

  • Hypothesis: Anti perspirants make me itch.
  • Experiment: Apply Mitchum anti perspirant under arms.
  • Results: Ow! Ow! Itchy! Hand me the Golden Grahams! I’m going to kill someone!
  • Analyze Results: Itchy? Yes. The hypothesis is true.
  • Report Results: Hey, you guys? Anti perspirant makes me itch.

I’ve found that the only deodorant that doesn’t make me itch is Tom’s. A few days back I ran out of the lavender scent, so I headed to the store. They, too, had run out of lavender, so I settled for Calendula. When I got home, Harper demanded that I let her smell the Calendula.

Harper: What is this?

Me: It’s Caligula. No! Wait. Calendula.

Harper: Meredith, smell this. It’s Mommy’s uvula.

Me: Calendula! HA HA HA HA!

Me (six hours later, telling Jeff the whole story, because that’s what I do): And then, and then, and then Harper told Meredith to come over and smell my uterus! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Jeff: I don’t get it.

Me: Wait! Uvula.

Jeff: Huh?

Me: Yeah. Anyway. Um, Ramona sneezed today. And on a lighter note, I folded towels. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

23 thoughts on “It smells like an endometrium under my arms!”

  1. I’m so glad you’re back! I’ve been getting some random site for days now, and here you are. Happy sigh.

    And really, try to avoid the kids sniffing you. :-)

  2. Thank goodness your armpits aren’t itchy any longer and they don’t really smell like endometrium.

    You do have a gynecological theme going lately.

    When was the last time you used a turkey baster anyway?

  3. It took me a couple of times reading this for my brain to process “uvula” and not “vulva”. Too many gynecological items on the brain!

  4. My dad has a lot of skin sensitivities, and he simply mixes baking soda with talc, and applies it with a puff (well – he probably wouldn’t call it a puff, but I do). It works! He doesn’t stink, and he doesn’t itch. Of course, he still perspires – it’s a deodorant, not an antiperspirant -but in my experience, even the best antiperspirants will allow you to perspire at some point.

  5. Okay. Now that comment was all effed-up. I’m obviously having difficulty typing whilst folding towels. What I meant to type was:

    I definitely fold towels more than have my kids shout to smell my uvula.

    Whew! One-armed typing is tough!

  6. i like tom’s deodorant too, i use the lavander spray kind. my very favorite kind is weleda (citrus). good for you for smearing natural products under your arms. your girls will never say: mommy smells like aluminum!

  7. Tiffany bought me some cologne called Nomad from Crabtree & Evelyn and on the bottle is printed, “By appointment to HRH The Prince of Wales Suppliers of fine Toiletries” The moral of this story? David=smells like Prince Charles!

  8. I just love that you always seem to make me laugh. :) That is all.

    Well, that and I wish you nothing but itch-free pits!

  9. first time reader. Love. it. still laughing at the “about me” list. priceless. please post a pic of your georgia o’keefe hands tattoo.
    you are a nut and i think i’m in love with you. except that you smell like lady parts. ew.
    i’ll be back.

  10. My husband uses Tom’s toothpaste because he’s allergic to something in normal people’s toothpaste. That Tom. He’s a clever dude. Makin’ products for all the allergy challenged folks out there…

  11. My daughter has a very weird obsession with deoderant and always calls it The Rodeo. She would have fit into your conversation quite nicely I believe.

  12. I had the same issue with itchy underarms but I’ve found the clinical strength stuff doesn’t bother me like the regular stuff does. Weird.

  13. This morning, my son demanded a flashlight after brushing his teeth, and then started shouting from the bathroom, “MOM! I CAN SEE MY NEBULA!”

    :)

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