Last week I took the girls to my folks’ house to spend the day with my twelve-year-old nephew who was in town for the week. Justin, my nephew, is one of those kids who can pick up a video game he has never played before and pwn it. (Suddenly, instead of actually gaining worldly-wise points by using “pwn” I believe I’ve just morphed into your dead Aunt Gladys who used to smile through gloppy smeared lipstick and ask, “So, are you sweet on anyone? Hhmmm???”) Anyway, the game of the day was Mario Kart for the Wii, and before I could throw my keys onto the couch, I was challenged to a race. And although only two of us were racing, I actually came in sixth. (I’m still not completely clear on how that happened.)
MC: Mommy, sometimes I think you were born to lose.
Later that afternoon as I lost my balance and fell down while trying to rotate the lazy susan, I was once again told that I was born to lose. A few hours later, when I asked the girls to put their shoes on because it was time to go to the bathroom (I meant time to go home. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if you could actually feel parts of your brain infarct. I’m imagining it’s not unlike Pop Rocks just inside the back of your skull.), it came up again. “You really WERE born to lose! Ha Ha HA HA HA HA!!!” And even at 39, when you’re told over and over (and over) again that you were born to lose, well, it begins to affect your mood. Maybe they’re right. No, they’re not right. Maybe they are. No. Maybe.
Later that evening, Jeff took the girls to the YMCA to swim, and I drove to the nearest bookstore to pick up a copy of Infinite Jest. Yes. I am one of the many who have ambitious plans to participate in Infinite Summer, and although many may believe I was born to lose, this is something for which I am fully determined to pass muster. (I recently learned that it’s Muster and not Mustard. Apparently, you can cut the mustard, but you must pass muster. Four synapses just began firing again, and it feels like butter melting behind my ears.)
As soon as I can figure out how, I’m going to add some sort of progress update to my sidebar (below the ad thing, of course, because I’m wearing a XXL “Plays by the Rules” jacket) so I feel a pinch of accountability. Please feel free to update me on your progress, as well. Even if your progress has nothing to do with anything I’ve mentioned to you today.
Speaking of improvisational dancing, my final Sports Active update is up. If you go here and then click on the line of text right above the photo, you’ll be directed to a super secret location where you may cast a voyeuristic peeper upon me in a skirted swimsuit. This is a once in a lifetime experience, internet friends. Born to lose, indeed. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>
“pwn”? And here I thought it was just a typo. Who knew? You did, Angela, in all your hip, edgy, winning ways.
Infinite Jest sounds sort of like a modern day Ulysses. Not in story, necessarily, but in wordiness and sentence structure (or lack thereof). One has to feel like a winner when they can use “thereof” in a sentence. I’m sure you are more than capable. Born to lose? Not in my book. Good luck with that book! Keep us posted.
I didn’t know about Infinite Summer and I just started the wrong DFW book, Consider the Lobster. I’ll get through Lobster fast so I can move onto Jest.
You were born to lose…inches! From your waist! (OK, I tried.) Anyhoo, congratulations on looking great in your suit.
“when I asked the girls to put their shoes on because it was time to go to the bathroom”
I do this all the time, using the wrong word. Plus I can no longer distinguish between things that actually happened and things I dreamt about.
I use wrong words all the time, it’s probably a sign that my mind is going to leave my altogether by the time I’m 35.
My husband pwns me at video games all the time, and yet I keep trying. We have Mario Kart and on the hardest level (the one where you’re driving in space), I drive off the track about 137 times in 3 laps.
You look awesome! I never heard of pwn either.
Although I love the book, I’ve decided to spend the summer zipping through the pile ‘o unread books that are neatly stacked in a skyscraper next to my bed, constantly threatening to tumble and kill me. I love that people are reading Infinite Jest. It’s one of those books that you really want other people to experience, but you realize that when you offer to let them borrow your copy then show up with what appears to be a weighty hardback weapon, they’ll usually plead illiteracy in order to get out of it. This has been cured nicely with the summer thing, as quitting will now result in horrible public shame. It’s genius.
I was loser on occasion, but more often it was stupid that I got from my little man child. He’s 23 now and he ended up being an exceptional teenager who never gave me a days trouble… (after all the farting, and the fart farts and butts and so on and so on…) (He still comes over and farts, by the way. That one never seems to end.) So… although he is saying you are a loser, what he’s REALLY saying is that he loves you very much.
Two things:
1. You look awesome! Good work!
2. I am loving IJ so far, I guess maybe I haven’t gotten to the scary parts yet.
I realize that i seem like i’m copying you (what with the EA Sports Active and all) but I was just trying to find a copy of Infinite Jest (which I keep spelling incorrectly) earlier today. I wonder if my hands/wrists/arms are strong enough to read it. It looks heavy.
I’m reading Infinite Jest too. I hope I pass the dutchie. I mean mustard. I mean muster. Hey! I just realized there will be a whole subgroup at BlogHer of people doing Infinite Summer. That should be fun. And heavy. Thinking of splitting the binding on the book and breaking it into separate pieces. Would that be too radical? It was something my Shakespeare professor recommended we do with our collected works book when I was in college. I thought he was nuts but now I’m way less prissy about books and seriously considering it.
This has nothing to do with anything, but I simply must tell you because it has been on my mind forEVer.
Two or three times a week I drive past a sign that says, “Engineered Fluid, Inc.” And so, two or three times a week I drive past and I think, “Engineered Fluid Pudding, Inc.”
Ah. A weight has been lifted.
Good work on the fitness improvement, by the way. I’m sincerely impressed with your results. Fitness? From a vidyagame? Whoodathunk?
hi, new here :) i keep telling myself i’ll read it.
i really will!
Lady, I don’t think you are even close to “born to lose” because this is one of the best blog posts I have ever read.
Seriously, I’m going to go read it again.
I came up on your site because it was linked to a blogher thingy and I am so happy. I laughed so hard with this post I cried. I was trying to read the bit about the shoes for the bathroom to my husband and had to pause several times. I think it was because I was envisioning your children’s baffled faces as to why they would need footwear for this new community bathroom experience.