Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom!

On Sunday afternoon, I found myself at Starbucks ordering one of their shaken iced tea lemonades. The barista, who looks a bit like Dave Grohl, is my absolute favorite local Starbucks barista. (Wait. It’s not like I know all of them well enough to proclaim a favorite. I don’t. In fact, I rarely do the Starbucks thing anymore. I used to go every stinking day. Now? Maybe once a week. Why am I defending myself to you?) Anyway, this is the barista who yelled “Muffin Down!” when I was there a few months back. And I would link to that story, but now I can’t find it. Wait. Are you still here? Whitey Herzog!

Anyway, as I waited for my lemonade, I stood within earshot of a sixteenish-year-old girl who was trying her absolute hardest to flirt with the Dave Grohl barista. For the sake of convenience, let’s refer to the girl as Tawdry.

Tawdry: So, I was at the mall the other day and I saw a Starbucks shirt but the mermaid wasn’t in the middle. It was a photograph of Jesus and it said something like “Jesus loves you a latte.” And I was like, “How stupid is that?!” If you love Jesus, just get your ass to church and stop wearing shirts that advertise it. I don’t want to know that you’re a Jesus lover.

Barista: I’ve heard about that shirt, but I haven’t seen it.

Tawdry: Yeah, and I couldn’t even look at the other shirts because some lady was there with her screaming kid and she wouldn’t do anything about the screaming. And I was like, “Why don’t you beat his ass and make him sit on a bench until he shuts up?!” That’s what my mom used to do, and I turned out fine.

With that, Dave Grohl handed her drink over and waited until she had walked out before looking at me and declaring, “Ahhh. Fine is such a subjective term, isn’t it?”

Me: It’s a really large and confusing blanket. Also, did you hear that the shirt had a photograph of Jesus on it?

Barista: I didn’t realize they had cameras back then! I have a lot to learn. Wait. Did you want me to sweeten the lemonade?

Me: Nope. It’s fine. Slightly bitter. Just the way I like it. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

27 thoughts on “Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom!”

  1. This post epitomizes why I <3 you – lol! (Still laughing about “Whitey Herzog!” Think I’ll thrown that into dinnertime conversation tonight just for the WTF expression it’s sure to elicit from my poor husband.)

    And hey, Angela, I’m sure Jesus loves YOU a latte, too, even if you don’t wear his shirt. ;o)

  2. Thank you. I needed that story today. Those damn people at the hearing aid store left me on eternal hold. Also, I dig your utensil skirt. I like to have clothes with pictures of nonflower Stuff.

  3. I also love lattes. So does that shirt imply that I have something in common with Jesus? Because I don’t go to church, but knowing this might make my mom happy.

    Also, one day I am driving to St. Louis and buying you a latte at Dave’s store. Please.

  4. Um…I totally have a favorite barista. Well, in truth, I have to. Be serious!

    I’ve decided Starbucks is like my Cheers. Where (most) baristas know my name.

    I do believe I just overshared my addictions.

  5. so funny!!! Dave Grohl Barista sounds awesome. I don’t have a regular starbucks habit (that I will admit to), but there are a couple of baristas at the one closest to me who crack me up everytime. None of them are rockstar look-alikes though…

  6. wait! was the barista a girl that looked like dave grohl (some girls look like dudes) (wait! is dave grohl a dude? where’s google?), or is the barista a guy? i’m all confused. isn’t “barista” feminine? and “baristo” would be the term for a guy bartisa? am i asking too many questions?

  7. Love the REM ref. Was it the end of the world as you know it, or just another chapter in the barista story?

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