Vanilla Long John Love with a Side of Fiona Apple

This morning I dropped Meredith off at school, returned home with Harper, made coffee, started a load of laundry, plopped down onto the couch, and remembered that I haven’t pulled up Fluid Pudding in over a week.

Whiny Paragraph: I barely made it through the evening of Meet the Teacher last week. Argh. I’m not sure if it’s my general lack of adult interaction or the fact that I’ve always been socially awkward, but any time I spoke to someone that evening, my lip got all quivery and my eyes twitched and I’m sure I looked palsy bound. I have no idea why I get so rattled. Is this why people take Xanax? Is this why people drink wine throughout the day? Is this why some people (namely, Angela Pudding) should choose to stay home and watch crap television instead of attempting to exchange a simple round of small talk? I really thought throwing on a cute skirt would give me at least an hour of sparkling confidence. The spooky trees failed me.

In Which I Attempt to Turn my Frown Upside Down (And, I Fail!): But enough about that! School is now in session! Meredith adores first grade! Harper is in love with Pre-K! I had sushi for lunch yesterday and Gokul for dinner! On a semi-related note, I’m back on Weight Watchers and am six pounds into my fourteen pound goal. (As much as I complain about Weight Watchers, it really does work for me. You know, when I actually do it instead of simply talking about it.) Jeff’s class reunion is coming up in a few months, and I already know that the room will be filled to the brim with Lovelies, and I also already know that there’s not nearly enough time for me to get the adequate amount of therapy that will allow me to be a social butterfly that evening. SO, at least I can try to fit into one of my favorite “sit in a corner and eat toasted ravioli” dresses. Also, spunky shoes might help. Yes, I said Spunky.

Something happened last Friday that has never happened before. As a woman from the lab took a bunch of blood out of my arm, she told me that I have super cute feet. And because I generally am not a foot person and always feel awkward in sandals (Wait. I truly AM a disaster, aren’t I?!), I decided to ramble a bit too much about how the color I’m wearing is OPI’s “Over the Taupe” and that Alison Sweeney wears it on Days of Our Lives and the more I talked The More I Talked. So, yeah. Over the Taupe. I love it in the same way that I love buying a new pen and a new notebook. It’s that GOOD kind of love. Vanilla Long John Love. (Although, I tend to prefer mine unfilled.)

(I bought fresh ginger yesterday! And the kind folks on Facebook taught me how to prepare it! Balance! Can you tell that I’m scowling more than usual today?! Meredith kicked the cat last night, and I’m still not really over it. Also, Seasonique? Yeah. It failed me this week. I will not elaborate. Ginger in my bok choy tonight!)

In about three weeks I’ll be making my annual trip to Chicago to buy yarn. My goal is to buy a silk/wool blend to make a black one of these and perhaps something neutral with a lot of drape to make one of these. I’m also keeping my eyes open for something black and shiny to make another one of these. Also, there will be grits. And two nights in a hotel. The possibility of a martini. And because it’s a road trip? Nutter Butters and coffee—the perfect road trip snack.

Two hours have passed since I first sat down at the computer. I just dropped Harper off at school, meaning I now have 2.5 hours to myself before I pick everyone up.

I love this song, and am now on a quest to find an audio file and some decaf Earl Grey. Enjoy your afternoon.

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22 thoughts on “Vanilla Long John Love with a Side of Fiona Apple”

  1. Is it so wrong that I read that entire post and what I came away with is”Oh lord! She had a blowout this week too!” ?
    (I am not taking Seasonique. I did, however, have a crazy/super/fun situation on my family vacation in Seattle in the middle of a childrens’ museum that we had arrived at by PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION. Because I am, clearly, one of God’s favorites.)
    The failure you eluded to made me feel better, even without any details.
    Have fun in Chicago, sister!
    Also, welcome to the world of 2 school aged kids. It is an amazing place. You’ll be great here.

  2. I just want you to know that I envy you in so many ways.

    #1- I think you can knit or sew ANYTHING… and it’s all so adorable. I wish I just had the eye to buy something half as cute as you can make with your own two hands.
    #2-You get to go to Chicago…
    #3- You are so sucessful with Weight Watchers!
    #4- just because!!
    #5-I sometimes wish I had “me” time. (but i wouldn’t change my current life for anything).

    I would rather have a chocolate long john… or better yet… a jelly doughnut.

  3. Hey, so WOW, yeah. When I am around other adults, I suddenly develop verbal diarrhea and helicopter hands. Someone could lose an eye! Or only wish they did!

    We should totally meet up sometime. HAHAHAHAHAA!! No, really.

  4. Ms. Pudding: You have nothing to fear from the lovelies at Jeff’s class reunion. I may not have had occasion to say it during your and Jeff’s stint as Nashvillians, but you’re definitely Top Shelf, at least to me.

    However, now I’m thinking I missed out by not noticing your feet.

  5. I can totally vouch for the fact that while you may not think you have sparkling confidence, you have never appeared to me to be socially awkward. But maybe that’s the Xanax talking (actually it’s Lexapro).

  6. Oh, and while I have absolutely no interest in yarn, I am going to try very hard to sneak into your suitcase on the way to Chicago. ;-)

  7. My takeaway?

    Over the Taupe is describes as “An outrageously appealing shade of “lush”-room.”

    They said lush.

    Oh, and Seasonique didn’t work so well with me. Love the premise, but the massive menstral migraines and monstrous PMS symptoms made me switch back to the Depo shot.

  8. Angela Fluid Pudding!

    Do you prefer the Nutter Butters that are peanut-shaped sandwich cookies, or do you recognize the obvious supremacy of the crispy little pillow kind?

    I want to find you on Facebook and send you a farm animal, or maybe challenge you to a quiz, or find out what Buffy the Vampire Slayer character you are. I’d settle for just the farm animal, though.

  9. Oi! Mrs. Pudding, you are something else. So random and again you go with the making-me-smile thingy. You’re a peach. A peach! Don’t pay attention to those other people. Eeh! They’re all schlemiels compared to you and your family. (spoken in my best Long Island Rabbi voice…which is quite good by the way).

    By the way, here’s a recipe for peanut butter cookies

    Homemade is so much better than that Schlock you buy in the store. (rolls his eyes knowingly)

  10. Julie is correct about the little pillow wafer nutter butters.

    Brinski- have you ever tried the pillow wafer nutter butters?

  11. Mmmmm. NutterButters and roadtrips. My mom never let us have them when we were kids and even though I live all the way across the country now I still feel naughty when I buy them.

    And that February Lady sweater has been on my list for a while now. It’s beautiful. Good luck on the yarn hunt!

    Oh, and I’m socially awkward too. But when I’m in a social situation I just pretend I’m my mother who (though she denied us the deliciousness of NutterButters) can talk to anyone about anything. So just think of a person you can pretend to be and it’s easier to stand around and small-talk. I swear. Because the real you gets to do what you really want to do (stand in the background listening) while the pretend person does all the heavy lifting. And now that makes me sound kind of crazy.

  12. I cannot believe the spooky trees let you down. I thought they were great!

    I love Over The Taupe – I’ve never seen the polish, but the name is just the kind of detail I would babble about if someone complimented me.

  13. A random comment to your allegedly random (but greatly entertaining) post:
    OPI – the only nailpolish I will buy, partly because of the punny names, but also because it’s the best. My favorites:
    “I’m Not Really a Waitress”
    “Lincoln Park After Dark” and “PerubyRuby”
    OH! and Bogata Blackberry. Also their DripDry is the best and only one for me.

    Reunion – I went to my mine and my husband’s 20 year reunions (one week apart) at about 14 weeks pregnant, and in that stage where it’s hard to tell if you’ve had one too many Vanilla Long Johns, or if you might actually be pregnant. . . . . I made sure to tell everyone that I was pregnant. Also – I have about 50 “I’ll buy you a drink at the 30th reunion” drinks coming to me!BUT – the point I wanted to make is that – we noticed that lots of the women didn’t bring their husbands, but virtually all of the men brought their wives. We are pretty sure this is some sort of primal “See me be manly, admire my beautiful wife” thing. Either that, or it’s the men who want to assure themselves that they’ll have someone who will talk to them at this party . . . . The thing is, the wives generally were happy to just be friendly with one another – they didn’t have all the moldy old memories to share, and so at both reunions, the wives sort of ended up at their own tables, having a fun time, getting to know each other, and generally avoiding all the preening and competitive beer belly and baldness jokes going on between their husbands.
    I think you’ll have a good time!
    FINALLY – OMG that shawl. You are such an accomplished knitter. I admire and I envy. Which one is it? Or did you design it yourself.

    I have some yarn I got for what was supposed to be a kid’s sweater – but now I’m thinking maybe I’ll make myself a February Lady – after all, I won’t grow out of it!

  14. I’m an OPI “I’m Not Really a Waitress” fan (for my toes, not my fingers).

    My tip to overcome social awkwardness (of which I have had plenty) – remind yourself that you really don’t care what these people think anyway. Because really? You don’t.

    Please, please make that sweater in the green isntead of black. I think that shade would look gorgeous on you!

    Also – I’ll bet the Lovelies aren’t so lovely anymore.

  15. Last night I dreant that I made a dress (which I have never attempted) by draping and pinning it on myself. It worked! Then I was overwhelmed with regret that I did not use your angry trees fabric.

  16. Ah, FP, always a pleasure to hear from you. And have a peek at your knitting plans. You are being a bit hard on yourself I think. I’m yet to attend a parent teacher night, but I am sure it’s not the easiest event to find the appropriate level of socialness (made up word?). At least at the reunion there’ll be wine (and toasted ravioli apparently, what the hell? we don’t have that in my country). Are you working on a skirt for the event or it a full-length-spangly- dress type affair?

  17. Yeah, what’s toasted ravioli? How do you get that into the toaster, anyway? My hubby tried to get me to go to his 30 year reunion & I just said “nope”… he said all the single (divorced) female classmates tried to pick him up. They’re all dreaming, him included. Love the knitting, too. Bit scared that I’ve found your flickr pages, can a person drown in too much pudding? And what’s a Vanilla LongJohn, too?

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