I’ll drive all night just to buy you some shoes.

This morning I decided to be in the market for athletic shoes. (Would it look like I’m trying too hard if I said something like “This was no small feat!”?! I like to think that I’m cooler than that. Let’s shift focus a bit, shall we? It was one year ago tonight when Jeff and I found ourselves invited to attend a Bruce Springsteen sound check, and as if that wasn’t enough (We were the only “civilians” in the stadium! Seriously!), we got a personal tour of the backstage area, AND we went home that night with the handwritten set list. I’ve met some pretty amazing people through the Internet, Internet. I’ve been thinking about that show all day. Ah, Mr. Springsteen.)

Anyway, my main goal for the athletic shoe thing was to get something user-friendly and perhaps brown. These were pretty much exactly what I wanted. To me, those shoes say, “I’m a climber of mountains. I could run if I need to, but really, I’m just strolling down the road looking for a chai and some chili.” Perfection.

As I drove to the shoe store, I set Sparky up to play the overture from Selmasongs. It’s sort of my own personal Rocky theme, and it never fails to stir up my much needed Invincibility Vibe. Drama! French horns! I am Flo Jo! (It was one of the songs that played as our wedding guests entered the church. (I absolutely LOVE the build up to 2:24. It makes my lip quiver every time.)) When I entered the store, I headed straight for the New Balance display. Sadly, the perfect brown shoes were not available in my size, and a wicked step sister I am not.

I tried on over thirty pairs of shoes this morning, and in the end, feeling weary and very vincible, I settled for something that ended up being over twenty dollars cheaper than The Perfect Shoes.


I suppose you could say that they’re silver, but deep down we all know that they’re white (actually, they’re >>>WHITE<<< and partly pink, even), and not at all chummy. In fact, they’re very standoffish, and after wearing them all day? My feet feel as if I’ve jumped into a vat of chattering teeth. As I type these words to you, the shoes are sitting in the corner quoting Kafka (in German, of course. Jackasses.) and tossing lit matches at the cats. Earlier this afternoon I found them spitting and whispering nasty things about my butt.

I believe I’m meant to sit barefoot on the couch eating sweet potato pancakes for the rest of my existence. Would you care to join me? ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

21 thoughts on “I’ll drive all night just to buy you some shoes.”

  1. My shoes quote Goethe. They’re quite bitchy themselves at times. Let’s get them together for an intellectual, stimulating evening by the fire. If they irk us, we’ll toss them in the flames.

  2. Punish the shoes, you will feel better. I like them, but I know that doesn’t help.

  3. They are the Cruel Shoes.

    I’m very happy with the black NBs I bought a couple of months ago. And with your title reference as well.

  4. I say, take ’em back! Life’s too short to go around getting your toes nipped at by a cauldron of dentures. Go for the NB’s on-line in your presumed size with free return option if they don’t feel good. Besides, those laces? They look too darn slippery.

    (Tough love coming your way from Cupertino!)

  5. Sorry your shoes didn’t work out. I always wear mine around the house for several hours before I wear them out on the streets. That way if I can’t beat them into submission I can always return them.

    If you did indeed buy the shoes at the same store as the Website link to the perfect brown shoes you can go back to the store and order them. They’ll get delivered to your house for free.

  6. Yay, for me, for the first time ever I get to comment in the top ten, (but I only achieved this by bunking off work, so don’t tell)… shoes? I hate ’em. Mine don’t recite poetry so much as sit there planning the next Spanish Inquisition, in Swahili, just in case I’m of a mind to listen. But of course there’s always revenge – check this out: http://www.flickr.com/photos/28323006@N07/3851363952/

    That’s how to treat recalcitrant shoes.

  7. Can we see the rest of your superhero outfit?

    Do you know about Asics? Do you know about The Running Center of St. Louis? It’s a shoe store on Manchester, where they assess your stance/gait/stride and fit you to THE PERFECT SHOE and they sell New Balance and Asics!


  8. It’s a terrible thing when good shoes go bad. My Asics keep sneaking off behind the bleachers to smoke joints with the stoner kids, but damned if they don’t perform spectacularly when I really need them to. If only they’d quit leaving Twinkie wrappers in my sock drawer.

  9. Hi, FP.

    I am proud/ashamed to say that I purchased my 1st pair of sensible shoes last week. I want to say I feel all grown up but honestly, I feel like it’s a sign I’m just gett’n old.

    If you return the useless, feel-no-good Nikes (in my opinion, they are blinding white), you might want to check out Merrell’s: http://www.onlineshoes.com/merrell-b_id9?adtrack=gaw&term=merrell

    Another option is the New Balance Store on Clayton Road (by the Esquire). They have certified pedorthists on staff who are available to make sure you’ve got the right fit.

    Good luck! Keep your feet happy!

  10. I have the same shiny silver shoes with glaring PINK! (i loathe pink) swoosh emblem, and I’m always self-conscious when I wear them. They were cheap, so I buckled and settled. Don’t settle. You’ll hate each other and start sleeping in separate beds.

  11. Can I recommend that you look in to some Merrells? I used to not be able to walk around much at all because my bio-mechanics were off or something. But I’ve bought one pair of them and have since been able to stroll around like it’s part of my every day.


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