Fact: When I was a kid, my mom took my sister and I to school every morning and picked us up every afternoon.
Fact: Every year in the fall (no foreshadowing pun intended), our elementary school would hold a Family Fun Night. And that Family Fun Night included a cake walk.
Fact: My mom used to be quite a cake maker. She has been known to create wedding cakes. No joke.
One afternoon when I was nine and in the fourth grade, I ran down the hill from the elementary school to my mom’s car and found that the front seat on the passenger side was covered with towels surrounding and protecting a lovely white-iced three-layer cake. My mom told me that the cake was for Family Fun Night, and she had been waiting for me to get down to the car so we could carry it up the hill to the gymnasium.
Because nine year old kids tend to be a bit over-confident, I begged my mom to let me carry the cake up to the gym by myself.
My mom then made the worst decision of her life, which is a huge deal when you consider the fact that she once purchased and wore a blue polyester jumpsuit with red and yellow stalks of wheat painted at hip level.
“Well, okay. But be careful.”
I got out of the car and Mom reluctantly handed me the aluminum foil wrapped piece of cardboard with the three layer cake balanced on top.
I slowly took off toward the gym, concentrating on the cake with every step I took.
You get the idea.
So, then this happened: The barometric pressure suddenly changed and I fell down. And when I fell down, I dropped the cake. And it stayed on the cardboard platter thing, but the top two layers shifted quite a bit. I quickly looked down to my mom’s car and noticed that she was talking to another mom and hadn’t seen my fall. SO, with tiny rocks embedded in my hands, I pushed those cake layers back so they were lined up, wiped the icing from my hands onto my pants, and delivered the cake to the gym.
The mother’s club volunteer took one look at the cake, looked down at my hands and pants, and asked what happened.
Get this. I told her that my mom isn’t a very safe driver, and that the cake fell off of the seat onto the floor of the car.
“Mom says it’s fine for the cake walk.”
I then turned around and headed straight to the bathroom to clean myself up before returning to the car.