Before I tell you this story, please know: Fluid Pudding has absolutely nothing to do with bodily functions. In fact, I like to pretend that my body does NOT function, if you know what I’m saying. Over the summer when I was diagnosed with a condition that has the word Bowel in the name? Um, yeah. I don’t want to talk about it.
Yesterday I cleaned the girls’ room for the first time ever. It took over eight hours, and the final result is this: Three tons of toys have been donated to charity, another ton of (mostly broken) toys have been thrown away. Now? Every Toy has a place. That’s a huge deal for us.
As I cleaned and tossed (and grew more irritable than I care to admit), I came across a little plastic gem-like thing. As I threw it in the trash, Harper screamed.
“THAT’S MY DIAMOND! YOU CAN’T THROW AWAY MY DIAMOND!”
So, I pulled the gem out of the trash, handed it to her, and said, “I better not ever see that diamond on the floor again.”
Two hours passed, and I took a break from cleaning to fix dinner.
Harper entered the kitchen.
Harper: I think I swallowed my diamond.
Me: What do you mean you THINK you swallowed your diamond? DID you swallow your diamond?
(Both of my kids say Naybe instead of Maybe. I’ll never correct them. Also, Meredith says Renember instead of Remember. I love that.)
I called the doctor, told her that Harper swallowed a plastic object roughly the size of a nickel, and learned that an 18-month-old baby can swallow a quarter and pass it with minimal difficulty. (Interesting!) She told me the signs to watch for (difficulty breathing, unbearable pain, blood in the stool, etc.) and then said, “If Harper wore diapers, I would suggest you check her output for the gem. Since she’s not in diapers, I’ll just tell you to do whatever gives you peace of mind.”
This afternoon after lunch, the following cry echoed throughout the house:
“I THINK I JUST POOPED A DIAMOND!”
I ran to the bathroom and looked. I didn’t see a diamond.
Harper: I think it’s in there. Look! That one is shaped like a diamond!
Jeff: What are we supposed to do?
Me: I don’t see a diamond. I’m not sure how to proceed! Should we examine it more closely? I DON’T KNOW!
Meredith: You’re going to touch poop with your hands?!?!
Jeff slowly walked outside, retrieved a stick, and poked each of Harper’s creations to check for diamonds. No luck.
Jeff: I’m really glad I took vacation time this week.
Me: When your team asks what you did, be sure to include Poking Poop with a Stick.