My jeans play fast and loose.

This is what I know: You can take an ear of corn (including the husk and silk and all other corn-related anatomy) and cook it in the microwave on high for three and a half minutes. Take it out (carefully, because it’s really crazy hot), remove outer corn-related things, and what you have left is a perfect corn on the cob. (I’ve been boiling pots of water for years. Wait. I’ve been boiling pots of water for EARS! HA HA HA HA HA!!! Now I can make single servings! Suddenly, everything’s coming up roses.)

This is what I think: Harper’s kindergarten teacher signs all of her correspondence with Love, MFB. When you’re expecting a Sincerely and you get a Love? It’s sort of a pleasant surprise.

This is what I’m wearing: Last week I found myself at Old Navy for the first time in several years. I’ve grown tired of wearing t-shirts with skirts every single day, so I decided to buy A Shirt. I ended up with this one (the red flowered version). I also bought a pair of denim capris, because they were super cheap. This morning I put the jeans on and noticed that the inside of the waistband holds the words The Flirt. I will be extra careful while wearing these jeans, because I cringe at the thought of waking up in an emergency room to a bunch of medical professionals yelling, “Ah! It seems that The Flirt is opening her eyes! Ask The Flirt how many fingers I’m holding up! The Flirt’s O2 Sat is looking a bit coquettish!”

This is what could change my life: On Wednesday, I’ll be kicking off my 40-day Inner Mean Girl Cleanse. When my 40 days are up, I might be putting flowers in my hair and using the L word a lot more. Or maybe not. Perhaps my Inner Mean Girl (I believe her name is Sam. I used to drink beer and introduce myself as Sam. Thank God those days are over. Wait a second. The Flirt! My Inner Flirt is a boozehound!) will fight the cleanse and October will find me looking a bit like this. Either way, things could get interesting. Or maybe not!

This is what I’m eating: Sushi for lunch and Indian for dinner, Lee Greenwood.
I want to give you $150! Come over here, read about my disaster cake decorating experience, tell me a funny story, and you could win $150! ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

17 thoughts on “My jeans play fast and loose.”

  1. I like my inner mean girl. She lets me say the “f” word with almost rhythmic regularity. She does call me fat though. I think you are safe in the ER unless you actually end up there through some rare flirting accident. Like you threw your hair back and broke your neck or fluttered your eyelashes until your eyeball fell out and rolled away.

  2. I always manage to overcook or undercook my corn in boiling water, so I can’t wait to try your microwave method.

    OMG! I had never before seen that spider-walking scene.

  3. Ok, I have “the flirt” ones. But even worse is “the diva” jeans. Imagine that …. Looks like “the Diva” thinks she deserves more platelets.

  4. i have the flirt jeans too. they’re not my all time favorite, but they’re really quite good, especially considering the price. (of course now i feel i have to be extra careful too…)

  5. The corn? It’s too good to be true. Is it really, honestly true? Because if it is I’m going on a corn binge!

  6. This must be “microwave cooking discoveries” week or something. Yesterday I discovered microwave individual serving cheesecake and today the microwave corn on the cob! Yay! The Single Person cooking for one rejoices!

    And I want that shirt too… (in blue) hmm..

    And (2) the link for the cleanse scared the pants nearly off me with the suddenly starting audio which makes it hard to look like I’m working while at work.

    Here’s hoping you don’t have to wake up to people in the emergency room thinking you go by “the Flirt”!

  7. I’m a little late to the part-ay, but you can also roast or broil corn (or just throw it on the grill) and it tastes AWESOME. In the main part of the oven, I usually roast it for about 15-20 minutes @ 350-400 degrees. Remove all of the husk except the bottom most leaf (and the silk below that). Put the husks directly on the oven rack and turn once half way through cooking. Season with parmesan cheese and paprika. Mmmmm.

  8. Like Julie, I just discovered roasted corn too. It’s amaaaaaaazing. The roasting makes it so sweet! I’m never boiling it again!

    A microwave might be better for hot weather though. If I ever get one again I’ll try your tip.

  9. I just made the microwave corn tonight. Awesome! My life will never be the same. Thanks for the tip!

  10. totally had elliot in my lap when i clicked on the “after cleanse” link. i did not quite expect that. his eyes got big, and he said, “WHAT was That!?”

    And I said, “Honey, it’s ok. That was just a flirt.”

  11. (he was over it as soon as it was over, tho somewhere in his subconscious, the term ‘flirt’ will forever make his spine ache)

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