Harper’s not a chicken, but I am. Because you are what you eat. (Insert sobs here.)

This post has nothing to do with feminine protection! With that said, I feel the need to thank all of you who commented or sent e-mails regarding my tampon post. I have some very funny people stopping by Fluid Pudding. We should all have lunch sometime. Actually, let’s do it in Australia so I can kill all sorts of (figurative) birds with one stone. (Here’s a bird: My life list now holds the following item: Prepare fish tacos for Isabella Golightly in Australia, as they do not have chipotles in adobo sauce in Australia. Are you doing the life list thing? I want to learn how to make paper dolls, too.)

Three days ago, Harper told me that she wanted to get her ears pierced. I asked if she wanted a few weeks to think about it, or if she wanted to go after school on Monday. With Jeff in New Orleans and the girls and I constantly on the lookout for diversions (we almost bought a baby monkey over the weekend!), we went after school on Monday.

Long story short: She sat in the piercing chair and chose her starter earrings, they pierced the first ear, she cried and cried, I fought back the urge to vomit and gave her the option of doing the second ear later, she put on her Stalwart hat and decided to go through with the entire process in one sitting, and there you go. I now have a very brave five year old with blue daisy earrings.

Ear!

There’s simply no way to tie this to that, so I’ll just tell you this: I went back to Weight Watchers last week. I first joined back in 2003 when I had something like 35 pounds to lose after giving birth to my ten pound Meredith. (I believe it took about six months to lose those 35 pounds.) I’ve joined and quit more times than I care to admit, but Jennifer Hudson! Singing Nina Simone! It’s a new dawn! A new day! A new life! Argh! I couldn’t NOT go back! Anyway, I went to an actual meeting this afternoon and I had lost 2.6 pounds, meaning I’m within two pounds of my goal weight, meaning my lifetime membership is back on track, meaning I don’t have to pay.

All of this to say: I’m liking the new program. I’m a vegetarian who tries to eat as many unprocessed foods as possible, and this plan seems to be very well-suited to that lifestyle. Yes, I can’t go to Gokul every day, but I *can* go once or twice a week if I feel a hankering. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them. If you have major criticism, please make sure you know what you’re talking about before you start talking. (I have a lot of pet peeves. One of them is the tiny splotch of yogurt that always seems to pop out onto my hand when I’m peeling off the foil lid. Another is when someone spins their uninformed head around and pukes out things like, “That damned Weight Watchers diet is cuhrazy bad for you!” without really knowing the first thing about it. First off? It’s not a diet. Secondly? I’m eating fruit and soup and oatmeal and Indian food and bean burritos and sushi. I’m very happy and not at all hungry.)

Last week I told Jeff that I believe it’s time for us to install a punching bag in the basement. I’m the most non-confrontational person you’ll ever meet, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to punch a bag.

I believe I’m still feeling a bit of anxiety over my inability to draw a proper picture of a chicken. Here. Let me just tell you: After being a strict vegetarian for seven months, I unknowingly cooked my vegetables and tofu in chicken broth last weekend at The Melting Pot, and I’m STILL bothered by it. I feel like I’ve gone backward—like I have to take my two hundred twenty something days of being meat free back to zero. Ugh. AND, I would blame our server who knew I was vegetarian and didn’t tell us that our chosen cooking method had a chicken broth base, but really. It’s not her responsibility to babysit my lifestyle. I should have asked more questions. So disappointing. AND, I was physically ill for nearly three days after eating, and I have no way of knowing if it was the chicken broth that made me sick, or if the whole episode was psychosomatic. I don’t want to talk about it. I miss Keith Olbermann.

Seriously. Let’s go to Australia together. I promise to not yammer. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

31 thoughts on “Harper’s not a chicken, but I am. Because you are what you eat. (Insert sobs here.)”

  1. I once lost 65 pounds on WW — good program if your head is into it. But I am trying South Beach Diet right now and am overwhelmed by the cooking requirements for the suggested Phase 1 menu. Yesterday I minced 8 cloves of garlic, diced 3 onions, and diced/sliced/shredded 3 bell peppers for one day of menus. Hellztotheno!
    I once aspirated a marshmallow at Melting Pot, ending up in the emergency room on my 40th birthday for Novocaine shots into my throat. What I’m saying is that things could have gone a lot worse for you, methinks.
    p.s. Cute earrings. I need to go get one re-pierced after re-constructive plastic surgery to close one that had ripped open (bad baby story), so I’d like to know where you went, if you don’t mind disclosing.

  2. MY Meredith had both ears pierced at the same time, because I feared that she wouldn’t be as brave as YOUR Meredith, and would have only one ear pierced, forever!

  3. I just started WW for the third or fourth time in the past four years (like you, first time was to lose baby weight). It totally works if you have your head right. And right now? My head is so right. And I think I really do like the new plan. I’m just sad that beer is so very point-y. My first weigh in is tomorrow night. I’ve never weighed in at night before. I prefer first thing in the A.M completely naked after using the facilities. But not really. Congrats on being close to lifetime. I have about 15 to get there.

  4. It is hard to believe that you are more non-confrontational than my ex-boss. In fact, when I was pregnant in 2008 and emailed him about my maternity leave (we did not have a policy), rather than discuss it with me he just ignored me and paid me full salary for 3 months. Yay for non-confrontational bosses.

  5. I’d be visualising punching the server, just quietly. Of course, when you come to Australia there will be no punching, only boxing with Kangaroos. And I need to know if you consider lobster & crayfish as ‘fish’, so I can stock up. Yipee! (When are you coming, again?) Also, I’ve finished your pouch!!

  6. I’m in. I’m packing right now.

    The alternative is painting the splattered coffee stains in the kitchen (I dropped a cup and the coffee went more on the walls than on the floor. Go figure)

  7. As a longtime veg, I have become “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” about stuff like chicken broth. I just pretend it isn’t there. It occurred to me that it was better for my health to not stress about it than it was to be pure. Meat isn’t poison, after all (except maybe in Santa Cruz, where vegans will insist it is).

    I’d just rather enjoy my meal out without quizzing the staff about food prep. I pick the most vegetarian sounding thing on the menu and munch away in blissful ignorance.

  8. I was contemplating the yogurt explosion thing yesterday…and decided to open the yogurt while holding it in the sink. Splat of yogurt on sink…my shirt, splat free! My brilliance amazes me.

    I get that feeling…the one you had after realizing you had chicken broth. I fell off the wagon hard after 8 months of strict vegetarianism with a Wendy’s cheeseburger. I should have special ordered (hold the pickles, hold the lettuce!) as it had probably sat around for awhile under the warming lights. Ah, at any rate…I don’t know what my point is…I’ve found that every once in awhile I’m going to allow myself to eat meat without beating myself up because…because…most of the time I don’t eat it…For the most part…I am contributing to a healthier, more humane planet…

  9. I think Suebob’s sort of vegetarianism sounds quite reasonable. You most certainly do not need to restart at zero. It’s more like a former smoker who happened to walk through the smoking lounge of a fancy restaurant (by accident). It is not like a former smoker who bought a pack of Marlboros and huffed two of them at the back entrance by the loading dock. Accidental does not count.

    My starter earrings were tiny white stars rimmed in gold. I still have one of them (why do I still have one of them?). Harper looks lovely!

  10. So cute. My 8 year old periodically says she “might” want to get her ears pierced – and I always say “Okay!” and then she decides she’s not ready.
    I have done WW twice. I probably should be going back, but having a child with Type 1 means I am always “counting food” and I realized the other day that I don’t really feel like “counting food” two different ways at every meal – one for him and one for me. So – no WW for me right now – although I do try to apply the principals generally, and I think if I really put my mind to it, I could be back to my goal weight in about a month and be back to lifetime status…..maybe I should just get on with that.

    I’m sorry to hear you felt ill after eating the chicken broth. Among carnivores, it’s actually prized for its healing qualities in some circles – BUT – if it’s not what your tummy wanted, then maybe not so much. However, being familiar with WW you will know that every moment is a choice – and so in the next moment, you can just make the choice to continue being vegetarian, and the moments with the chicken broth are now long past.

  11. I started WW this week after realizing that my fat jeans were tight. Ugh! I’ve been cooking almost every night for over a year now so I thought this time it would be easier than when I tried in the past. (BTW, I was a lifetime member on the old system of exchanges back in 1991)

    But I’m really struggling to stay under my points allowances. I only snack on fruit and sugar free jello; but I’ve found that my normal dinner choices from relishrelish seem to run 13 to 17 points per serving (for entree and side) One of the things I love about that menu service is that their sides are always so perfectly paired with the entrees. But… I can’t have leftovers for lunch the next day and then cook dinner too unless all I eat is zero point food the rest of the day (including breakfast) This has left me absolutely starving!

    Some days I can have a four or five point breakfast of cereal or a lara bar; but then I’m using all my extra weekly points for breakfast every day. I felt so light headed after working out last night (since I only could eat fruit before workout) that I was ill. I just don’t know what to do. I’m thinking of eating fruit for lunch and then saving my leftovers for a large snack before workout but I’m pretty sure I’ll be hungry all day. Seriously, I don’t know how to cook on this plan and not starve all damn day!

  12. Oh, so many comments!

    1. I have never joined WW. I have been curious. But, I have been more curious about the Meal People. . . those groups that send a week / month of food at a time. Have you ever done one of those?
    2. Meanwhile, I should mention that I love to cook – so that whole Meal People Thing probably wouldn’t do it for me. I cook nearly every night for my husband and myself. I can’t help but cook for 8 people (thank you, Grandma!)
    3. I’m currently over-weight. Despite the low BP, good Cholesterol, etc. . . I am over-weight. I am fat. I work out several times a week at the Y. I try to watch what I eat. I fit into my skinny jeans. . . which are likely fat jeans for everyone else. =) Know what? I’m alright with the fact that I’m not a size 4 anymore. Though, I would LOVE to be in the single digits again. It’s probably not that far off. . just a little more hard work and a little less indulgence!
    3. I got my ears pierced when I was 12. My Mum didn’t want it to be before that. So, I pined away for three years until I was able to get it done. When it was done. . I was pleased, but it really wasn’t all that great. When I was 14, I got another set in my earlobes – I have gigantic earlobes. Of course, the little jolt of adrenaline fueled my obsession with piercings and by the time I was in college, I had them everywhere . . . Don’t worry. They are NOT forever. =)
    4. I was a vegetarian for nearly 5 years. Part-way through college at Mizzou, I got a severe hankering for a meatball sub. . . I bought one and at the whole thing by myself. Then, I suffered for nearly a week as my body tried to kill me. It was TOTALLY worth it. =)

  13. I’ve been a strict vegetarian for over 15 years and about 6 years ago my dad (who is also a vegetarian) bought jarred pasta sauce without ever considering that it’d have SAUSAGE IN IT. It’s the last time I ate meat, and it made really sick.

  14. I would so go to Australia with you… I love weight watchers (I only had 15 to loose in this pre menopausal body) and yay it’s not a diet…And! I think is was so the servers responsibility to tell you your order was cooked in chicken broth because she knew you were a vegetarian. What if you were gluten free? What if you had an allergy to chickens, which you may have.

  15. I’m with SueBob. Have been veggie for almost 20 years and am willfully ignorant of use of chicken broth in just about anything. My husband even uses it to cook many soups and I just turn my back and enjoy the soup. BUT, if you let the server know you were veggie, she really should have told you the story on the chicken broth. But Melting Pot? Yum. Except for the idea of aspirated marshmallows.

    Elsimom – I am also type 1 and while WW sounds compelling to try, the idea of counting carbs + points is overwhelming to me. :)

  16. Hey Jessica D – You and I can totally relate!
    We do all the counting for my son so far, but he will have to do it some day, and I bet he will be sick of it from time to time!
    Best to you for good health!

  17. I am coming out of long time stalker/lurkerdom to tell you that one time, I happened to find myself in St. Louis for an overnight (on a Friday night) and hungry for Indian food. I vaguely remembered that it was possible that you were from the St. Louis area, and that you had mentioned tasty Indian food once before, so I fired up the laptop, SEARCHED and SEARCHED and SEARCHED your archives until I found the previously mentioned mentioning of Gokul, and since my very easygoing (and Indian food loving) boyfriend was agreeable, we went to Gokul.

    IT WAS THE BEST FOOD I HAVE EVER EATEN!

    Given the chance again, I would have done things differently. Or maybe not. It was a Friday night, there was a buffet, they were crazy busy, there were crowds of people standing around in the parking lot, the crowd was very ethnic, and they were showing a Bollywood film against the back wall. My bare white knees were the only female knees on display in the place, and we were a little self-conscious. But….

    Did I mention that it was the BEST FOOD I HAVE EVER EATEN?

    I never did thank you for that, so here it is. Thank you.

  18. 18 lbs on WW since 12/1/10.
    So very, very sorry about the broth.
    Not the same, but invoked similar emotions when my mom served rabbit on Easter on year. We have not let her live it down.

  19. Though I’m not on the current WW, I agree it is the best yet. With free veggies and fruit and upping the point count on carbs, etc…they are truly influencing the way people eat.

    Congrats on getting to Lifetime (or back to lifetime) – nothing like FREE meetings for accountability and support!

  20. That a woman can have two babies and still look as fabulous as you gives me hope for the future (as, at present, I’m too round to bend over far enough to tie my shoes).

    Don’t let the chicken broth get you down: it does not undo all the good you’ve done!

  21. First, I miss Keith Olbermann too! I neeeed my angry left wing rants to soothe my soul. I teach poli sci and have my share of tea baggers in my classes (bite my tongue a lot). Rachel Maddow is great, but Olbermann just had that edge – the zinger!

    Second, oy. I have joined and left WW who knows how many times. Here are my reasons for leaving (please note that none of them include having met my goal weight!). a) they’re always tryong to sell you on their products. This annoys the crap out of me because I try to eat healthy unprocessed food and they want you to eat their “smart ones” and everyone in the meting yaps about that stuff. I’m not big on subbing faux for real, I’d rather have less of the real food and not be stuffing my gob full of chemicals. b.) I can never relate to my group. The meetings don’t help me, in fact I start to feel ridiculously rebellious and cut my nose off to spite my face (I’m can be areal asshole to myself). Anyway – the new program…how different is it? Is it life changing? Or is it essentially “core” with a new name?

  22. also – Congratulations on getting to and staying at goal – that’s huge. : ) Cute earring on Meredith. I love having a little girl. They’re fun.

  23. By ‘punch a bag’, I assume that you mean ‘punch Nancy Grace’. If so, I wholeheartedly support your plan. If not, give it some thought. Punching Nancy Grace might do you (and her) a lot of good.

    Someone recently introduced me to the glorious world of making oatmeal using steel-cut oats and apples and raisins and maybe a little brown sugar and maple syrup. I want to punch myself like a bag for never eating that stuff prior to now and, worse, having ever chosen to eat the spackle that the Quaker Oats people crapped into a little bag (JUST ADD WATER! SO EASY! AND AWFUL!).

  24. Australia? Really? If you make it down here I would ply you and your entourage local delicasies of your choosing. At the beach. Pavlova? We could work out the points on that.

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