Before you leave you brush your teeth with a bottle of What?!

Meredith had a friend over on Friday night, and this was a Big Deal, because it was the first time we’ve ever had one of her friends over for the night. I picked the kids up from school, I took them straight to the theater to see Gnomeo and Juliet (which they loved and I sort of hated), and then we came back to the house for pizza. At about 8:00, the friend busted out Just Dance for the Wii, and the girls started dancing. I noticed that they spent a lot of time dancing to one song in particular, but I didn’t pay much attention to what the song was.

On Saturday night, Jeff told me that Meredith had purchased the song on iTunes and that I should listen to it, because when they listened to it in the car, it became clear pretty quickly that it’s not a song for a seven year old. Apparently, Ke$ha, who spells her name with a dollar sign because she’s awe$ome and has dirty feet, brushes her teeth with a bottle of Jack because when she leaves for the night she ain’t comin’ back. (She’s says she’s trying to get a little bit tipsy, and later boasts that boys are trying to touch her junk, but she’ll kick them to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger. Apparently, she doesn’t have a care in the world, because she has plenty of beer (along with the aforementioned bottle of Jack), and as long as the police don’t shut them down, the party don’t stop. Also, she’s going to fight until she sees the sunlight.)

My gut reaction was to immediately delete the song from Meredith’s iPod and replace it with the stupid Kidz Bop version. Hhhhhhhh. Deep down, I knew that was a crappy solution. Yesterday afternoon when Meredith wanted to listen to her iPod, I told her that I needed to talk to her for a bit.

Me: We need to talk about Tik Tok.

Meredith: What about it?

Me: Well, do you know how you talk at school about drugs and alcohol and how they’re not good and that it’s important to stay away from them if you want to stay smart and creative and healthy?

Meredith: Yes.

Me: I know you like the music behind Tik Tok, but the words are all about a girl who’s not so bright and she drinks a lot of alcohol and gets herself into trouble at a party and just sort of hopes that the police don’t show up.

Meredith: I didn’t get that, but I did hear her say that she was going to fight.

Me: Yep. She also wants to fight.

Harper: And she wants to brush her teeth with a bottle of Jack.

Me: Yes.

Meredith: That’s a dollar wasted.

We’ve deleted Ke$ha and replaced her with the Spanish version of a Selena Gomez song that we like. Selena may be kissing Justin Bieber, but at least she’s not singing songs about pouring vodka directly into her eyeballs. And if she IS, we won’t know, because my Spanish is a little rusty, and Meredith’s Spanish is limited to numbers and a few common phrases. Once again: Parenting is hard/easy.

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20 thoughts on “Before you leave you brush your teeth with a bottle of What?!”

  1. I heard that song for the first time on Glee the other night, which I sort of of hated (the song AND the episode). Redeeming grace: Principal Figgins calling Ke$sha “Key Dollar Sign Ha”.

    Hee. Reminded me of the period when Prince changed his name to a symbol, and the verbal contortions that ensued as people tried to figure out how to pronounce it.

  2. I really like that you were honest with her and talked it out. I am more of a deleter/liar, myself. “Where did that song go? Oh, I read online that it was recorded wrong and has a virus that makes it self-destruct. Hey, look! iCarly is on!”

  3. My 4-year-old and my best Ke$ha conversation:

    [listening to a song about being in some sort of strip club with a dirty floor and removing one’s clothes]

    R: Mommy, what does “Take it off” mean?
    Me: Umm…remember how they said there was glitter on the floor?
    R: YES!
    Me: Well, they wanted to clean the club up before they left, and they wanted to make cleaning more fun, so when they were cleaning the floor, they were singing, “Take it off”.
    R: [knowingly] Glitter is hard to pick up.

  4. True story: I was the last one on earth to realize that Britney Spears’ song “If U Seek Amy” was NOT about looking for a girl named Amy… and it became my four year old’s favorite song. By the time she turned five, she knew all the words, and I realized how inappropriate it was when her teacher told me she was singing it to herself at school. Whoops!

    Also, the fact that Meredith’s reaction was “That’s a dollar wasted.” just cracked me up!

  5. ‘Key-dollar-sign-Ha’ is now in my vocabulary to stay after that episode of Glee. Wasn’t my favorite, either, but that was enough to keep me from turning it off.

    Also, I found out that my husband has never heard the “Cars that go Boom” song.

  6. Wait? If you seek Amy isn’t about looking for someone named Amy? I think this means I’ve officially crossed over into middle age.

  7. My 13-year-old was in love with that song, but I cured that by singing it all the time. She HATES it when I sing. I have ruined many songs for her this way. Mwahahaha! (Parenting teenagers is even harder/easier!)

  8. I have definitely crossed over into middle age. I’ve never heard of Key Dollar Sign Ha. I have heard of Jack, but I’d never brush my teeth with it. That’s what vodka is for.

  9. Fortunately, we don’t listen to pop music in our house. In my car we listen to *my* music choices (which are pretty tame). In my husband’s car he plays mainly old stuff – ELO, Dylan, The Beatles, The Monkees, Journey, etc. They are only familiar with music we expose them to. We almost never listen to the radio (fortunately). Their alarm clocks are set to the local classic rock station, so they frequently waken to Roger Daltrey screaming about not getting fooled again or Carole King opining about feeling like a natural woman.

  10. You did a great job parenting!

    Thankfully Charlie could care less about music since we don’t really listen to it much. In the car it’s either Southern Gospel (me) or Charlie’s songs – VeggieTales and VBS cds.

    I do not listen to current music so I have no idea who Ke$ha is. I’m sure we’ll be having this type of conversation soon though.

  11. I walked through the room while DH was watching SNL a while ago and she was doing something bizarre. So I had to internet research her of course and ended up watching this interview:
    In which she explains that the man who may be her bio dad turned out to be obviously not because he has a video gaming chair, so she moved out of his house and into her car. If I recall correctly.

  12. About 10 years ago I was driving my 3 year old niece to the store and we were listening to the Dixie Chicks, which happened to be her favorite.

    It’s rather disturbing to hear a 3 year old belt out “Earl walked right through that restraining order and put her in intensive care” and “it didn’t take them long to decide that Earl had to DIE!” I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I laughed myself silly.

  13. {{sigh}} I did the same thing with Ke$ha. I bought the boys, “Take it Off” and immediately regretted it.

    There’s a place I know
    If you’re looking for a show.
    Where they go hardcore
    And there’s glitter on the floor.

    And they turn me on.
    When they Take It Off.
    When they Take It Off.
    Everybody Take It Off.

    It’s not horrible, but it’s also not good. Then again, when I was their age, I listened to songs with inappropriate lyrics and I sang them and never understood what they meant until yeaaaarrrrrs later when I went, “Ohhhhhh!”

    Funny, I let them listen to Jay-Z and Eminem, but there’s something about whore-y Ke$ha I can’t stand and find highly inappropriate.

  14. PS – speaking of Ke$ha, you have to watch her new video for “blow”.

    Brief overview:
    Dawson Leary and laser-shot Unicorn People that bleed rainbows.


  15. I loathed Gnomeo and Juliet. And I can almost always find something I like about a movie. Not that one. Bo-ring. At least the gaggle of girls I took loved it.

    As for inappropriate songs, clothes (I’m looking at you, Justice), etc.; I have adopted the phrase, “That is a little old for you, don’t you think?” I don’t want to say something is trashy because, even though I’d be right, some kid will turn up in school wearing, listening too, whatever the very thing I demeaned.

    Also, it might be a tiny bit hypocritical, given that my child’s favorite Ramones song is “I Wanna Be Sedated”. I remember a conversation I had with my father concerning the words to Lady Marmalade…ahem.

  16. “That’s a dollar wasted.” HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Meredith is AWESOME!!!
    My daughter used to like P!nk’s music–“I’m gonna get in trouble/ I’m gonna start a fight.” After talking about the wrong-ness of the lyrics it’s the beat she likes, and she’s completely right. What to do?! Kidz Bop here we come.

  17. I did a doubletake when I heard that song in the commercial for a kids movie (It was, like, Marmaduke or something, so it seems unlikely to have been a bad influence on anyone.)

    The section of the song in the commercial was pretty innocent (the party don’t start ’til I walk in) (except of course in the noun-verb agreement area) but I thought “Wait, isn’t that the ‘boys try to touch my junk’ song?

    I don’t know, we see those KidzBop commercials every day. I’m not sure I’d like those tarted-up tweens any better than the occasional ‘touch my junk’ lyric.

    My son’s fav song is ‘Tonight’s going to be a good night.” Which we don’t own, so occasionally we listen to on the computer. Until I saw the video of Fergie in her underpants.

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