Confession: I’m one of those big whiny babies who blasts from three to ten when the outside temperature travels more than ten degrees beyond my comfort zone. On any given day in August, if you put your ear against my house, you will not hear the ocean. You will hear me getting out of the shower and screaming, “It’s HOT IN THIS HOUSE! I’m out of the shower and I’m SWEATING DOWN MY BACK!!! Somebody FIX THIS!!!” (I know. The current estimated world population is 6,894,765,132. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that most of those people probably don’t have residential air conditioning. My rule: We can all complain about three things in life. One of my chosen three is Torridity. I am not completely unlike Scarlett O’Hara.) ((If you’re curious, another of my chosen three is the fact that the best French onion soup is made with beef broth, and Vegetarian Me is really bummed out about that.)) (((I’ll keep the third thing to myself so I can change it desultorily.))) Fact: Today I used the word unimaginability for the first time, and I now see that it isn’t actually a word. Imaginability? Yes. Unimaginable? Yes. Unimaginability? No. And I was feeling so SMART when I said it!
Back to business. The temperature in our room at knitting camp was difficult to regulate. On two separate occasions, my friend and I had to walk to the front desk and ask how to switch the unit from Hot to Cold. (The answer? Press seventeen different buttons in the correct order to turn the Sun into a Snowflake! Obvious!) Eventually, we were able to reach our inner Mordecai Meirowitz to transform Sun to Snowflake, but it wasn’t enough. We then became ambitious and decided to figure out how to increase the intensity of the air flow.
I am pleased to report that after finding our remote control manual for the air/heating unit, we learned that the available settings were Low, Medium, High, and CHAOS. (The all-caps treatment was theirs, not mine.) CHAOS! When we took our unit to CHAOS, the room filled with butterflies, and three days later there was a tornado in Luxembourg. The End.
It’s a new giveaway!