Urine for a Surprise!

So, remember yesterday when I mentioned that something in the house smelled like urine? I noticed that the odor was stronger when I was sitting at the computer, which made me think it was something in the kitchen. Later in the afternoon, I noticed that it was pretty terrible when I was driving the car, meaning the smell was also in the car! This morning when I threw on yesterday’s jeans so I could watch the kids waiting for the bus, I noticed that the smell was pretty terrible when I was sitting on my bed putting on my shoes.

When I stepped out of my room, BOTH kids immediately put their hands over their noses.

Meredith: WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!?!

Harper: IT SMELLS LIKE DOG PEE!!!

Me: No. No! NOooooooo!

I quickly ran back into the bedroom and asked Jeff to smell my jeans.

Jeff: Holy! Um, yeah. Your jeans stink.

Yesterday I stood in the elementary school office and talked to THREE different people while exuding a bouquet of urine. I am mortified.

A few minutes ago, I went down to get clothes out of the dryer, and found that the clean (and dry) clothes ALL smell like urine!

Do you remember three years ago when my towels were stinky?! Apparently, the madness never ends.

(Please know this: There is no urine on the clothes. Neither dog has had an accident in the house in quite some time, and the cats no longer go into our bedroom, where the dirty clothes are kept. I haven’t peed in my pants since I attempted to use a Neti pot while pregnant with Meredith. Enigmatic Urine will be my next CB handle.)

((What bothers me the most is the fact that I couldn’t put two and two together to realize that I was a walking sample of pee perfume all day yesterday. I definitely detected the smell more when I was sitting down. In other words: When my NOSE was closer to my PANTS.))

One more thing: I hate when adults walk up to a pregnant woman and call her “Mommy” as in, “When is the blessing due, Mommy?” I will never NOT be creeped out by that. Similarly (not really, but I have nowhere else to put this), yesterday I was at the bank (smelling like pee) when the bank teller had to repeat herself to a customer several times. Finally, the customer said, “I think my ears are full of wax!” She was not joking. Dear Lord, Lady. I don’t know ANYONE with whom I would feel comfortable enough to blurt out ear wax confessions. (I’m still not quite over the fact that Jeff smelled my pee pants.)

And another thing: I felt fine all day yesterday. For dinner, I had a tiny bit of salmon. Within minutes, I was sneezing and all congested and I felt like I was getting a migraine. HOWEVER, within two hours I was back to normal. Jeff thinks it was environmental allergies. I think it’s time to admit that fish DO have souls and perhaps I shouldn’t be eating them. Ever. (I rarely eat them. You can’t really be a full-on vegetarian if you’re eating a fish, right?)

The new Jeffrey Eugenides book came out on Tuesday. (It was delivered to my Nook at 3:06 in the morning. I’ve been dealing with goofy insomnia lately, so I was actually awake and ON the Nook when it arrived. I dove in immediately. Serendipity.) ((Oh! Our closest independent bookstore now sells eBooks. This makes me so happy.)) What are you reading these days?

UPDATED TO ADD: I actually found the story about my Neti Pot! Here it is. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

28 thoughts on “Urine for a Surprise!”

  1. yeah, thanks, I just expelled Little Debbie Nutty Bar out of my nose… at work when I read the line about the Neti pot incident. Now I’m going to have blog about walking around work for a full day with dog poop on the side of my shoe

  2. This was just what I needed today. I did the ugly laugh while reading this. I can actually picture all of this! OMG! I’m still laughing. Thanks for the laugh this afternoon.

    I am reading (and I should be ashamed to admit this, but I’m not) “The Old Man and the Sea”, by Hemingway and I started “Middlesex” yesterday. So far, I love them both!

  3. The sad thing is that I did have a cat who loved to surprise me by marking my clothes with his scent, while I was none the wiser. I usually catch on when the scent follows me into the car, though.

  4. The pee smell could be an act of terriost. This is how it all starts. We will give them anything just to make them stop spreading the smell Don’t ya just hate it when someone says—I have to go pee–what ever happened to just plain excuse me?

  5. If I remember correctly, vegetarian that eats fish = pescatarian.

    I once heard a guy in a grocery store looking for his WIFE, by looking up the aisles and saying “Mommy?” That is some creepy stuff right there.

  6. Angela Pudding, do you have a front-loading washer?

    I do, and I was positively PLAAAAGUED by the smell of things for quite some time. I would pray for an act of God — a rogue fork of lightning, say, to stab through the roof very precisely, hitting ONLY the washing machine — so that I’d have an excuse to replace it. It just…stank. Stunk. Smelled bad. You know.

    And then some wise friend inside the computer suggested switching from the liquid detergent I was using to powder. And the problem was immediately eradicated. In a single load. Gone.

    Now my wash smells like nice things. A breezy afternoon in May. The head of a baby. It no longer smells like vomit. Well, no, I can’t say that definitively. Maybe it smells like unicorn vomit, in the nicest possible way.

    In closing, I am sorry you smelled like pee. May my avenging bolt of lightning strike your washer, too, but only if you have good insurance.

  7. I am so sorry for your unfortunate pee pants incident. I hope putting the load through one more time solves it. You are hilarious.

    We just moved and have the w/d from the sellers. They moved out of the country and the house was empty for a couple of months before closing and moving in. They left the washer closed and, apparently, wet. HOLY CRUD that was unwelcome. Mold/mildew riot in there. Talk about stench. We have to replace the formerly grey, now mottled grey, seal etc. Not the best welcome home surprise. And the best part? I had put a load in that then smelled like mold/mildew. So share any tips about getting smells out of laundry.

  8. Maybe you can only smell it if you are right up in it. So those people today probably couldn’t smell it unless they had their noses on your pants and that would just be awkward.

  9. I’m curious how you know for sure that no animals are using your house as their own gigantic pee pad. I’m not generally a cynic, but I live with a cat who pees all over our basement (brand-new carpet that cost many thousands more than the cat, who BTW, was free). I’d suggest you visit your local head shop and purchase a black light. Wait for complete darkness and fire it up. You’ll see DNA, and it can be … um … alarming.

  10. Dog pee smell. Sigh. I’m dog sitting for a former roommate who has one dog who really prefers doing her business inside rather than out (her response to being put outside is to look at you with a confused expression like “Hey, you know I’m just going to come right back in there and piddle in the corner right? So, why are we engaging in this charade?”)

    And because there’s a hole in the fence the doggies can’t be left unattended outside and they’re getting frustrated not having roaming time, while I’m irritated at having to clean up pee and poo minutes after they’ve just been out. The house always smells like mildew and dog pee and makes me a bit depressed.

    But, I dog-sit for her to remind myself that all is not necessarily sunshine and cuddles in dogland no matter how much cuteness.

  11. ACK! How awful–don’t worry–I’m sure those with whom you spoke yesterday never associated you with the odour! (look at me, getting all grammatically correct)

    At least you know the source of the stink and now you can eliminate it, right?!! Happy Friday!

  12. OH and FYI, I made cake balls with your “Little Debbie” Oatmeal thingies recipe and they were FABULOUS–don’t melt the chocolate in the microwave though–not thin enough to get a smooth finish–very delicious and simple enough to make me want to do it again.

  13. Hmmm…Since you asked, I just spent a couple hours reading magazines at the big, downtown branch of our public library. Man I love libraries…I checked out Sideways on a scooter; life and love in India, and a novel, The dry grass of August. I’ll let you know if they’re any good…Also, 27 things to Feng Shui your home. I’ll let you know how that goes too.

    Good luck with finding the source of the dog pee…I’m thinking the front loading washer comment by another Julie makes sense.

  14. I’m sure there’s some Feng Shui thingy to unpeesmell your home. Or there should be. Also, any man who calls his wife “Mommy” should be investigated. Ick. Also, (again) I want a photo of Meredith in her principal outfit – I’m thinking Linda Hunt in Kindergarten Cop….

  15. White Vinegar in the wash works for everything… that sour urine smell that is not urine, and for actual urine such as when you have a puppy who cannot hold it in… :) It is awesome…

  16. Reading: Savvy (with my son), Fall of Giants (alone)

    Laundry + new puppies = ticked off cat (at least it did in our house)

  17. Please, check your running shoes!!! I had an enigmatic pee odor that my family and I were sure was the dog sneakily relieving himself in some obscure corner of the house… It turned out to be my running shoes that would give off a horrible odor whenever they got wet. It was not even sweat that caused it – rather one of the man-made materials in the shoe. …suspicious statement “when I was sitting down putting on my shoes”. Check them!

  18. THANK YOU for buying e-books from local stores!! It is revenue that helps support the bricks-n-mortar store where I shop.
    (Disclosure: I’m 23+ years shacked up with a book sales rep, so we dig the independents.)

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