Sticks and Scones

Guy at Pet Store: It sounds like passive aggression. We offer a Good Citizen class here for dogs, and Henry might be a good candidate. Actually, I’m in training to be a trainer, and I’ll be teaching the good citizen class in July.

Me: You’re training for training?

Guy at Pet Store: Ha! Yes! They have to train ME before I can train the dogs! HA HA HA!!!

Me: If you sit and stay, do they bone you?

Guy at Pet Store: What?

Me: I mean, do they give you treats?! I HAVEN’T YET HAD PROTEIN TODAY AND I’M SO SORRY RIGHT NOW!!!

Guy: That will be $17.46.

According to the calendar, the next time you hear from me I’ll either be on vacation or I’ll be back from vacation. This morning I bought food for the pups and underwear for me, because good citizens do not chew holes in people’s underwear, and our dogs are NOT good citizens. (Yet.) I’ve also placed my new notebook (It’s my first Moleskine! Let’s plan a parade!) and my fountain pen with a few ink samples in my suitcase, and I shall now offer a huge thank you to my friend Lisa who reminded me that liquids on a plane? Not a great idea, and I would be SO ANGRY if an agent walked away with my tiny bottle of J. Herbin Lierre Sauvage, therefore: suitcase instead of carry on! (Another huge thank you goes out to Tempe for fueling my new obsession—fountain pens and fun ink. She knows me better than I know myself.) The house/dog sitters are ready. Us? Not so much.

We’re headed to Sanibel Island, where Jean Shepherd died in 1999. While there, I’m going to wear my new underpants and lazily hunt out a dessert that holds rhubarb, the girls are expecting to fill their pockets with shells, and Jeff will be anxiously looking over his shoulder for Wilfred Brimley. According to my research, Mr. Brimley has a house in Sanibel. Jeff eats Quaker Oats every single morning for breakfast. (It’s the right thing to do.)

Magic is about to happen. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

22 thoughts on “Sticks and Scones”

  1. Have a joyous time! But before you go, please wrap your ink in a few plastic baggies just in case you spring a leak. I’m sure you would not want to find your pretty ink all over your new undies.

    xo

  2. Love Sanibel Island and all those shells!!!!! Hope you all have a great time!!

  3. Sanibel….sounds absolutely lovely. That is where I want to go on my next Florida vacation. Will you bring me a sea shell?

  4. NO PROTEIN!?!?! Should you indulge in some protein powder? Flaxseed? Spinach? Supplements from a nutrition company??

  5. Since you’re headed my direction, please let me warn you…do NOT, under any circumstances, fall for the boiled peanuts trap! I’m fairly certain that they are a giant joke that Southerners play on tourists. I just can’t seem to get them to fess up to it.

  6. We’ve been to Captiva! LOVE the area! The shell museum is pretty neat- we learned all about mollusks and mussels, and the shell art is lovely.

    Also- key lime ice cream.

    And- there’s a book series by Randy Wayne White based on Sanibel Island. The first is Sanibel Flats. Beach reading!

  7. After reading dogshaming.com for several months, I have learned that eating the crotch out of Mom’s underpants is not at all unusual dog behavior. Who knew? (We have only had three dogs, none of them underwear eaters. I am soooo sheltered.)

    Have a great time!

  8. Hurrah for Sanibel! I love it. Look for Randy Wayne White, a local author and restauranteer. His restaurant is Doc Fords. Traders Restaurant is great as well. Have fun swimming and shelling.

  9. Have a wonderful vacation. How can you not? We’ll be sitting here waiting for whatever fun things you choose to share with us. When you return. Because — DON’T interrupt your blissful getaway to write something for here. Don’t. I mean it. It can wait till you are back home.

  10. Hop over to Captiva if you get the chance! Also, does Jeff have diabeetus? HAHAHAHhaha…I love Wilford Brimley!

  11. Sanibel is beautiful! Hope you all enjoy it, but one word of warning from a Southern girl—don’t forget your bug repellent–the mosquitoes are brutal!

  12. Penny- BONE YOU!!! I too am dying you are a girl after my own heart – had a terrible day – read this started to laugh and wondered if anyone else would laugh at the bone you comment!!

  13. I thought moleskin was only for feet?

    Also, I loathe the pet store dude for not screeching, ‘Yeah, they do!! C’mon, up high!!’, and raising his un-calloused hand skyward in anticipation of a righteous high five in acknowledgement of a worthy bone-related comeback. This is why I hate people.

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