Next up? Scalpel!

As I type this message to you, our mail carrier is driving around with an envelope addressed to me and inside that envelope is a hemostat. Imagine how my world will open up when I remove the hemostat from its packaging! Suddenly, when a surgeon looks at me and says “Clamp!” I can do more than stare at my shoes! I can remove a hook from a fish who has been searching the streets for a compassionate hemostat owner! I can crimp tubing on a shoddy homemade water filter! Most importantly? I can remove my nose ring when I don’t feel like wearing a nose ring. (Actually, the fish thing is the most important. I don’t want you to think that my nose opal outranks a needy fish!)

Here’s the thing. I’ve been listening to Roderick on the Line. When John Roderick expressed his fear of becoming a parody of himself (cool dad musician guy galavanting around Seattle in skinny jeans), my eyes opened wide and I looked (down and to the right) at my nose ring and then my gaze drifted down my left arm to the new tattoo and then I received an e-mail from ModCloth suggesting that I purchase some sort of Rockabilly dress and then The Decemberists shuffled on the iPod, and: Yipes. I’m 43 and so terribly unable to carry off the entire collection. Therefore: hemostat, arm warmers, and no more floopy dresses. Moderation is key. (The Decemberists can stay, mainly because I can’t get enough of January Hymn, which shuffles most often.)

I don’t think I will ever not love that song. And although several of the smartest people I know cannot read my tattoo, I don’t think I’ll ever not love it, either. AND, because I know a few of you are curious, please know that the vet shaved my cat this morning, and that is NOT a euphemism. Poor Ramona is walking around looking like she’s not wearing any pants. (I’d take a photo, but something about dignity and respect keep me from pressing the button.) The vet has assured me that people cut their cats all of the time.

Me: Not THIS person!

Vet: Believe me, it happens. She’s going to be just fine.

Me: Does someone want to give me a hug?!

Vet: What?

Me: I feel like I need to be punished and consoled all at the same time.

Ramona: Where are my pants?! ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

16 thoughts on “Next up? Scalpel!”

  1. I just came to that same conclusion the last time I went shopping at the Mall of America. There I stood in the Bettie Page store surrounded by the most adorable vintage style dresses and realized that I was just too old to pull it off. But I’m refusing to retire all of my clothes in exchange for khakis and sneakers. I’m gonna rock the heck out of my Docs this winter.

  2. You are such a darn good pet owner, Angela. Betadine & contrition are sure to fix that kitty up just fine!

    Very sad to think you have concluded you can no longer sport the floopy though.

    Looking back at the photographic record of my own younger years it occurred to me recently to wonder why, and exactly when, I had stopped wearing my hear in …(what are two pony tails at the sides of your head called — not braided — pigtails?? That doesn’t sound right)…anyway, the way I used to wear it when I was wearing full-length hippie dresses back in the day. Tried it out in the mirror. Answered the “why” part mighty darn fast, let me tell ya! (Sigh)

  3. Awww…..really? I’m 44 and I love your style (and I don’t think it looks too “young” on you. My clothing is limited (okay, self limited to some degree, but also not) by my job setting (suits, dress pants, etc.) – and my shape (how the heck did I get to be an apple? Dammit!) but when I am not at work, I definitely have added some “floopy” to the mix recently. I’m not all Forever 21, or anything, but still……

    BTW – had a nice discussion with my husband on clean eating and he was thinking in a similar direction, so we’re aligned in working on that!

    BTW2 – has there been a knitting post yet in this NABLOPOMO? There should be a knitting post sometime this month….yes?

  4. Pulling something off only applies if you’re faking something, yes? Otherwise, do you. Even if it means floopy dresses every dang day. Authenticity first. There is no right way to “dress your age.” Unless, I don’t know, you’re wearing 3T onesies on a 38 body.

    And yes, I might end up being the lady at the supermarket with hair too long and skirts too short “for my age.” I’m excited about it.

    I think, for women, there is added pressure to be appropriate as we age And I think that sentiment is misogynistic and can lead us toward self suppression or self harm. So, that’s my concern for you, and for me.

    I’ve felt that way before–at 25, when I decided to stop wearing all things Paul Frank–and looking back it seems so silly. For you, I hope you feel good about the choices you make, now and always.

  5. Well, if you ever start smoking pot, a hemostat is totally the tool for you!

    and you should rock on with your bad self and what makes you feel comfortable and good about your self.

  6. If you were 10-12 yrs older and a child of the 70s like some people I know, you would already own a pair of hemostats (which spellcheck just changed to ‘gem rats’). Standard issue if you went to Mizzou! Damn, where are mine???

  7. Do you know Kids in the Hall Canadian comedy troupe? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KF2X1o0FGA0 It’s a skit about a hip/not hip guy in his 40s. As a person in my mid forties this character crosses my mind now and then. I think it comes down to authenticity. I think as long as you feel like you, all is cool. My very fashion conscious daughter cringes every time I wear my dansko clogs, I think they go with pretty much everything, and they are so comfortable, I’m heading into the dangerous territory that boils down to, I dress for myself!

  8. If it’s wrong to want to wear flannel shirts and Doc Martens, then I don’t want to be right. Sigh… this is such unchartered territory, isn’t it? I admire you for being true to you. I wish I had the courage to get a tattoo and put a hole in my face. And, I love hearing about your daily adventures.

  9. Plans are afoot for 21-year old daughter and myself to make a road trip tomorrow for matching nose holes, followed by a a visit to a winery for a wine tasting. I’m hoping they have a lavender stone for mine – otherwise, I’ll be going for a faux diamond. We’re planning on the right side to be pierced. Is that the same as yours? It looks like the left in your photos!

  10. My mom had hemostats from nursing school that have always been floating around the house. They’re very handy to have. You never know when you’ll need to clamp something!

  11. I am 64. To balance out my LLBean plaid flannel shirt and flannel-lined jeans (hey, it’s cold in WI!) I listen to AC/DC, Black Sabbath, Metallica, and Fleet Foxes. When you get old you can do whatever you want. (I may need to add The Decembrists to my iTunes — that is a lovely song.)

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