Truth serum smells like fruity blossoms.

A few weeks back, I ordered glitter powder to apply to my cheeks for those days when I feel like being especially sparkly. (Tempe recommended it. She sparkles during the holiday season, and sometimes beyond.) Along with the powder, Sephora sent a sample of My Philosophy: Truthful eau de parfum and I don’t believe I have EVER typed eau de parfum before! Anyway, this morning I glittered up (It’s the final Monday of the month, and I’m feeling like Mariah Carey on a sane Mariah Carey day!) and decided to spray myself with Truthful.

Glitter

Shortly after The Scenting of My Neck and Wrists, I began to freak out a bit because: What if Truthful was actually scopolamine spray, and I was about to be kidnapped and interrogated by the Czechoslovak communist state security secret police? What if I was unable to control myself and suddenly I began to confess things that I’ve managed to keep hidden until now?!

Years ago, I took an ACT test for a friend (after being not-so-gently persuaded by her parents) so that she could apply to the education department of her university. She ended up getting kicked out of the university, and I ended up crying a lot and purchasing The Dance of Anger.

When I worked at the ice cream store as a teenager, I once took money from our Salvation Army jar to pay for a pizza. Because of my lingering guilt, I nearly always give money to the Salvation Army bell ringers, even though I don’t always agree with the Salvation Army. (I’ve reimbursed them for my pizza several times over.)

One of the main things that Oprah taught me is to drink enough water so that all pee is clear. Because of that one Oprah episode, clear pee is always one of my goals. (Similarly, I strive to always have exact change plus two dollars for a tip when buying frozen yogurt.)

I took an African American History course in college, and a friend of mine wrote my final paper as a 20th birthday gift so I could go out and see a movie with my best friend. He got an A. (My grade was already strong. He didn’t need an A. Yes. I still feel guilty.)

I used to control my weight with Slim Fast and laxatives, and I would never recommend that ride to anyone. Ever.

I once worked in an office supply store at the mall. I was in charge of the scissors display. When the owner’s husband called me at home to tell me that he was getting ready to take a shower and wanted to hear my voice, I quit my job and reported him to the police. I then found out that he had been harassing other employees at the store, too, and my call was the call that finally got him banned from the mall. (That was my first and final job where I was required to wear a skirt and/or work with scissors. Wait. I worked with scissors at the yarn store. But the skirt thing? Yes. That.)

Now that you know everything, let’s close NaBloPoMo out with one of my favorite songs. (Thank you for sticking with me.)

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14 thoughts on “Truth serum smells like fruity blossoms.”

  1. Someone’s PARENTS persuaded you to fill in for their kid? What is the world coming to??!!!

    Job well done on NoMoBlahPo, Angie. Here’s to a festive holiday season — and stress-free without blog posts hanging over your head. I’m already looking forward to next November :-)

  2. Somehow, I feel like this post was an ode to Sinéad O’Connor. After waking up some 17 hours ago and reading about her the very first thing before both my eyes were open, I feel like she would’ve normally been sparkly had she not been so truthful yesterday. You brought me out of my sadness for her (she’s been on my mind all day) just as I’m about to close my eyes for the evening. Truthfully, this was serendipitous. <3

  3. I must confess that I am dying to know who you took the ACT for! I’m going to try and persuade that name into my email, because Key West is about as far away from the world of Windsor as you get, and I’m amazing at keeping such secrets. OK…I’m jumping in the corner to hide in shame of the fact that I really want to know who that was.

  4. Um, gee. What prompted that?
    And I also have been delighted that you blogged so much. Will miss it when you slow down.

  5. I just have to tell you (again), I love your writing! It’s been great to see your posts everyday, I am sad NaBloPoMo is over….

  6. I thought I had you figured out (silly me), 71, almost 72, why should I think I could have gotten so smart. You are amazing.

  7. Almost all the women I know have a pig somewhere in their work history.

    I hate that for us.

    But I love it that you reported yours.

  8. It was a wonderful month, but I bet you heaved a big sigh of relief this morning. Loved every day of it!!!

  9. What a delightful bunch of things to confess! Really. Stop and think for a minute what the things are that fill you with guilt. Hard-core ne’er-do-wells would just snicker at your list. It’s an indication of what a good person you are that you fret after all these years about your “youthful transgressions.”

    One of the things is even something you didn’t do — it’s a report about a scumbag that you had nothing to do with. Yes, pharmgirl is correct that we all have a pig in our work history, and those of us who are much older have more than one of them. It’s sad that we have to teach our daughters how to recognize it and deal with it, but such is life.

    Thank you for November. It was lovely.

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