Man, I’m telling you, it’s a lapazoo.

At approximately 4:37 this morning, I noticed that the toilet was no longer flushing and that the failure to flush resulted from the stopper no longer being connected to the up-down thinger dinger that is normally activated by the external flush lever. I got really pissed about it, but three hours later I drove in the rain past a car that had caught fire on the highway. THAT guy is having a rough day. I can fix a toilet. (I think.)

Unrelated but similarly frightening: Some guy overdosed on heroin close to our old shaved ice place yesterday and drove into a mom and dad who were pushing their two year old in a stroller. The toddler flew something like ten feet, but will be fine. (The weird thing? As Heroin Guy drove over the family, I was ten miles west eating a shaved ice at our NEW shaved ice place. It opened less than a month ago, and my current favorite is a mixture of blueberry muffin and cream soda. The blueberry muffin actually tastes like blueberry muffins!) 

I can fix a toilet.

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After taking the girls to school, I drove to my haircut place. (While driving, I noticed that the inside of my car smelled like opening a musty board game in the 70s. Nostalgia.) The woman who cuts my hair is smart and funny and talented and I CAN FIX A TOILET! I CAN! (I think I just need a replacement flapper, and the only reason I know Flapper is because I just Googled toilet parts. Also, the hairstyle I’m shooting for could almost be referred to as a flapper cut. I’ve never touched a dolphin, but I want to. (If I had a dolphin for a pet, I would name him (or her) Flapper.))

UPDATED TO ADD: I fixed a toilet. It took less than two minutes, but I’ll be all high from it for the rest of the day because that’s what trying new things will do for you. We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams!

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11 thoughts on “Man, I’m telling you, it’s a lapazoo.”

  1. I am the designated flapper fixer in our house. I have claimed this duty because it makes me feel WILDLY competent!

  2. I too can fix a toilet! I once fixed a GREEK toilet, for which I had to climb into the CEILING where the tank was stored (to flush you had to pull a string that went through a tiny ceiling hole, the string broke). I have never been more proud of myself than that day.

  3. Okay, Marianne beats me. I was going to brag that I recently replaced the entire valve system and the flappers in two toilets. I am also the designated fixer-upper for most things around the house (I’m better at it and also I LIKE it). In return, I get back rubs and foot rubs and he takes care of mouse problems. I consider myself the winner in this scenario.

    I am very, very happy that you’ve found out you can fix a toilet. Empowering, isn’t it?

    1. The dad suffered a broken leg, but the mom and baby are doing well physically. I’m really hoping the guy who overdosed gets the help he needs.

  4. Anytime I feel like doing marketing for obscure enterprise software is slightly dull, I think about being the copywriter for the Korky toilet flapper packaging and feel better about my lot in life.

  5. I have replaced many a flapper in my day. It made me feel as if I could take on the world! I’m also able to replace the thermostat and heating element on the water heater. Maybe we should start a handy gal business?

    Have you been up since 4:37 am?

  6. I own a plumbing company and just typed an invoice for $96, to replace a flapper in someone’s toilet. You just saved a bunch of money. Buy yourself something nice.

  7. An old friend once told me that she could do anything – she just hadn’t tried to do a lot of things – YET.

    All hail the Flapper Fixer!

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