My trapezius is sleazius!

I just received an e-mail invitation to participate in a summer toe ring event and does no one understand me anymore? I’ve been in a bit of a funk over the past few weeks and I’m sure some of it has to do with Meredith being 185 miles away for eight more nights. (13 down. 8 to go. She is loving every minute of camp, yet the house feels a bit unbalanced without her here.) She texts every night at 10:00, and I’m always laughing by 10:03.


I had forgotten about the existence of cottage cheese until yesterday morning.

While taking piano lessons, the C7 chord was always my favorite. Imagine my delight when I was told that I have a bit of an issue with the C7 nerve in my neck!

Physical Therapist: I think all of your issues are leading straight to the C7.

Me: But I LOVE the C7! The song Coconut by Harry Nilsson is nothing but a C7!

Physical Therapist: Okay! Also, your left shoulder is very depressed.

Me (whispering): I’ve noticed that she hasn’t been been enjoying the things she used to really love. I’ve encouraged her to journal.

Physical Therapist: I don’t mean like that.

I talk too much when I’m nervous and I tend to crack wise at inappropriate times. I laughed at my grandma’s funeral and I’m still feeling weird about it.

I could tell you a story about Graham Cracker the cat, but the story contains the words “I woke up to him vomiting next to the bed” and “it was filled with live worms” and “they looked like flailing spaghetti noodles.” Please know that he’s fine now, yet I’m still a bit scarred.


Meanwhile, we’re thinking Chocolate Chip needs to eat less and move more.


Wait. I really *do* have big news. Do you see the jacket I’m wearing in this CrazySexyCool public bathroom selfie?


I’ve worn this jacket nearly every day for the past two years (I’m not exaggerating. It was 100 degrees two days ago, and I wore the jacket.) and now it’s getting frayed and dingy and earlier this week I pulled on a thread and I heard something that sounded a lot like Defeat. This jacket has been with me at some pretty decent times and the thought of removing it and releasing it to the kidney people was really upsetting my already depressed shoulder.

All of this buildup to say: I found a (hoodless, but acceptable because I can’t have everything) replacement jacket, and I know I wear the hell out of my jackets so I purchased a grey one AND a black one. (I’m getting to know myself very well. Making good choices. Boiling and peeling eggs ahead of time so that I can have one when I’m ready. I smell like lemon, lime, orange, Peru balsam, and ylang ylang which means everyone around me feels delighted and inspired.) I will not be releasing the original jacket to the kidney people. Instead, I may Pinterest it into a memory box creation with David Sedaris ticket stubs and perhaps a book of quirky short stories cleverly (and lovingly) stitched into the pockets. (Cleverly. And lovingly.) I’ll sit the jacket next to a mason jar that has battery-operated Christmas lights in it, because I think that’s what you’re supposed to do. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

9 thoughts on “My trapezius is sleazius!”

  1. I memorized all the muscles in the body during my college anatomy class by turning them into a song. To this day I still remember sternocleidomastoid to the beat of a Congo line.

    I hope your shoulder finds it’s happy place soon!

  2. 1. My left should is angry. I don’t know why.
    2. We thought our new dog, 5-yo bundle of rescued love, needed to eat less and move more. Then DH brushed her. She looks much thinner now.
    3. “Live worms in the vomit” is a line I kinda hoped that I would never read. But now I have and I’m still upright so it’s okay.

  3. Who are kidney people?! They sound like something out of the movie “Poltergeist.” :-|

    Also?? Where exactly can I get a mason jar that has battery-operated Christmas lights in it?!

  4. once i was cat sitting for my upstairs neighbor and a live worm crawled out the cat’s butt and fell onto the coffee table

    elliot went to camp for a week this summer – there is no balance when one of the house is away – but i know it is really good for all of us and he will go again and it will be peachy

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