With my feet in the air and my head on the ground…

Do you know what sucks? A lot of things. (Raisins, taking down Christmas decorations, gas prices, the death of Betty White…) ((I know. It’s just that I want this post to stay current throughout the rest of time.))

Now that I have you here, I want to talk about my brain, because it’s another thing that sucks. I used to consider myself smart. Witty. Able to learn things quickly. Someone who can drive a car while listening to a book. Lately, though? I’ve been messing up.

  1. I checked out The Breakfast Club at the library on Thursday night, and when we all sat down to watch it on Friday, we found that I hadn’t unlocked the box before leaving the library.
  2. I tried to print out some Amazon gift cards yesterday. The computer kept telling me that the printer was offline. I muttered a few damnits and a few shits and I stomped around a bit and hit several buttons before Jeff noticed that the printer wasn’t plugged in. (I did NOT retract my damnits and shits. Sometimes you just have to let them float.)
  3. If I want to use the DVD player, I hit a bunch of random things on the remote and pray that magic happens. There have been times that I’ve given up on watching a DVD just because I couldn’t turn the thing on and life is hard.
  4. Last week I tried to say something really passionate about Dayton (Imagine!) and I accidentally yelled Denver and suddenly I disqualified myself from the conversation.
  5. More than once in the past three months I’ve said, “Hey! I’ll bring you some lentils!” and then I packed up some lentils and put them on the counter and walked out to the car and drove away without the lentils.
  6. Let’s take a break from this list for a second because I bought a shirt that I love and here it is. It is shipping from China and I think my order squeaked by right before the escalation of the trade wars. When the shirt arrives, I plan on showing it a very good time that may or may not include some Lebanese nachos. I also bought this because sometimes I want to look like my legs are coming out of a tulip.
  7. I will often say things like, “Put the soda back in the dishwasher.” When a cartoon animal is dressed up like another animal I can never tell what part is the animal and what part is the costume. I have no idea how to go to my sister’s house, and I’ve been there multiple times.
  8. Twice today I did something on Facebook that made me look like an idiot. Yesterday I typed IF instead of OF on a Facebook post and it sat there for over an hour without being fixed and I’M SUPPOSED TO BE AN EDITOR. I used to poke fun (in a very sensitive way, obviously) of people who made the same mistakes that I’m now making.

Because I really should balance discouraging with good: Here is a good thing that I did.


I bought some alphabet fabric and a pattern last week and now a dress exists where before there was none. And I actually like it, which is unusual.

(Here is the pattern photo and the fabric. It’s Simplicity 6340. I’m on the fence about the pockets.)


Finally, I would show you our annual Easter family photo, but Meredith was flashing a gang sign and I don’t want her to end up on a list somewhere. (You might think I’m kidding.) Instead, here is the photo from 2010.

Annual Pudding Easter Photo

Please don’t talk to me about hormones and aging and crossword puzzles. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

11 thoughts on “With my feet in the air and my head on the ground…”

  1. Ok what is that brain thing (Dayton/Denver) where it starts with the same letter but the wrong word comes out?! That happens to me too! More when I’m tired I think but sometimes I worry……..

  2. It’s just beginning. :) But nice that your falling from superhero to mere mortal. Welcome.

  3. Dangit. I’ve been doing a daily crossword puzzle, but I’m not supposed to talk about that here . . . and yet: I’m so panicked about losing my brain that I’m doing a daily crossword puzzle, and it’s mortifying because it’s super easy and reuses the same words day after day *and* is at aarp.com — sometimes I just stare blankly at it while one tear gently rolls down my cheek.

  4. That dress definitely needs pockets. (Everyone needs pockets.) Just not necessarily the ones in the photo. And I have cursed the printer I use at my tax-prep volunteering stints, only to have the [strongly Republican][and therefore eternally grouchy] other reviewer remind me that said printer has to be attached to my computer in order for any of the magic to happen. Just keep telling yourself: Any day above ground is a good one. (Being completely sane and lucid is definitely overrated.)

    * You would not believe how many typos I had to correct in this comment. Let’s just say it was less than infinite but not a lot less.

  5. Blame typos on your brain working faster than your fingers. I’ve had similar things lately and it was pointed out that there’s been some poor sleep going on, which oddly, impacts waking hours…so maybe you’re just not getting enough (or quality) sleep. Then again, maybe it’s those crosswords you don’t want us bringing up…by the way, I like your version of the dress better than the pattern photo. Pockets are wonderful but the ones on the pattern do nothing for the dress. Bet you can come up with a better pocket.

  6. Comforting words to read, types the woman who, just last week inadverdently stole a box of Kliban Cat stationary from the sculpture garden gift shop that she wandered into after spacing out in the butterfly rainforest exhibit as a self comforting measure following a 2 and a 1/2 hour occlusional adjustment appointment with the expensive out-of-network dentist whose office she still had trouble finding even though this was her 6th time going there. Also, it’s taken me awhile to figure out that I don’t have to tell the nice volunteer ladies that I walked out of the shop without realizing I still had the stationary in hand, under an artist’s brochure and didn’t notice it until I glanced over at the passenger seat in the grocery store parking lot. I can just sneak it back in and put it on the shelf. I still haven’t done this, mind you, but I will. Even though the membership rates have risen exponentially and you don’t get to substitute a friend for your spouse anymore and keeping the Kliban Cat Stationary might be seen somewhat understandably as, “sticking it to the man”.
    This entire comment is loopy but I do agree with Lisa and KmKat that different pockets would be better. Also, I’m pretty sure no one appreciates Kliban and his cats as much as I do anymore but that doesn’t justify petty theft even when it’s accidental.

  7. Salty hot grapes. It sounds so awful that this is my new swear phrase. I can’t remember my left from right, which is a problem when teaching yoga.

    That dress is brilliant!


    Something I yelled at my husband when we were discussing the geography once and he made me feel dumb. Yelling this did not make me feel any smarter.

  9. Girl, I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. (Also I’m reading this while seated at the gate, actually waiting for my flight to Dayton. What’re the odds??)

  10. Relevant to #5: You are about the same age I was when I set off in a frenzy of agitation about ALL the things we had to do that day, and how late the kids were getting ready to drop the dog off at the vet before ALL the other things we had to do…and forgot to take the dog.

    You still have a few good years left.

  11. Dayton-related passion died with the Wright brothers. You’re fine. And anyhoodle, bringing up Denver was doing those people a favor. It also makes you sound hip, until you encourage them to go for the legal grass/dope/Mary Jane.

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