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Why I May Not Be Eligible for Supreme Court Justicehood, Part 1

October 8th, 2018 · 3 Comments · Daily

1. A few months back, I accidentally squirted this into my daughter’s eye, and then I laughed so hard that I doubled over and did the loud wheezy thing I tend to do when something kills me figuratively.

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2. Last year, someone taught me how to throw a gang sign, and then my sister took a photograph. I am NOT in a gang, but that doesn’t change the fact that this photo exists, and that I clearly am not upset to be spelling “blood” with my fingers.

3. I own glitter pants, and I’ve never been to law school.

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4. I once took the ACT for someone after being bribed with an amazing week in New York. Because I scored noticeably higher than her previous attempts, she was kicked out of the university and I stress-drank a stout while underage.

5. I made out with Harry S. Truman while I was on my honeymoon.

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6. I’m not always Angela. Sometimes I’m Zach the Bearded Dorito-Breathed Paranoid Poet.

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7. I looked at the sun during the eclipse.

8. I love Jesus and I dig his birthday, but I toyed with the idea of making this our Christmas card last year.

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9. I can’t control myself during meetings, and it may be because my anxiety meds need an adjustment. Notice how I said anxiety MEDS. That’s right. Plural.

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10. I gave my daughter these socks.

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11. So many skeletons in my closet. And I’m not afraid to make out with them.

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3 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Jen // Oct 8, 2018 at 6:10 pm

    Number 10 once again proves that you are indeed the coolest Mom that came out of our high school…if not the coolest mom EVER.

  • 2 gingermog // Oct 10, 2018 at 6:43 am

    The world needs more people to wear glitter pants and pom poms!

    I love those socks, you are the coolest mom. Personally I have never squirted hemp oil into anyone’s eye but at Uni I did manage a master shot of juice into my neighbours whilst I was peeling an orange.

  • 3 Crazy Mom // Oct 10, 2018 at 11:32 am

    I want those socks.

    I’ve thought lots of weird things during church meetings, especially at my old conservative church. Things are better now that I’m at a church where we love EVERYONE.