1. A few months back, I accidentally squirted this into my daughter’s eye, and then I laughed so hard that I doubled over and did the loud wheezy thing I tend to do when something kills me figuratively.
2. I own glitter pants, and I’ve never been to law school.
3. I once took the ACT for someone after being bribed with an amazing week in New York. Because I scored noticeably higher than her previous attempts, she was kicked out of the university and I stress-drank a stout while underage.
4. I made out with Harry S. Truman while I was on my honeymoon.
5. I’m not always Angela. Sometimes I’m Zach the Bearded Dorito-Breathed Paranoid Poet.
6. I looked at the sun during the eclipse.
7. I love Jesus and I dig his birthday, but I toyed with the idea of making this our Christmas card last year.
8. I can’t control myself during meetings, and it may be because my anxiety meds need an adjustment. Notice how I said anxiety MEDS. That’s right. Plural.
9. I gave my daughter these socks.
10. So many skeletons in my closet. And I’m not afraid to make out with them.