Ending the Year on a High Note

Today was the last day of this particular school year. As I’ve mentioned in the past, every morning I drive Meredith to school, and every morning the coach gets her out of the car with a smile and a “Good morning, Meredith!” (This is the coach involved in the Great Hat Drama of January 2010. But let’s not talk about that.) This morning we happened to arrive at school before the coach came out to retrieve kids from their cars. As we sat and listened to Justin Bieber (Yep. Let’s not talk about that, either.), Coach exited the building (always so cheerful!) and started opening car doors for kids. When we got a bit closer, I noticed that he was carrying a note in his hand.

Me (simply killing time as we waited our turn in the circle): Hey! Coach has a note in his hand! I wonder what it says.

Meredith: It probably says, “Christmas is coming, and I need to buy a present for Meredith.”

Me: Excellent. I hope he gets a present for me, too!

Harper: I know exactly what that note says.

Me: What does it say?

Harper: It says, “Don’t forget to take off your underpants right now.”

Me: That’s not what it says. Do you realize how inappropriate that is?

Harper: I do. Let me try again. I bet it says, “Take off your PANTS right now.”

Me: Interesting. Who do you think the note is for?!

Coach (opening the door and hopefully not noticing my perky eyebrows): Good morning, Meredith!!!

(Apparently, it wasn’t for me.)
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Some apples barely fall from the tree.

Meredith’s elementary school is hosting their annual field day on Monday.

If I understand the process correctly, during the field day each child chooses a few events in which to participate. Events include activities like baton relay races, distance jumping, potato sack scrambles, bean bag tosses, et cetera. (Jeff has taken a half day of vacation so he can help out with something that I believe involves vulcanized rubber tires, raw sweet potatoes, and a baby manatee. The details are a bit fuzzy to me.)

Me: Meredith, are you excited about the field day?

Meredith: I’m VERY excited about the field day!

Me: Have you chosen your events?

Meredith: I’ve chosen one event that I’m very good at.

Me: Excellent! What is it?

Meredith: It’s called Snack Bar.

Me: How do you play Snack Bar?

Meredith: It’s easy! You go there and you POLITELY ask for a popsicle or some water, and I’ve heard they might even have crackers this year!

(If you need to write a report on Behavioral Genetics, Meredith and I will meet you for popsicles.)
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The photos serve as antihypertension vehicles.

So, I’ve got this happening on my front porch.
...is a rose is a rose is a rose, et cetera

And I’ve got this happening twice each week.
Karate Kid

I started my summer project.
Vernal Equinox, Clue Two
(It will eventually look like this.)

And yesterday I made a blackberry cobbler. (It didn’t last long enough for photographs.)

Seven more days of school.

Only seven more days of school.
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I’ll kick your can!

So, Thursday evening found us Jeffless and without kitty litter. (Jeff was in New York. The litter was doing what litter tends to do, which is Clumping.)

After calling four different stores, we (meaning I) finally found a place that carries our (meaning My) favorite litter, and that litter is called Scoop Away!

Pet Store Lady at Register (P-SLAR): Ah ha! Did you just call here about Scoop Away!?

Me: That was me! I couldn’t remember where I bought it last time, and I didn’t want to settle for Tidy Cats.

P-SLAR: You should NEVER settle for Tidy Cats! Scoop Away! is the only litter I use. I HAVE SIX CATS!!!

Me: I have only two cats, but you’re totally preaching to the choir. We’ve tried just about every brand out there, and Scoop Away! is the only thing that really clumps and—

P-SLAR: AND DOESN’T TASTE LIKE PISS AND PERFUME!

Me: What?!

P-SLAR: If you’ve tried everything out there, you know exactly what I’m talking about!

Okay, people. I know she probably meant to say “doesn’t SMELL like piss and perfume,” but the fact remains that I’m 40 years old (see how I’m throwing that around now?!) and I really have no idea what contaminated litter tastes like. And I realize that I will probably die NOT knowing what it tastes like (my best guess really would have been Piss and Perfume), but that doesn’t change the notion that there are SO many things of which I have absolutely zero knowledge! I really need to start attacking with a bit more energy, because what if I die before I realize an undiscovered passion?! (Feta cheese and chocolate chips stirred together? Surprisingly good! Also, I’m a big fan of the Hooey Stick! Knowledge is Power!)

Goal For the Day: Say No when Yes feels like too much of a compromise, and say Yes when it’s more adventuresome than No!

Even Better Goal for the Day: Pulled Smoked Pork Sliders!

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I call you on the telephone, but you’re never home.

Last night Jeff presented me with a birthday gift.

For the first time ever, we now have Caller ID and Call Waiting.

I’m a terrible (TERRIBLE) phone person, which is odd when you consider that two of my very first jobs involved lots of telephone action. (While in college I was one of those people who called you during dinner to ask if you were interested in having Olan Mills take portraits of your family. I was oddly successful with that job, but the only real memory I took away from it was when my co-worker presented me with a six-pack of Fat Tire and a cassingle of “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston. (She was paying me back for the bread sticks I often bought for her during our breaks. She was broke, and NOT very successful with the Olan Mills gig.) When I returned home that night, five people (3 roommates and 2 friends) were scheming in the living room. We quickly divided up the beer and listened to the cassette one time. ONE TIME.) (Please know that if you live in a house where Rage Against the Machine holds a permanent spot in the CD changer, Whitney Houston is definitely not invited to stay for very long. Also, please know that I rescued Whitney from the trash that night and kept her hidden in my car for those times when I found myself hoping that life treated you kind and that you have all you dreamed of. (I also wished you joy and happiness, but above all this, I wished you love.))

(Sometime I’ll tell you all about my roommates and how we once ate an entire turkey (minus the innards) with our bare hands (on the roof of our house!) to ring in the new year. Wonderfully stinking cretins we were!)

What were we talking about? Phone jobs! The second phone job I had (that’s starting to sound dirty, isn’t it?) involved fighting unemployment claims made by people who were fired from their jobs for misconduct. In other words, I can tell you (off the record, of course) entirely too many stories of Denny’s employees who actually DID pee into the coffee and movie theater employees who were found with their pants down when their pants should have been up (and fastened). Urban Legends Revealed!

So, anyway. Up until now, I either answered the phone or I didn’t, and whoever (whomever? I can never get it down.) was calling either left a message on our machine or they didn’t. It was all so serendipitous and twirly! But now that has changed, because I KNOW it’s you (if I actually get up and look at the phone) and there are four people I do not wish to talk to right now (five, if you count the owner of a local Roly Poly whose employees took me to a level of anger yesterday that led me to type a terribly mean e-mail that I later regretted sending. Oomph.), and those four people currently think that I’m never home, but now they know that I KNOW. (And I  know they know I know et cetera!)

And this adds a whole new flavor to the mix: I just now received a call, and the caller ID thing said ADA. Could it be the American Dental Association (I have a dental appointment on Monday!) or perhaps the American Dietetic Association (Just this morning I was thinking about nutrition, and there is no such thing as a coincidence!)? Because curiosity always kills me, I picked up the phone. It was the American Diabetes Association, and they were thanking me for my contributions and wanting to know if I could send letters out to everyone in my neighborhood. When I told them that I was really strapped for time in the coming weeks, they tried to talk me into finding extra time in my schedule. (Believe me, I’ve looked for extra time! Unlike the Whitney Houston cassingle, it’s nowhere to be found!) When I reached the point where I could feel my voice shaking, I finally hung up on them. And now I’m feeling an unpleasant blend of Guilt and ShouldHaveSaid.

The mailman just delivered, and I’m steaming potatoes covered in dill. (And because of my poor sentence structure, you’ll never know if it’s me or the potatoes covered in dill. Use your imagination.) Harper is taking her first karate class, and Meredith has finished two of her homework pages.

Most importantly, I now own three different types of basil plants. It’s the beginning of an excellent summer.
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Confession: I got a lump when reading it out loud. A good lump.

The Sun Shines for Me

When I see a flock of birds in the sky
When I hear my cat meow when she’s happy
When I taste cinnamon buns with lots of icing on top
When I am able to make my mom smile
When I am with my stuffed dog Madison
When I go to the doughnut shop and eat doughnuts
Then the sun shines for me.

By Meredith

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Your favorite color is orange?! So is MINE!!!!!!!

I’m happy to announce that Meredith celebrated her birthday with TWO friends at Build-a-Bear yesterday. (The dramatic set-up is here.) Long story shortened: After I gave up on Mom #2, I left a message for Mom #3. Less than 20 minutes later, Mom #2 called and we set up a plan. Shortly after we hung up, Mom #3 called, and we set up the same plan. (Let’s never speak of this again, shall we? So much completely unnecessary drama! (As most mom drama of this nature is, I suppose.))

Most importantly, both girls were absolutely delightful.

Gabby: Mrs. Pudding, I think we have a lot in common. Do you like to shop at Target?

Me: I do!

Gabby: I DO TOO!!!!!!

Josie: When I was in kindergarten we had Show and Tell every Friday. When they moved me up to first grade, I found out that we don’t have Show and Tell any more. And that’s disappointing. BUT, my dad is down at the book fair, and if he can find Where the Red Fern Grows, I won’t be disappointed any more.

Meredith: I was going to build a bunny today, but when I saw the pony,  my heart melted right down into my lungs!

So, anyway. All is well. AND this week will find me attending my first PTO meeting, rushing to a dentist appointment at 7:00 in the morning, and visiting with Bossy at Bailey’s Chocolate Bar. It doesn’t get much better than that.
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