When I was a kid, I used to spend a lot of time wondering if everyone saw orange the way *I* see orange. I can look at orange and call it orange, but is my orange your orange? (You call it orange, also, because that’s all you’ve ever known as orange, but what if your [...]

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To celebrate the first day of school, I always make graham cracker sandwiches with chocolate icing for the girls. To celebrate the final day of school, we tend to go out for frozen yogurt. On Christmas morning, I get up at 5:00, make coffee, and watch the yule log on television until everyone else wakes [...]

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I tend to wince when I hear people puking out garbage about needing to take a vacation after their vacation. Similarly, if you ever tell me that you don’t do Mondays, we can still be friends, but we will never be Friends. Don’t ever say anything to me about a fish needing a bicycle. We’re [...]

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At approximately 8:30 in the morning on Friday, July 13th, I ended a 42 year run of being able to say, “No! I’ve never been stung by a hornet!” I was outside watering my tomatoes and roses and when I went to return the hose to its rightful place, I felt something on my left [...]

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If I’m singing a song about clipper burn, don’t start tossing in lines about anal gland expression. Don’t ever ask me if I want that bagel for free. Of course I want that bagel for free. Free bagel! If my nose is infected again, I’m not just going to tell you that it’s infected. I’m [...]

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Although I’m a bit disappointed in myself for turning Fluid Pudding into a weekly thing, I believe it’s fair to blame my silence on the uneventful summer. The writing on yesterday’s calendar space says “library, store, piano, knives.” Today is “coffee/knitting, root beer.” Tomorrow? “Henry Express Groom! FroYo?” (Actually, that one is pretty exciting. Because [...]

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The day is only half over, and the following things have happened: 1. I was trapped in my garage when a stranger’s truck broke down in my driveway. 2. I met a friend for coffee and knitting. 3. We got a pool for the puppies! 4. Harper said, “I think the middle finger is the [...]

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