Ballad of the Unhappy Hummingbird

Last summer my lovely neighbor presented me with a hummingbird feeder. I made the sugar water, I hung the feeder on the hook, and the hummingbirds flocked.

A few weeks ago I pulled out the feeder. I made the sugar water, I hung the feeder on the hook, and nothing.

This morning I watched a hummingbird approach the feeder, hover for a bit, and then flit away without imbibing. I could swear I heard a very high pitched, “That place SUCKED!” as his shadow grew longer. Everyone has 24 hours in their day. I tend to sleep for about eight and a half of those, meaning I have about fifteen and a half active hours with which to work. (I use the word Active and Work pretty loosely.) I absolutely hate that I’m going to have to use some of that time to try and figure out why my hummingbirds are so angry and/or anorexic.

Hey, look! I made a skein of yarn!

Clinically In Skein

The wool was dyed by Tempe and sloppily spun by me. (Lots of thick and thin spots, yet I’m pretty happy with the final result.) After finishing it up and thwacking it against the wall a few times, I became overly confident. I pulled out some merino fiber and decided to spin four ounces of lace weight. Last night found me cutting the first ounce off of my bobbin with scissors after it repeatedly broke and unwound. I’ve now ordered a used copy of The Intentional Spinner and am hoping to not lose heart too quickly.

Let’s see. What else? Scout has lost her four bottom front teeth, and it’s so adorable I could cry.

I’m getting my tubes tied the good old fashioned way on August 19th. I finally grew tired of researching all of these new-fangled permanent birth control methods and their side effects and just said, “Forget it! Let’s tie them!” The Catholic hospital where I was originally scheduled to have the Adiana procedure performed told me that they don’t want no stinkin’ tube tying going on in their operating room. The Baptist hospital said, “Us! Come to us! We’ll happily tie your tubes!” And there you go. This paragraph has absolutely nothing to do with Catholics versus Baptists, by the way. Believe it or not, I love them both equally. We’re more alike than we are different.

Cake Ball Update: I’ve baked two cakes and balled 63 cake balls. So far so good. (It was sort of a fishes and loaves moment in that one cake normally yields about 50 tablespoon-sized balls. For whatever reason, my first cake gave me 63 instead of 50. I used the same mix/icing combination and I used the same scoop. Clearly, I’ve just experienced a miracle. If any of the wedding guests bite into a cake ball and see the profile of Jesus, I really won’t be surprised.) This paragraph has nothing to do with Catholics versus Baptists, by the way.

The girls have been loving Vacation Bible School this week. (This paragraph has nothing to do with, oh, nevermind.) Next week is our trip to the American Girl Store. (Yes. That’s what I said.) A few weeks later is College for Kids, and then it’s time to think about school. (We’ve already purchased our school supplies. The summer, it flies. And we haven’t even gone for snow cones yet!) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Balls, Jack White, and Presidential Pizza

It’s a very exciting week in The Pudding Kitchen. This is the week that will find me mixing, baking, crumbling, blending, balling, dipping, and decorating until I have made two hundred cake balls. Two hundred cake balls that I will then transport to a reception hall for a wedding! I’ve always thought that the whole “Do what you love and the money will follow.” thing was a load of crap, but I’ve now managed to make it work more than once!

(I refuse to make a joke about Jeff being what I love. (“Do what you love.” Get it?! Raunchy!) Hrm. I *do* have more than one person in my life who believes I do nothing but spend Jeff’s money! Whee! My shoes are too nice! Back to the cake balls! 200! The average gestation of a whitetail deer is 200 days! I’m making a cake ball to represent each of those days! Venezuela just celebrated 200 years of independence! My cake balls are metaphorical!)

White cake. White icing. Blue dipping chips. 50 with white stripes and rose pearls. 50 with rose stripes and rose pearls. 50 with white AND rose stripes! 50 of I don’t know yet but it will incorporate sparkles and either the rose or the white stripes! Jack White! (But also, Catholic Throwdown with Colbert! It’s not safe for work! NKOTB!)

You might ask yourself how one prepares to put together 200 cake balls in a kitchen that’s roughly the size of a Toyota Camry. Well, I prepare by meeting one of Meredith’s friends and her mom for gluten-free pizza at Pi! If it’s good enough for President Obama, it’s good enough for me. Thus it is, and so we go. Enjoy your Monday. ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Love that’s only slightly soiled. Love for Sale.

Scene: I’m in the shower. The girls are on their own with the puppy. The cats are downstairs plotting.

Meredith: Mommy! MOMMY!!!

Me: What? WHAT?!

Meredith: Scout just pooped on her piddle pad and it looks like popcorn!

Me: Okay! I’ll take care of it when I get out!

Meredith: You don’t understand! I think she’s trying to tell us that she wants to go to the movies!!!

It’s Migraine Week at Fluid Pudding! I’ve been able to keep it at bay for the past two days, and as I rest and take pills, the girls have been downstairs planning a garage sale. They’ve created a To Donate stack and a To Sell stack. If you want to buy our plastic baby slide you have to pay Harper eighty dollars, although it’s probably not worth more than three.

Harper: We have to charge a lot of money so people know just how important this stuff IS to us.

Me: If it’s that important, maybe we shouldn’t sell it!

Meredith: But we need money. Mommy, you should think about selling some of your jewelry—like those earrings you were wearing yesterday.

I’ll keep you updated on our garage sale. If all goes according to the girls’ plan, we’ll be selling all of our valuables for lots and lots of money.

Shirtless spinning is not allowed in most establishments.

“Spinning wheel?! What kind of cockamamie Walton Family marathon are you running over there, Pudding?!” Let me explain. A dear friend of mine got a spinning wheel several months ago. I felt a slight urge to learn how to spin, but knew that I needed to start slow. With a drop spindle. And then I never bought a drop spindle, because that’s how I operate.

When I went to Camp KIP back in April, my friend from Las Vegas actually presented me with the spindle SHE learned on along with some fiber. (This is how addictions get started. Don’t EVER give me some free cocaine and tell me that it’s the same brand of cocaine with which YOU got hooked.) ((I have no idea if there are brands of cocaine. Trader Joe’s does not sell cocaine.)) (((Clarification: I am not in the market for cocaine.)))

With the arrival of my 93rd birthday in May, my dear friend with the wheel presented me with a Turkish drop spindle and a bunch of fiber. Shortly thereafter, I joined her and another spinning friend for a raw vegan meal and some yarn admiration. The fever began to rise.

Last week I received an e-mail from my lovely Vegas friend telling me that June was a special month for the wheel I had been wanting, because if you order one, matching jumbo flyers are being either given away or sold at a huge discount! And, yes! This is sort of like saying, “W porz?dku, dzi?kuj?!” Long story shortened: I did a BUNCH of research, figured out what a jumbo flyer is, and decided that it was wheel time. I called a local dealer (because I’m all about reducing environmental impact) on June 29th and bought my wheel on June 30th. (The jumbo flyer special expired at midnight on June 30th! Today I returned a bunch of library books that are due by midnight tonight! Tomorrow I’ll be eating yogurt that has a shelf date of July 8th! This is how I live!)

Here she is. She’s Polish and she’s awesome. Like Jane Krakowski.

Sonata

I haven’t yet named her, but I’m thinking she looks like a Weronika. (Veronica was on the short list when we were choosing a name for Meredith. Also, Sebrina. Because of the Jellyfish song.)

I’ve spent the past five days spinning and watching YouTube videos about spinning. I’ve learned that I really like Chicks in Rubber, because I can tell that she is an expert, yet I don’t always understand what she’s saying with her lovely accent. This presents a welcome challenge. For example, I know she didn’t just tell me to take my shirt off and use my foot “just to suck on”—but really. That’s what I heard. (This will be the stuff that makes my spinning style even more swanky and unique than the next guy’s, right? (Watch this video at the 1:55 mark. Your shirt will be off and you’ll be sucking on your foot, too.)) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Everyone takes photos of fireworks.

Yesterday I noticed that my camera has a setting for fireworks. Part of me was excited about this discovery, and part of me immediately felt like I was going to become one of those people who takes 2,493 photos of the ocean or 7,594 photos of a sunset or 34,293 photos of the Cinderella castle, but with fireworks instead of oceans or the sun or castles. If I thought you might be interested, I would share all 118 photos I took last night. (Yes. Really. 118! It’s as if I watched the entire display through my CAMERA instead of just watching it in the sky! Embarrassing.) Instead, I’ll just share one.

Van Gogh Sunflower Firework

If Van Gogh were to paint a sunflower on fire at midnight, I believe it would look something like this.

By the way, we’re now about halfway to our goal of getting a bike for Aaron. This makes me so happy. Thanks again for your help with this, and please know that if you still WANT to help, it’s not too late.

Also, please know that I’ve been making yarn. I’m not very good at it, yet it’s possibly the most relaxing thing I’ve ever done.

First yarn!

(Related: I learned to play this in the third grade, and I’ve been singing it in my head every time I spin. It’s a cute habit right now (mostly), but I need to get it under control.) ‘ ‘ ‘text/javascript’>

Not all fish have souls.

Cucumber Salad

It’s a big day! (For me! And Canadians!) As of today, if you don’t count one poorly-timed pulled pork sandwich (I was in Memphis! At Neely’s! I still feel guilt about that stinking pulled pork sandwich!), I have been a vegetarian for one year! As of today, I will no longer say, “I don’t eat meat.” Instead, I will say, “I’m a vegetarian.” (In my head, it takes a year for the transformation. Obviously, I have no idea what the rules are.) ((Happy Canada Day!!!))

This is my third attempt at vegetarianism, but this time around I’m noticing a difference. My two other tries often found me sitting by a steak-eating friend and thinking, “Hrm. That looks great, but I can’t have it.” This time around, I’m finding that I don’t WANT it. Huge difference.

Also on the plus side? I’m down about fifteen pounds from last year at this time, I rarely get the “My stomach hurts so badly I can’t straighten my back.” thing, and while most people shove approximately twenty seven chickens into their mouth each year (I read it online, so it must be true!), I’ve let my chickens walk. You’re welcome, chickens!

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